Full time career with two young DC- Feeling completely overwhelmed- how do you manage day-to-day life?

[miniworry]

Hi everyone,
I’m really hoping for some practical advice because I just feel like I’m drowning at the moment.

I’m a full-time deputy headteacher with two young children, a daughter who’s 5 and a son who’s 1.5. My husband also works full-time as a project engineer, often doing both days and nights, so the majority of the home and childcare load tends to fall to me. We’re currently paying off around £40k in credit card debt from spending well outside our means with our wedding and general life (holidays etc) in previous years, so dropping my hours isn’t an option right now.

I’m finding it so hard to stay on top of everything- the house is always a mess despite having a cleaner once a fortnight (it doesn’t even touch the sides). We moved into a new build three years ago and it already feels worn and untidy, with rooms still not decorated, which adds to the overwhelm. The laundry never ends, the life admin (kids’ activities, birthdays, school stuff, etc.) feels relentless, and by the weekend I just want to be present for my children- they barely see us during the week, but I’m usually so exhausted and surrounded by chores that I end up feeling guilty no matter what I do. So I end up just wanting to scroll on my phone as I'm so emotionally drained.

I’d really appreciate any practical tips or routines that have worked for others in a similar situation - especially around managing the house, staying organised, and protecting a bit of family time and sanity.

Thank you if you’ve read this far - I know lots of us are juggling so much, but I just feel like I’m not managing it well at all right now.

Thank you so much ladies for all the really practical tips- I've made a list tonight of all the small wins I can take from this post to try and implement them- and a wash is ready to go through the night ready for me to hang on the airer tomorrow morning.

One other thing I've taken from this thread is just now incredible mothers are! Someone made a point about how so many woman are now working full time to help contribute to the mortgage but there's certainly no let up on the mental load.

In regards to DH, he isn't the best round the house but he tries. For example tonight was curry and as I was picking DS up from nursery I told him he needed to cook. I've just finished two slices or marmite on toast as the curry was just awful with stodgy rice 🤣 he is however very handy and given the time would happily do all the DIY jobs round the house, but he is also like me in that he wants to spent the weekends with the DC and feels guilty. To his credit he spends most of Saturday with DS whilst I ferry my DD round to all her dancing classes and school parties!

My youngest is 5 now so I feel like I’m through the hardest years.

Have never had a cleaner but I work from home so can do cleaning in my lunch break. I put a wash on before school, hang it on the heated dryer, it’s done by home time.

I do my own painting. One person can look after the kids, the other can do painting for a couple of hours. Keep doing that at least once a month and within a year you have most rooms painted. I actually find it easier than trying to schedule in a pro who always wants you to do the hard part of clearing the room anyway.

Just be careful with your language. No one would say ‘to her credit she spends her Saturdays with her child’. Remember you should be completely equal in this sense.