Logistics of the solo bedtime routine

[DependentOnChocolate]

I (43F) and my DH (34M) have two children DS1 (2.5yrs) and DS2 (7months). DH is going away for a night in November and I dont know how to manage the bedtime routine on my own. I dont want to tell DH this as last time I expressed my worries about it he cancelled his trip, saying it was selfish of him to leave me alone with the kids. (He rarely has any time to himself, and definitely goes above and beyond for me and the kids, so no he is not being selfish).

Currently the routine is that we/I get DS2 ready for bed and then i breastfeed while DH does bedtime routine for DS1 and gets him settled - bath/PJs/bedtime book/lights out. He will often cry for a short while, especially if he is really tired, and DH has to sit on the end of the bed for up to 10 mins while he falls asleep. Meanwhile I have been working on getting DH2 to sleep with his feed.

My issues are: I dont know how to do DS1's bedtime routine without delaying DS2's routine; I cant get DS2 down first because DS1is too noisy and distracting. This means DS2 would need to be present while I do DS1 routine which i feel would also distract him (especially if he was crying/needing to feed). And more generally, DS1 plays up a lot more for me. DH does most of his bedtimes and getting him down for naptimes - if its me at naptime I usually have to have taken him out to fall asleep in the pram! Tried just getting him to go upstairs to bed for a nap yesterday and it was awful!

Any suggestions?? Do I just need to do it more to 'practice' before DH isn't there to get them used to it? How do others do it?

Annoyed with myself that I dont feel I can manage it on my own and its stressing me out! As it is i am still up in the night with DS2 so it's always going to be tiring!

I had a similar age gap. I used to leave the younger one in their cot while I did the bedtime routine for the older one. Sometimes I would put them somewhere close by like outside the older one’s bedroom in a bouncy chair with toys while I did the older one’s bedtime. You could also try breastfeeding the younger one while putting the older one to bed but I know my DD would have gone mad if her brother was in her room during her night time routine at that age because of the jealousy. Another way is getting bed rails for your bed and lying down, once the older one’s is asleep, roll away with the baby then do the baby’s routine

O used to breastfeed DD2 with DD1 curled up with me reading them both a story. Can be done sitting on older child's, bed, on sofa, or your bed.

I’ve been a lone parent since twins were babies - I’d just get us all in my bed - eldest might read a book or colour whilst the twins went off to sleep, or we’d watch a film until they fell asleep. Once asleep I’d carry them all to their own beds

I fed younger one to sleep while sitting in doing bedtime with older one. Mine were a bigger age gap though, so sometimes I’d leave older one playing quietly in her room while I did bedtime with younger one. That may be trickier with a 2.5 year old though.

Another parent of twins + singleton here. Prep well in advance, have the older one watching something quiet on a tablet or reading a book, quickest bedtime possible with younger, then sort elder.