I keep losing my patience with my toddler

[ManifestMummy]

DD is 18 months she's amazing I love her but I can’t cook dinner when she’s around. I usually quickly make dinner before I pick her from nursery in order to enjoy cooking and be able to think clearly while cooking and clean up. DH doesn’t get home until 8pm it’s just too late to wait for help etc.
today was one of those days where I had to make the veg to the pie (already prepped and made in advance). All I had to do was cut the pie up, boil the green veg and prep.
i ended up screaming because my toddler was crying for me while I was in the kitchen and crying and tugging on me. I find those moments so intense and stressful. I instantly felt bad and then we hugged and watched peppa pig together. I didn’t eat dinner I was hungry and tired food was cold. I ended up binging on crap after dinner because I felt so terrible that I shouted and I ate so late.
Im trying to plan ahead, be healthy and make a home cooked meal but yet it falls a part and I’m unhealthy.

Slow cooker meals or things that don't involve pans of boiling water are your friend. Also put her in her highchair so she can see you and be involved. Either doing her own "chopping" with a blunt knife or snacking or painting etc.. It's not safe trying to cook as you are.

Either batch cook meals at weekends or evenings when you have help... or pop her in her highchair with an activity or get a toddler tower so she can "help"

Can you put her in a secure seat/ high chair where she can see you and you can involve her? For example talk to her about how you’re putting the veg in the pan/ let her chew on some raw veg. They just want to be involved really, so if you can do it safely it’s worth a try (even if it ends up taking longer).

I totally understand you. I am normally pretty patient and understanding and someone who validates feelings and all that crap. But I find an incessant demand for my attention while I'm doing something non-negotiable like cooking a huge "trigger". Cooking in particular takes a lot of my concentration and it's not something I'm naturally good at and so when DS whinges and whines and gets under my feet (which he only seems to do when I'm cooking) I can't handle it. I get DH to make dinner and if he's not around we eat something like pizza that doesn't take any meaningful prep.

I don't have any true advice for you but you can have all of my sympathy and support!

We got a toddler tower for DD to stand in at around this age, it made life so much easier, she loves helping in the kitchen now, would recommend a child friendly knife set off of amazon and giving her something to ‘chop’ as you do your bits too!

I second the toddler tower

Thank you all x

I know it’s hard but please be careful with being a shouty mum… before your little one ends up a shouty girl. (Speaking from experience!)
Walk out the room and take a breath til you feel calmer, or just try your hardest to speak in a low voice.

my boys are in childcare all day and so when I collect them they desperately need my time and attention. I need to make dinner.
I let them ‘help’ its way slower but they are happier and much less whiny. Also so proud of themselves when I tell the rest of family they helped make dinner.

It's so hard isn't it, when you and they are tired and hungry and they wont stop clinging which means you can't solve the hungry bit.

We have a tiny kitchen so it can be tricky to keep toddler close safely, but i find if i let him play at the sink - basin of water, slotted spoon/sieve, sometimes the tap running for a bit - it's worth it to be able to manage hob/oven/sharp things safely.

We don't have a toddler tower - he stands on the back of a sturdy chair pushed against the worktop, which he can safely climb up and down.

It is hard! I used to put my kid in her high chair in the kitchen so she could see me and give her an old whisk and bowls and a spatula to muck about with. And I would stop regularly to give her a little squeeze. I think part of it is about just accepting that you're not going to be able to make dinner quickly and efficiently for a while, sadly.

Also - when it comes to feeling bad for shouting, dont beat youtself up about it but find ways to calm yourself in the moment and make up for it the rest of the day with lots of connection and praise

She probably just wants cuddles after a day at nursery. Can you put her in one of those carriers on your back so she has physical contact we you and your hands are free?

Also probably should have mentioned, it's easy to get overwhelmed so don't beat yourself up!

My boy is 20 months and honestly we get NOTHING done with him around. He climbs out of highchair and toddler tower, can climb the stairgate, can open doors, he's just absolutely feral and wants to be jumping or outside etc.

My husband takes him out to the park at the weekend and I batch cook some meals and clean. Then midweek we take turns taking him out to play or for a walk after work so the other can get some housework done. Honestly I don't know how we'd cope if we were alone most evenings!

Thank you all this is such a nice tread to read after having a hard evening!

I totally get you OP, it's bloody hard trying to get anything done with a toddler under your feet. My 18 month old DD is the same - I try and batch cook where possible at times when my DM or DH are around, stick to super simple food when no help available and agree that a toddler tower buys a few minutes here and there. Issue is, at this age they're still a bit young to properly "help", but I would imagine/hope in a few months that aspect might get easier.