Looking for advice on a very complex situation- I was in a toxic relationship for 7 years & have a 4 year old son. In July at the end of my tether with his avoidant behaviour & after spending years on my own growth I ended the relationship with my sons father in July.
His mother continually got inbetween us in the relationship due to her opinions, & judgements on me & way she parents/deals with our son. She is alone & very emeshed & enables her sons selfish behaviour. In the last year i refused to be around her & protected my own peace,he took our son to see her alone every few weeks.
Since July neither of them have made contact, after a month of split I had a random message from him to say he has left to go work with his brother (was living with his mother) in Australia 'for a bit'. When i asked how long for he said his visa was for 12 months. Since he has not made any contact & when Ive asked for clarification around his plans to being in his sons life he has ignored.
Last week his mother (my sons grandma) text me out the blue asking if she could see my son. I havent spoke or seen her for over a year yet now she is acting all nice & fake wanting to be friends & meet. In my opinion her or her son have not prioritised my son. Should I take my son to see her?
My worries are
•this will confuse him as he usually would only see her with his dad
•she will treat him as he grows up like his dad (controlling & agressive/dismiss his emotions etc)
•he will pick up on amniosity
•she is attempting to take responsibilty off of her son (which she does alot & doesnt help his growth)
Do i take him & have boundaries around it? or do I say not comfortable until things have been confirmed with father or is it not my responsibilty to keep that relationship considering how she has behaves/has treated us?
I am just wanting to do the best for my son & keep things consistent for him!