My son is 4 and a half months old and I'm a single parent. My partner left when I was 4 months pregnant (He cheated with someone he knew). He doesn't see our son and doesn't give any money to support.
I loved being around my son. He was so happy and always smiling, easy to put down for sleep, liked going out for activities and always finished his bottle. He was literally the perfect baby for me, but once he turned 4 months, he changed completely. His naps became shorter and he fights it so much, he doesn't like doing the same activities as before so we have to leave early and that. He fights me when I undress and redress him and when I put him in his stroller.
I try playing and interacting with him and he looks bored and isn't interested. He screams at me if I try encouraging him to play with his toys or tummy time.
He doesn't smile with me and will give his old big smiles to other people, which breaks my heart as he looks more happy with them. I feel like he despises more and more each day.
I have lost count on how many days and nights I have cried. I have tried not to cry in front of him, but it's difficult.
Everyone keeps saying it's just a phase and it will pass and that I'm doing a good job with him and he still loves me, but I don't believe them. I have taken him to doctor surgery and they say he's fine and thriving.
Today I tried going through his old baby clothes because the pile was building up and I was getting annoyed with seeing it. He kept screaming, so I tried taking short breaks to play with him, but he didn't want that. He didn't want to play with any of the toys himself. I tried sitting him on my lap, but it was difficult to do things with one hand available and he kept trying to sit up/stand up on his own, which wasn't helping the situation. I couldn't lay him down, on a bouncer or anything because he didn't want that. I tried changing the room, he calmed down slightly, but not a lot. I was getting tired and frustrated.
He was clearly very overtired, but kept screaming and screeching when I tried putting him down.
He was changed and fed.
When I tried again, he kept making a very loud and high pitched scream. So much so he was going red in the face. I tried cooling him down and offering his dummy and I don't know how long it took, but he finally fell asleep.
I'm tired of feeling this way. Everyday is a fucking fight and struggle. I have spoken to my GP about how I was feeling, but she wasn't too concerned. Although I have been out through for counciling, but I don't know how long that will take.
I don't have any close family and only a hand of friends. They have offered to help, but when I've asked, they say "Oh, I'm busy today" "My son has been playing up, so I can't watch your son" "I'm tired" or "I have a headache". In the end I stopped asking.
I was given numbers for help for parents, but I feel like they will judge me. I know they shouldn't, but I can't help feel this way.
I miss how he was before. I miss him being happy to see me first thing in the morning. I miss him being excited to going somewhere new.
I dread him waking up because I know he won't be happy to see me.
For the last few days I have been at things online like; How long will it take for a 4 month old baby to get over the primary partner leaving for good? How long will it take for a 4 month to bond with a new parent? And thaing like that.
I don't know if I have postnatal depression. I have been diagnosed and everything I spoke to haven't had any comments about that.
Sorry for the depressing post, but I need to vent somewhere