How do you explain mental load to your partner?

[nobodytellsyou]

I've been trying to explain to my partner why I'm exhausted even though we "split chores equally."
He helps when I ask. But I'm the one MANAGING everything - remembering, planning, scheduling, anticipating. He just executes.
I'm building a tool to visualize this. Think: mental load calculator that shows the invisible labor in actual numbers. Being a tech person, I am so data driven.
Question for this community:

1. Have you successfully explained mental load to your partner? What worked?
2. Would data/numbers help? Or make it worse?

I'm a working mom of 3 boys, so this is messy. But I'm determined to build something that helps me articulate what I can barely put into words. Any input appreciated. ❤️

Hmmm pass on that mental load by getting him to figure out what mental load is and explain it all to you.

My husband manages his hobbies, can organise himself to be where he needs to be and prepared with what he needs. I expect the same for the house/home/family. Yet somehow the family thinking by default ended with me. We both work FT.

I no longer sort out his side of the family, birthdays, Christmas etc It often has meant his nephews haven’t received a Christmas present. That isn’t on me.

Shopping /food prep is done together - I was fed up hearing what’s for dinner or when the food order arriving - if he can’t be bothered then neither can I. It’s meant he has stepped up and it no longer defaults to me.

If he wants to make sure his kit is washed for his hobbie then he best put it in the washing machine. Or if he is travelling for work he is capable of ensuring the shirt he wants is washed.

I was amazed when more than one friend told me they pack for their husband for holiday or put away their clean washing - for a a grown man?!? If my husband forget to pack his pants it’s on him.

Im extremely busy with work currently and my husband wants to look into going on holiday to somewhere a bit different and it will need a little more organising- I’ve said pull together an itinerary, think about what the kids will want as well. Three months into the year he’s not sorted anything. (We have another trip planned that I’ve sorted)

Let go, let it fail if needs be - men are capable they just prefer it if we do it - so don’t.

There is the Fair Play Card Deck, based the book by Eva Rodsky which uses the physical demonstration of how many cards or tasks/duties one holds