Struggling with Screen Time: Am I Being Unreasonable to Limit It Already?

[USleepDeprived]

I’ve got a 5-year-old who’s obsessed with the tablet lately. After school, the first thing he asks is “Can I watch something?” I try to stick to about 30 minutes a day, but it always turns into an argument — “just five more minutes” — and somehow we end up at an hour.
My husband thinks it’s fine to let him watch a bit more after dinner (“so we can get a break”), but then bedtime gets messy, and I feel like the rules mean nothing.
I’m not anti-screen, but I do want some balance. How do you all handle this without constant fights? Do you set strict limits or just go with the flow depending on the day?
Would love to hear what works for your kids around this age.

To be totally honest at the point it’s the first thing a 5 year old is asking for after school and arguing for more time etc then for me, you need a complete reset, detox, none at all to break that cycle.

Set up an activity for after school instead whether that is some colouring in, a new book, some painting/craft, rotate toys so that there is something set up.

It will be rough at first, but you need to break that cycle and it will be quicker than you think. Once you’ve broken it you can reintroduce it gradually and in a healthier way, not 30 mins every day after school/after being out etc, and not in a way that then becomes routine.

Yeah I also agree that it shouldn't be the first request, and if it is and you say no, we're doing playing for now then that shouldn't be an issue. I'd break the cycle by going somewhere after school (take snacks!!). Got a few days before the clocks change so take his bike out or go to the park. Then come home, tea, playing with cars/trains/puzzles or whatever, then half an hour of reading together and bath and bed.

The answer is staring you in the face. Your child’s behaviour is adversely affected by screens. Therefore- no screens.

Would you supply your child with any other addictive items? Thought not.

I have a 5 yo and a 7 yo. We allow TV straight after school for half an hour or so (normally iPlayer, cbeebies or CBBC) but not the tablet. Probably still not ideal, but doesn't seem to be as addictive and the content is less rubbish than e.g.YouTube kids. Plus it's easier to monitor what they watch.

We do allow a bit of tablet after dinner but has to be 'earned' by doing their school reading book and any other little tasks we think of. We have some tokens for different numbers of minutes that they can earn then spend on tablet time.

My kids are ND so need clear boundaries. I tell them 10 mins left, 5 mins left, last turns and then it’s off. But if it’s a short programme I would wait until it’s finished but a longer one I would say I’m turn it off at the end of this scene. I then give 5 mins transition before making them wash their hands for dinner.

If they don’t turn it off they lose some screen time the next day.

I've always found setting non time based limits is easier for kids to deal with as it feels less arbitrary and more real.

E.g you can watch two episodes of xyz show rather than "30 mins of YouTube" or "you can play one level of your video game". It also means they end not to be "in the middle" of something when the time runs out so it feels more like a natural stopping point. Many kids really hate leaving a task "unfinished" when they can't see a good reason to do so.

It won't work for every type of media but it might help with them learning to accept limits to start with.

It’s not your kid’s fault - they are deliberately designed to be addictive. It’s not like kids tv in the past where there was no choice and it was naturally time limited.

As you are finding though, it’s not just about being strict with the child, you also have to be strict with yourselves! It’s so easy to just allow it for an easy life.

My solution to this is pretty strict, but I needed that so things were really clear and my DH and I would not buckle. We did not allow any screen time during the week. At weekends it was allowed but strictly time limited. The rules were ruthlessly enforced unless someone was ill, in which case it was a free for all. If you set rules and follow them strictly, your kid will stop questioning them. But you have to prepare yourself for a phase where you pull the plug out of the tv and put up with screaming when the time is up!

Now our kids are older and the hard work is paying off. They can entertain themselves and are not addicted to screens. The younger ones only ask for screens at the designated time and don’t think of it otherwise. The eldest is now a teen and is allowed to decide for himself. He watches about half an hour of tv in the evenings and otherwise only uses a screen for homework.

YABU for giving a 5 year old a tablet in the first place.

Tablets are really addictive for kids. Especially if it’s stuff like YouTube kids or some of the awful games like Roblox. I’d keep it to a bare minimum at home and if taking it away afterwards causes problems then you’d probably be best going cold turkey for a while. If you need a break and/or he needs some chill time then put the TV on. Not only is it easier to control the content than on youtube but it just isn’t as immersive. For gaming I’d much rather mine play on the Switch on the TV than on a handheld device. That way they can play together so it’s social but also when it’s on the big screen they’re still aware of what’s going on around them and don’t go into that weird ipad trance. Tablets are best kept for travelling IMO, because a long haul flight is the only time when you actually want them
zombified 😂

There are studies about how it “re-wires” the developing brain and reduces focus. TV doesn’t do that but scrolling and gaming does.
5 yr old shouldn’t be on it. Get them doing other activities and watching tv for down time.

Do you have to use a tablet at all? Why not watch tv?

We have a tv. It has iplayer and Netflix and Prime, so all the usual children’s programming is available. They can watch it anytime they want, except when they should be sleeping or having a meal or doing homework or spending time with friends or other visitors. But no tablets or phones (for little ones, my teen has a phone). My teen almost never watches tv and younger one does, but self regulates really well and will happily turn it off and play with Lego or go outside.

There is something different about a tablet or a switch or a phone than having tv on in the background in terms of behaviour. The tv is just as useful in terms of downtime so we can get things done or on a rainy day, but it’s not addictive like a tablet. I’d just get rid of the tablet altogether. Pop the tv on sometimes when necessary.

I’m only commenting because you rarely hear from “us”, but I’m pretty relaxed about screens so this personally wouldn’t worry. We have no specific time limits.

We do have a no screens after dinner or in their room rule (which ensures they get quality sleep).
Also they have no internet connected devices (for safety) unless under strict parental supervision - e.g using one of our phones with us to look something up. They don’t have tablets or phones or anything like that.

My 6 year old uses a family tablet for homework but nothing else. There’s nothing else on there so she’s never played or watched anything on there. I don’t see the need.

I agree with pp.

It's child dependent, but your child is showing you that the screen isn't good for him, it impacts behaviour and he can't self-regulate.

Take it away altogether.

I'd try replacing with a limited amount of good quality TV. I would limit by episode, not time as they can't really understand that at age 5. For example, he can watch one of the Julia Donaldson adaptations (about half an hour) after dinner or 4 episodes of Bluey or one episode Andy's Dinosaur Adventures, one number blocks and one alphablocks.

I’d be removing the tablet entirely. Something about the tablet causes big behavioural issues with my children. Even if they’re are watching the same things as they are on telly. I think it’s to do with them being able to scroll.