Feeling like such an arsehole dad

[WeeG123]

Hi everyone,

Hope you all don’t mind a dad crashing MumsNet! Just looking for a vent to be honest. My wife and I have two boys who are our pride and joy aged 2 and 6 months. We had them pretty much back to back and our 6 month old was a little surprise.

I absolutely adore my boys but find myself getting quite ratty with them. Our 2 year old is such a loving, funny little character and our 6 month old is a little star too. This morning I felt incredibly overwhelmed and our youngest was crying for his bottle (which I was making) and our 2 year old decided to tip every single toy from his toy box out in the kitchen. The combination of mess/nails on a blackboard screeching of a baby made me blow my toy. I took our toddler’s arm and marched him to the other room.. he didn’t cry (he actually giggled!) but I realises he was off the ground when I took his arm which makes me think it was borderline too rough. I then called our baby a whinger and felt terrible afterwards.

As I write this, our toddler is dancing away to The Wiggles and our 6 month old is happy and content after his Weetabix and bottle but just need to vent and get my feelings out. I’ve actually apologised to both boys and got a hug from our toddler who is now asking for snacks! 😅

We’ve had a difficult year with losing my mum back in March, two weeks before our baby was born and my wife was in hospital a few weeks ago with gallstone issues. I just feel completely burnt out and shattered which has probably sparked a bigger reaction than necessary although that is no excuse, I know.

Thanks for reading and letting me offload.

❤️ Everyone makes mistakes. You are a great father, not least because you reflected on what happened. I knew someone who felt awful for decades because he once smacked his daughter, who adored him and didn’t remember the incident at all.

Think what you’d do differently, if you could rewind time.

It is ok. All is well.

You are human.

Sounds like you’ve had a bit of a busy year so far.

If you’re feeling burnt out what have you tied so far? The two things that always have a really quickly affect got my DH are going to bed early for a few nights and eating well (or at least not junk).

Have you explored having some grief counselling too? A sage space to talk through hpw you’re feeling could very well help

There is a Dadsnet

We do all have bad days, but holding a toddler off the ground by their arm is quite extreme I think. I would look to talk about your overwhelm with someone because what you described sounds like a typical day, so if that is setting you ofd then you need another outlet

but I realises he was off the ground when I took his arm which makes me think it was borderline too rough

There is nothing borderline about it, this was too rough. If your child was off the ground you carried him by his arm which can cause serious damage to tendons and joints.

I appreciate you were very sorry but that’s not enough. You need to proactively take steps to prevent yourself being physical with your children again. Seek some counselling to find out why you reacted this way and identify strategies to manage your frustrations in the future, it’s not going to get any easier and you cant take it out on your kids then come running to Mumsnet for forgiveness