How to control our own emotions.

[Fridayschild89]

I’m usually quite good at controlling my own emotions and ‘snapping out’ of any frustration or disappointment I feel about how my child is behaving or how a day has turned out. Today though I planned a really lovely day and it ended in a complete meltdown after I tried to maintain a consequence that if the same behaviour continued we would leave.

I absolutely know in theory that this is ‘normal’ behaviour for a four year old. I know that they don’t owe me any gratitude for things I’ve chosen to do for them and they absolutely won’t be reasonable because they’re tiny and shouldn’t have to be! I really do get this but I feel so sad and slightly resentful and just keep looking back on how well the day was going before this point.

I’m now tearful and have reassured my child that I love them and I’m just feeling sad. I’m being very careful not to tell them it’s their ‘fault’ but they’re still finding it strange as it is so rare and keep telling me to ‘be happy again’. I am trying but feel so down and I’m on the verge of tears. I think this day may have been the final straw when it comes to my own mental health but that’s not my child’s burden to carry.

Any support or practical tips would be very welcome! Thank you.

I'm not sure you can control your emotions, but I think you can control how you behave.

Small children are fickle, annoying, badly behaved, demanding, great fun, tiring, capricious etc etc etc. You can never guarantee that what you plan will go as you planned and I think you just have to realise that this is how it is. TBH, with most adults you can't even guarantee it will turn out how you plan!!!!! Just think how many special occasions or holidays have been ruined by an adult behaving badly in some way or another.

Try not to be too ambitious. Your 4 year old doesn't need much to keep them occupied and content. Relax and don't set your own expectations too high. Maybe factor in a back up plan, so that if things go tits up, you have an alternative option. Be really kind to yourself. You are not bionic or superhuman and you are going to have crap days and that is just fine and perfectly normal. Remember nothing lasts forever, not even crap days.

Thank you. I really appreciate your response and you’re absolutely right! ❤️ I have 100% had too high expectations in the past and set myself up for failure by aiming for ‘perfection’ but I actually felt like the last year or so I had got much better. Think this particular incident just hit me hard for some reason, maybe because it’s our first half term together since they started school, I’m not sure.

But yes I’m very much trying not to behave any differently around my child because the incident is in the past now and we dealt with it at the time. I think I am quite hard on myself as I over analyse what I could have done differently to prevent the situation from escalating but we’re all only doing our best like you say! Thank you for your kind words x