8 year old is extremely anxious.

[sourdoughfan]

My dd is a beautiful kind lovely girl. Extremely well behaved at school. Never had an issue with behaviour at all. However she is extremely anxious and it is getting progressively worse. She obsesses over a tiny little things that happen at school and will work herself up about it so much she struggles to sleep. Yesterday for example she thought she was going to die from having too much sugar because she had a headache. She then insisted she went out and did laps on her scooter to work it off. This continued to until bed time where she was almost in tears about it.
She also worried all weekend because a kid in her class knocked someone’s lunch box out of their locker and left it so she went around the whole of lunch break worrying where to put it. This consumed her the whole weekend and even was worrying her today before she went into school.
It’s things like this all of the time we’re dealing with and I'm not sure how to go about it.
My SIL is a therapist and she said that she may be neurodivergent. Has anyone had the same with their child and if so how did you go about it? It’s really starting to drain me tbh as I’m never sure how to react to her. I don’t want to make it worse for her.

I’m so sorry to hear your DD is anxious. I’m not sure about neurodivergence, don’t have experience of that, but what you describe sounds quite obsessive, like it might be bordering on OCD. If that’s the case, I would be looking for professional help. I have experience of obsessive anxiety and it can be quite hard to tackle on your own. .

No advice but my 9 year old daughter is going through the same. I’m searching for advice so watching with interest.

Definitely ask for help from a proffesional, and sooner rather than later as waiting lists in different areas are becoming quite high.
Your daughter shouldn't be this consumed by those thoughts so I think proffesional advice is needed.

Im no pro, but i struggled with anxiety and over thinking a lot as a child. I was diagnosed with OCD at age 15 and it made sense why i was the way i was. I'm so grateful i got help when I was that young rather than struggling on and possibly never understanding/getting worse with adulthood.
A proffessionals opinion and guidance is the best way to go about this, for her and for you.

Edit: spelling

This sounds like how I was at that age so I understand how all consuming the anxiety can be for your DD. I found that it can help to follow through the worry to help identify what's the worst that could happen, and then discuss how she would deal with the situation even in a worst case scenario. Showing her that it will all be OK even if her worries are realised should hopefully help her to be calmer.
As an adult I've done some CBT to change thought patterns which has been very helpful. I don't know at what age that would be worth exploring. I hope she feels calmer soon.

My son (9 yrs at the time) struggled with anxiety (death) and was subsequently diagnosed with heightened anxiety and panic disorder. We went through Camhs but didn’t find them helpful, so we paid for private therapy which helped him a lot (and me) and gave him some coping strategies. He too struggled to sleep most nights wondering if he’d wake up 😢
My sons School put some measures in place where if he got overwhelmed in class, he could leave and go to another class to ‘help out’ for 20/30 mins. Reception staff would call home every time he hurt himself (he thought he was going to die) or was feeling sick through anxiety and let me speak to him. They too gave my son jobs to do to keep his mind busy.
Whilst my son is a lot better mentally, he still gets very anxious but controls it in a more positive way… In your shoes I would seek professional help as soon as you can…

This does appear to have some elements of neuro diversity. Even the being a 'good girl' so always wanting to please people and get things right. Along with the fixating on things and being unable to move on. Obviously there is a lot more to being neuro diverse and you will need to gather more evidence. The best place to start is a meeting with school.

My DD12 is very anxious. We asked the GP for help and were referred to the Children and Young People’s Mental Health Service (also known as CAMHS). They put me on a parenting course for anxious children. It was very interesting. Focused on examining our own behaviour potentially reinforcing anxiety (for example thinking that there are more bad people than good people in the world), helping my DD to understand what anxiety feels like physically and why we have evolved as humans to have it, helping her to name and to some extent externalise the anxiety, creating “stairways to bravery”. I tried all of this but it didn’t improve. The course facilitators said it wouldn’t work for neurodivergent children. I then decided to have her assessed for neurodivergence. She was found to have both autism and ADHD with a psychiatrist believing the anxiety was a symptom of the ADHD. We are now trying medication for ADHD.

This is nothing to worry about, how did you find out about it? First off you can not do anything about it directly, family is the worst option as you become a constant remind to her. She will know you know everything and it won't go away except draw her away further. She is young so you don't have to worry too much.

Seek people you know outside of family friends that had their own anxiety issues to talk to her. Do not do it directly. I am telling you that is the answer. The stranger can go away and everything your daughter says will go away and from her point of you, she still has you without constantly worry what do you know, what do you remember are you only doing this because of X, Y,Z

Do not allow anyone to ask what if questions, is the healthiest way to keep someone healthy. They looking for certain answers. Death being the only certain answers.

What you can do is print out worry diaries. Make them up in word make a pad for her. Put it in the room and ignore it let her use them
1 worry
2 feelings

1. %age of feelings
2. What's the likelyhood of this happening
3. Now how do you feel

6.how much is the worry

Example

1. Eating too much sugar I will die
2. Panic anxious

3.1000%

1. Why would I die from sugar, would be a sweet death
2. Peace
3. Worry what worry oh drats forgotten my homework!

Occasionally check it if you want I get it parent you want to protect. However the lightest of touches do it without her really knowing you are doing it.
This will work

From what you say I can tell you her core fears is fear of losing control and fear of death so her symptoms little fears. If you find out the main reason that hurt her to become that afraid it goes away.

Lose of grand parent, i.e or sudden death something traumatic she lost control etc.

This maybe one very good reason - you as family can not be involved because you want to nature with love naturally, when I the stranger would have told her. Your being stupid you can't die from sugar. Then go away she be angry at me having found out for example she saw Daddy hurting mommy. That embarrassing moment go away and the family is protected.

Air the dirty laundry

Based on what you’ve described it sounds more like OCD than anything else. Sometimes very young children can develop it, either as part of PANS/PANDAS post-viral infection or just for no real reason at all. Either way, getting help from a mental health professional asap would best, the earlier something like this is noted and treated the better.

Anyone suggesting not getting involved is giving you extremely harmful advice.

I was very much like your DD and am now diagnosed with GA (generalised anxiety) and OCD as an adult and have been taking medication for years. I think unfortunately some people are just predisposed to it, and symptoms can start very young. It's great that you are looking into how to help your daughter already - as PPs have said, I would seek professional advice. If you are able to pay for it, I would absolutely go private as you will then have the choice of who to see.

Thank you for your responses. I’ve contacted the schools SENS person and have booked her in to see the GP next week. The more I think about it the more she seems to be showing signs of OCD. For example this morning I accidentally dropped a piece of her toast on her school bag. It fell on there upwards so no Nutella got on her bag but she started to feel extremely anxious that her bag was contaminated and even though I cleaned it top to bottom I had to switch bags because she was extremely upset about it. She also keeps having so many more intrusive thoughts which seems to lead more to OCD.

I’m so sorry to hear this - your poor DD. My own DD aged 10 is similar and we have brought in a private therapist (not possible for everyone, I know - we’re very lucky). I do think it’s best to address issues like this before the teen years and give her some coping mechanisms. Best of luck - I know how hard it is to witness your child in distress and not know how to help.