Am I the one with the problem

[DartboardDad]

I’m a Dad of 2 girls now 9&11
separated 7 years ago, now divorced. The split was amicable so we agreed I’d have Wednesdays, every other weekend and alternate Christmas.
I’ve not missed one pickup, school play or
Sports day.

During this period my ex wife failed to inform me

• of introducing them to her new boyfriend. They told me on the phone
• booking a holiday over my Christmas, they told me on the phone
• Moving house, 2 hours away. Again they told me.
• She then disclosed the move was her new partners idea.

She promised I’d be involved finding a new school and wasn’t. I insisted she included me in the mailing updates, she agreed but failed to. Since then, I’ve had countless instances not being informed about plays, sports days, parents evenings etc only to hear last minute from the kids. Ive learnt any pushback is met with a period of not responding/answering phone calls or texts when attempting to contact the kids. its been 3 years since the move. The first Christmas was mums,then in feb she fell pregnant and gave birth end of November, she told me the kids would be staying home for Christmas this year because of the baby. Even though she didn’t ask me I thought it’d be nice for the girls so didn’t make a fuss.

So that’s 2 years in a row.

que a few days when the cancelled my day with the kids - I bemoaned the lack of communication and then received this text

“While we’re on the topic of planning, I’d like to let you know that the girls will be spending Christmas here and I’ll drop them to you on Boxing Day.

I know this isn’t what you were expecting but Matt is home this year and away next year so I need to align with that schedule.

Like I say, I know this is not what you’re expecting but hopefully you can understand why. “

is this a normal way to co parent?

introducing them to her new boyfriend.

It would be courteous if she had said, but ultimately she doesn't have to inform you of what she does or who the children meet in her parenting time, and neither do you.

booking a holiday over my Christmas

Do you have any formal written arrangement about how Christmas, birthdays etc are split?

Moving house, 2 hours away

I'd be asking her firstly about the timescale for this and how she intends to ensure that there will be no change to your time with your children. As I understand it, if a parent moves away, they are expected to facilitate the children's contact with the other parent, provide transport, etc.

She then disclosed the move was her new partners idea.

This is neither here nor there.

First of all I'd suggest checking with her that this is all accurate, since it should be her informing you about wanting to move rsther than the kids. If it is, then I'd suggest speaking with a solicitor to be honest, you need legal advice.

There’s some big stuff in there - the moving is surely outrageous without a conversation; but you’ve also included some quite strange stuff - why can’t you look on the school website for dates, or contact the school with your details? Given the strange stuff, I do wonder what her side is.

For the school stuff you could ask the school to add you to the email list for all this stuff, that would solve that problem

No, she's being very unfair and unless there's a lot more to this, you should say no.

Re school - contact school directly and ask to be added to all comms. You might have other prove you have Parental Responsibility, but that's fine.

Do you have a court order re Christmas etc or was it just an agreement between you? Was it in writing? Either way, I'd say you' will be having them for Christmas this year. If she refuses, speak to a solicitor about your options to enforce this.

In retrospect, you should have fought harder when she moved away, but that ship has sailed. It's time to take a proactive approach now however.

Re the boyfriend - irritating, but I think she doesn't really have any obligation to tell you when she's introducing children to a new partner.