3.5 yo behaviour is draining me

[Cakezycakee]

Ds is going through such a phase. Hitting , tantrums meltdowns galore, running away in public

I feel so guilty because I feel like a shit mum and all I do is tell him off

But its so hard. Hes being so rough with his little sister too (nearly 2) and its just so tough

And we tried to teach him after hitting her or being rough, have a 'time out'(sit down and think about what he did) then apologise and give her a hug and kiss

Hes stopped this now says 'sorry' while laughing

Its causing issues with me and DH too. I dont like shouting but earlier DH shouted and said I need to tell him off when hes rough with people. I do try to tell him off I just dont shout ? But then now DH is in. A mood with me because I bloody told him not to shout

Im just really struggling he wont listen he flips out acts up and I just dont know how to get out of this phase

Any tips or am.i doing something wrong

Instead of telling him off you need to tell him what he should be doing as well, "hands are not for hitting. What are hands for? Hands are for drawing, eating, brushing teeth etc. Hands are not for hitting, hitting is sore. Its time to say sorry to your sister." Then follow up with a consequence "i can see you are having a hard time playing with that toy (that you hit your sister over the head with). I will put it away and we can try again another time."

Basically you need to teach him what he should be doing and use natural consequences for bad behaviour. Such as removing a toy if he uses it to hit, strapping him in a buggy if he runs away or aborting the trip to the park if he won't listen and "trying again next time." I would tell him once, remind him of the rules and then if he doesn't follow them then stop whatever is happening and telling him to try again next time. Its hard but if you are not consistent then he will figure that out and play off it. If he learns you won't tolerate his behaviour then he should give in (as long as there are no other behavioural needs).