2 year old doesn't want me

[RoastedSalad]

My DS is newly 2. For the last few months he's gradually started preferring his dad, which I know can be normal, but for the past couple of weeks it's become really intense and I'm feeling really hurt over it.

He's always pushing me away, asking me to go away because he wants daddy. If he asks for something, it's daddy he wants to give it to him. When he wakes up in the morning, it's daddy he asks for. He won't kiss or hug me off his own bat, but he will with his dad.

I'm so upset about this, it's breaking my heart. I've had a couple of years at home with DS, I returned to work in the summer, and I see him as much as, if not more than, my DH does. I have no idea what's going on.

Incidentally he's also really pushing my own mum away, and only wants his grandpa. I'm sad about the rejection, but also sad to see him being mean. He'll literally turn his head the other way when his nana tries to talk to him.

On top of this, we're well into the terrible twos, and he's acting up so much. He doesn't listen to a word anyone says. If we say no, he will just smirk at us an carry on. He genuinely doesn't listen at all.

We're a loving family, we do so much together, I'm at a loss as to what's caused this. Is this just a phase!? What can I do to make this better?

I've got a DD who is 1, very close age gap, so things are hectic and this on top of it all is really bringing me down. I've made a real effort to split my time and attention with both little ones, as has DH, so I don't think it's to do with his sister.

Any advice or words of wisdom gratefully received.

It's a phase.
Try not to react to it, he really doesn't fully understand how you feel.
Spend time with him without your DH being around.

It sounds like it has coincided with you going back to work. He's probably had an emotional wobble and is testing that you still love him. It's super hard for you, but it's normal. Just keep making sure that you and your husband alternate bedtimes and bath times, and if he asks for something and you go to get it and he says "no, daddy" then say "either mummy gets it or you have to wait. Those are your choices. Daddy isn't getting it right now." Mine both have a preference for me, but they always have to say hello to their dad or other relatives even if they don't want a cuddle or anything more. It's really hard, I feel for you x

He's probably reacting to you going back to work. Spend time alone with him, playing or going out

Both my boys (age 3 and 5) have gone through spells of this. The eldest’s lasted for ages and he was very passionate about his preference which I found very hard to handle. I’m overly sensitive at the best of times but my boys are my world so to experience them very openly preferring their dad has been hard. He’s a wonderful dad but I have also been their main care giver and do all the organising for them (not that they know this really haha). They are both a bit more balanced now and whilst they often will still ask for him, don’t actively reject me so much. I sympathise with you, it’s really really hard when they’re doing it not to react or be hurt by it. But they absolutely love you, and I’m sure it’ll be just a phase.

I think it’s just a phase. There’s not much that toddlers can control in their lives so I think it’s a thing that makes them feel like they have some power/ say. I’m not an expert but it makes sense to me! Same with food/ picky eating.

My 2 year old is the same as yours, but she’s a girl and the preference is for me and her grandma, while she is much colder with her dad and grandad. I know it must be so so hard not to take it personally, but I’m sure he’ll grow out of it.

Also although his behaviour seems unkind I don’t think it is - he’s asserting his independence and decisions and doesn’t understand how that makes others feel yet. He’s not doing it to hurt anyone. I’m sure at some point it’ll swing back the other way and you’ll be the favourite for a while.

Please don’t take it personally. It is genuinely a phase and the pendulum will swing your way in time!

My DC does this to me and DP in cycles, these days I just accept it for what it is and enjoy the extra freedom it gives me. It’s no reflection on you as a parent, you are doing everything right so don’t doubt yourself and just continue to carry on as you are, it will resolve itself soon!

Reassure your mum the same! It can feel like he is being “mean”, but he is barely two and still figuring out how to behave. My DM kept getting upset about similar behaviour (resolved now) and taking things personally when it’s clear it’s just toddlers being toddlers and nothing personal.

Be careful not to get into a situation where you become emotionally dependant on him. It's a phase.

Yeah, they are all like this. My 2.5 year old openly prefers her dad at the minute and has done for ages. I know she still loves me though and I think having confidence in your abilities as a parent helps to internally roll your eyes at the toddler behaviour and move on. As others have said, it’s a phase. Take it with good humour and carry on as you are. I promise it’s nothing you’ve done, it’s just being a toddler!

My DS went through a big phase of this, he didn’t want me at all. He’s older now and we’re really close. I know how absolutely horrible it is but it’s a phase and will pass.