What's your opinion on teenagers knowing about "fat acceptance" ?

[KatherineKatKatKittyKat]

I'm asking for calm answers as I'm asking a question about a controversial topic. My fit ex-husband may have a type as his new wife is as big as I was when he married. I've struggled with my weight for years and I'm now at the thinnest I've been since my daughter was born. I'm still big, but not as big as before.

i believe as parents we should want our kids to have a better life than we did. I never wanted my daughter to have a weight problem.

Over the summer, my 15 year old daughter gained a considerably amount of weight. I tried to talk to her about it in a very indirect way. She started quoting a lot of "fat acceptance" talking points. When asked, my daughter said she heard about fat acceptance from her stepmom. That complicates things as if I bring this up to my ex-husband, he could accuse me of body shaming his new wife. My daughter is 15. Is that too young to hear about fat acceptance?

What do you consider fat acceptance? Being kind to people regardless of their bodies and loving yourself regardless of how you look as long as you can use your body to do all these things things you enjoy? That sounds fine to me.

If by ‘fat acceptance’ you mean idealising larger bodies over non-overweight ones, trying to gain weight to be fat, feeder culture, no, I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. It’s no different than the pro-ana sort of cultures.

If your dd has gained weight because she’s no longer calorie counting and obsessing about her diet, then that’s probably a good thing. She’s settling into a healthier pattern. If she’s gaining weight because she wants to be fat and they are forcing unhealthy food on her, that’s not a good thing.

That said, not everyone wants to be thin. I’m not thin (I wouldn’t say I’m ‘fat’ either and I don’t really follow any fat acceptance stuff, though I know what it is). But you can like your body and you can be active and athletic, without being thin. There is a healthy middle between the extremes and it depends on where this falls.

Surely it's health concern. Raising concerns/worry to someone about their weight is a concern for health (raised blood pressure, pressure on joints, heart, increased risk of type 2 diabetes etc) is your daughter aware of the health side of becoming overweight?

It's not so black and white. It's in-between the scenarios you've presented. An example, she said she's okay with getting fat like me. That she wants to enjoy food instead of eating a "healthy diet." She had used her hands to make the quoting gesture when she said healthy diet.

She knows about the side effects of being overweight. She, at least, has a 10th grade level of knowledge about obesity.

Fat acceptance? What new nonsense is this? Nice people don’t stigmatise fat people, but good parents should be encouraging their children to be a healthy weight and stepping in to help when weight becomes a worry.

Fat acceptance is a nice idea if it means respecting people of all sizes. I’d be very concerned if a teen was using it as a tool to convince themselves being fat is a lifestyle to be happy with. Teenagers who are overweight risk not just health problems, they are setting themselves up for mental health issues, low self esteem and -in the real world- discrimination.

There's a big difference between knowing the effects of things and changing behaviours. For example, I 'knew' that smoking was really bad for me but I still did it excessively for 30 years! I also knew I should contribute to a pension... Old age and the consequences of poor lifestyle choices seem infinitely far away when you're young. I'm not sure there's much you can do except set a good example without making it obvious that's what you're doing.

It's hard to explain what "fat acceptance" is. Like many other social movements, you can't just look at the literal name to see what it's about. Also, if you Google fat acceptance, you have to comb through because a lot of results are just people criticizing it instead of results that explains anything.

I'm an overweight woman who's trying to lose weight, and I have my own opinions on "fat acceptance." My opinions also differ if it's an adult or a minor who's following it.

I understand. Like the same know I know that I shouldn't overeat, yet kept doing it.

Her mum and her stepmum are both overweight so I'd be really surprised if she listened to either of you.

Well over half of the UK adult population are carrying too much weight, so I'd liken it to all the adults who told me not to start smoking when I was a kid.

It was difficult to take them seriously when they'd say it with a fag in their hand.

Whether her stepmother talks about fat acceptance or not, she can see it all around her.

She sees how stressful it is buying into the 'thin is everything' pressure all around us, how unhappy it makes us all. She doesn't want to buy into diet culture which I completely understand.

Where I think she's gone astray though is not wanting 'healthy food'. Rather than 'fat acceptance' I would wonder if she'd be open to considering the 'intuitive eating' movement instead? That is rejecting diet culture too, but about listening to your body.

If you're really listening to your body, you will be eg eating vegetables and avoiding some UPFs because they don't make you feel good.

I think this poster has it right.
A weight loss diet isn't a healthy long term way of eating. It is intentionally eating less than your body requires and often makes us miserable. As does a diet high in upf.
The best way I heard it explained was that we need to relearn that food is good. Your body requires certain things to keep it working. If you deny your body what it needs either by restricting food intake or by feeding it non food (upf etc) then it will continue to ask for what it needs through cravings or never feeling quite satisfied even when full.
I didn't know that it had a name but it makes perfect sense to me.

There’s a book called Fat Talk by Virginia Solesmith, which is aimed at parents talking to their children. It’s very well researched, and she’s well regarded in this area. It’s a very nuanced area, which ppl have polarising, and often biased views on, so it’s quite useful to have a well researched, and cited reference point.