Night weaning almost two year old - any tips?

[IssyFleur]

My almost two year old still really loves breastfeeding but has recently started to wake multiple times in the night to feed again. This is getting to be super tiring and frustrating for me and while I'm happy to more gradually wean from day feeds, I really don't want to feed overnight anymore. It has been a long two years of never sleeping through.

I've been reading him a weaning story and talking about not having milk in the night. He understood the concept of the book and got upset at the idea of no milkies. I have tried to say no in the night and divert to other things like singing, patting, cuddling. This occasionally works but for the most part my toddler will just get really worked up and scream, sometimes to the point he wretches or is sick. It is a very hysterical, distressed cry and he won't really be comforted in any other way when he's in that state. I feel really awful at the idea of causing trauma to him and we also live in a flat and have upstairs neighbours asleep above us. I obviously don't want to wake them up but sense that any change will involve some crying.

I was wondering if anyone had had a similarly breastfeeding obsessed toddler and had any tips for stopping gently?

TIA.

Following as I have a similar issue!

I just went cold turkey on his second birthday. It was kind of spur of the moment decision that day - it was a Friday so no work for a few days and be wasn't sick etc - so I didn't really do any big build up to it. I just told him that he was too big for booby milk now and that when he woke at night I would just cuddle him back to sleep. He seemed to understand and accept it. The first few nights were a bit tough as we tried together to find things that worked - audiobooks helped a bit to distract and soothe him - but we both soon got used to it and it wasn't as hard as I expected. It did improve his sleep significantly!

For both of mine I wore a bra and high neck top and just refused. My DD did two/three nights of biting/scratching but I held firm. To be fair to my DD I decided at 4am I had had enough and the bar was closed - zero warning. I did need to stop for medical reasons

I think you just have to make the decision and put up with a couple of bad nights 🤷‍♀️ have you got a partner that could go in to comfort rather than you? Could you offer water?

I couldn’t night wean without weaning altogether with either of my DC, who both breastfed until 2.5 years old. I thought I’d never be able to stop and probably carried on for longer than was ideal for my own sanity and exhaustion but over two years is fantastic innings tbh and I made the decision to stop - and that’s what you do. Don’t over think it, talk to them about it in simple terms. In our house we just said that booby milk was finished and there was no more left. Then we dealt with the upset with cuddles and empathy. It took a few days for the tears and demands to stop and then with both DC we entered my absolute favourite era of cosleeping - where we did actually sleep. They still dived into bed with us but a quick cuddle and straight to sleep. No tussle over feeding, no touching me out beyond what I could handle, just precious little ones in bed, near and safe. My youngest, now 4, still jumps in with us. He also declared yesterday that he still loves the boobies very much, that they are his favourite part of me! He likes to occasionally stick his hand down the top and find a boob.

If you want to stop, just stop! It’s us that have to commit - the kids just respond.

You need to commit to stopping and hold firm.

The absolute worst thing you can do is create a situation where he can only get the comfort he wants after he screams and cries for an extended amount of time. This is emotionally abusive. Either you can provide the comfort he wants or you can't. Saying "no you can't have this...until you show me you're so upset that you've made yourself sick"...is, for obvious reasons, very damaging.

Feeding is fine. Not feeding is fine. Creating uncertainty around this type of comfort is not fine. Make a decision and stick to it.

I put apple cider vinegar on my boobs for both my children at 18 months (so basically cold turkey - gently didn’t work). Weirdly felt kinder to say the milk had gone bad rather than just “no” out of the blue without reason to every request for it. First kid got it quickly and had two nights of tears/protest, second (who was fed to sleep since birth) it took about a week. Agree with above posters that once you decide you definitely have to stick to the decision and they’ll then adapt! Bloody hard though and feels absolutely impossible before you just do it. Good luck.

All of this post is top parenting advice across the board, not just for weaning. And so clearly expressed. More parents need to follow this philosophy 👏

Thanks. I do offer a cup of water and take it through to bed but it's predominantly rejected in the night. My son is going through a very mummy stage and is getting very upset when my husband tries to settle him. I guess this is partly due to breastfeeding and seeing me as his night comfort too. Not nice for my husband though. I'm thinking about starting an evening class one night to get into a routine of not always being there and giving a better opportunity for him to be comforted by someone else and in a different way.

This sounds lovely. Thanks. I am definitely at that contemplation stage where I want to take action but also feel a bit I can't see how we'll come to an end.

Thanks, this is so true and definitely keeping this in mind. Really solid advice. I think I need to have the resilience to hold firm before we start so we're just reading and talking about it at the moment. Also complicated by concern about waking the neighbours above us so maybe need to wait until they're on holiday!