I need advise from someone who doesn’t know me

[Roundandroundagainandaga]

Am I out of line?
so broke up with sons dad 6 months ago when he was 1 since then it’s been a mess!
he’s been horrible- he took him one day at the beginning and didn’t bring him home I had to beg and go and get him he was verbally abusive and yes Ive retaliated to defend my self.
i do everything hes never bathed him, put him to bed handful of times,
he has him on a Wednesday when I work and then asked for a Sunday too
we went to mediation he was late and he took over the mediation meeting all about his allocated days nothing else he then doesn’t follow parenting plan times brings him home early, or doesn’t have him cause he either has no money to get him or expects me to do all pick up and drop offs because it’s cold and he has to take public trans port or will say he’s not allowed to places with me like family parties on his days even though it’s after his time if I don’t lend him money when he asks I get abuse via messages all night, he’s told me I’ve ruined his life said he’s had suicidal thoughts so I’ve made doctors appointments for him because I felt terrible. Doesn’t pay maintenance will quit job if I try or make my life hell… and he’s saying I’m “looking for a problem”
he expects daily updates and pics of our son

am I wrong for thinking this is abuse ?? And this isn’t him being a good dad surely

I’m so scared to go to court

It’s certainly being a shit dad. Stop dancing around to his music.

You have a parenting plan in place with days and times for his contact, yes? Make your ds available those times. Don’t drive to meet him. Don’t give him money for the bus. Don’t come home early if he gets bored and wants to drop him off at 4pm and it’s meant to be 6pm. If there is a family party til 2pm and he doesn’t want to collect him at 4pm, say okay, great, will make a note of it. Document all the times he doesn’t turn up or asks to bring him back early or is 5 hours late. Let him make his own bloody GP appointments.

You love your ds. If you only got to see him twice a week, nothing would stop you. Not bus fare (you’d save instead of going to the pub, you’d ask your mum, you’d walk) or cold weather or a sniffle of a cold or a sleepless night. You’d be there early. You’d want to be with him until the very last moment when you had to drop him back. Don’t hold him to lower standards than you know you’d meet yourself.

Don't be scared about court. Their there to support what's best for your DS. Plus their changing the rules on forcing children to spend time with parents that are not safe

Stop pandering to this abusive adult man. He can make his own appointments. Start getting maintenence. Start reporting his abuse to the police.

This is no life and no one is going to save you bur you

Is your ex on the birth certificate?

Yeah