Autistic child and separated parents

[BethVenice1]

Hi, my DS is being assessed for autism. His dad and I are separated and while I was keen to get DS assessed and for school to recognise that he has SEN and provide the support he needs, his dad has always maintained that it's DS just being naughty and that he didn't want DS being labelled. School saw certain traits in DS and while they didn't provide any specific support plans, they were monitoring him. In the mean time DS was referred for assessment.

A few days ago we had an SEND meeting at school, this was a separate meeting to DS's dad. To cut a long story short, the school had decided to officially put DS on the SEN register as since our last meeting the previous year, DS was exhibiting autistic traits very obviously at school. I agreed to add DS to the register but the school did say that they would need to discuss this with his dad too. If DS's dad disagrees with adding DS to the register, what happens? I'm worried that if he does disagree, that DS will not receive the support he so desperately needs at school.

If he disagrees I’d ask CAMS or someone like that for advise as it’s maybe erring on neglect by denying sufficient care and support for your son.
dont worry too much, the school should handle it with him I would have thought, maybe contact them beforehand and ask for support by raising your concern that your ex might object, he won’t be the first parent that they’ve dealt with who is in denial about their child’s SEN

How old is your DS. Mine was added to sen register first week (transition) of secondary. They didn’t ask me or dad just recognised he needed extra support.

i was fairly pleasantly supposed (altho they’ve been a bit shit since) as I primary would insist he was fine - but put in his notes behaviour traits consistent with ADHD (personally always thought autism…)

I'm separated and have two autistic DC. They now both have EHCP's, but worked up through sen register, various send suport plans, and early help send suport. At no point has either of their schools (ones in sen school, other mainstream) ever spoken to their farther. He's not against any of their suport, just generally shit and uninterested, but his approval or otherwise has never even been asked for.

I think you need to assume, unless proven otherwise, that school will work in the best interest of your child and if they are autistic traits and feel it is appropriate for him to be on the SEN register then that is what they will do, regardless of his father’s input. If they don’t, then proceed as you would a formal complaint. Hopefully his father won’t make getting your son assessed difficult.

Thanks so much everyone! Your replies are reassuring. @Nonameagain31 my DS is 9, so in primary school. The school were especially keen to get him on the SEN register and support plans in place in preparation for secondary as it's not so far away now. I just feel so incredibly relieved that have decided to this and he's finally going to get some proper support at school.