I have a 3 year old and 5 month old and finding things very difficult. I had severe PND/PNA with my eldest even though he was a very easy baby/toddler and still is now. I swore I'd never have another but as my son got older I got feelings of guilt over him not having a sibling and wanting a playmate so here we are now and most days I kick myself for how stupid I was.
My baby isn't a particularly difficult baby and sleeps well but I'm plagued with feelings of extreme regret and anxiety. I see families of 3 and see posters on here who have stopped at 1 and I wonder why I was so stupid to go ahead with a second. I've been in tears today of grief for my life before.
My main area is health anxiety. My 3 year old has a cough but completely fine in himself and the baby has a slight cold but this is enough to send me over the edge. I am honestly crippled by the thought of them both being unwell or very unwell, me being up during the night, the disturbed sleep and then being too exhausted to cope. The whole idea of them being ill just sends me into a tailspin. I could just about to cope with one being unwell but two has me really thinking I can't and won't cope.
I don't know what to do. I can't avoid it. I have support from perinatal team and have excellent husband and family support. I'd honestly just like some sort of guarantee they'll never get unwell which is of course impossible.
I've even been thinking of taking out a loan and sending my baby to childcare just so I get some days off to make coping with them more bearable.