I need advice from parents who are or were parents of teenagers. 🙏
Hi! I have 2 teenagers. I had them while I was quite young, so my family were very involved when I raised them up until when we moved out of my mom’s house (they were 7 and 8). Even then, they’ve always been like the family’s babies.
Both of my kids went to the same school that’s an hour away (normal here in the Philippines), and one asked to move to this other school because they had a better volleyball program. I didn’t say yes or no, I just said I would think about it. There was cost and logistics to consider and I explained this clearly to him. The next time he asked me I said the same answer—I had time, they were on break. Next thing I know he ran away from home. He had always had a stubborn streak. I was very heartbroken.
Anyway, I called his dad and told him to take him in. He stayed there for 2 weeks but then went to my mom. Mom who was concerned of teenage s***e enrolled him in this new school and my son who probably realized he gets his way there, moved in. To be clear, I’ve never asked for my family’s help.
My son never reached out to me and the last time I spoke to him is 2 weeks before my wedding to discuss our issues and tell him I would want him there. His issues were all decisions I had to make because of finances (moving to smaller house, not buying that better quality volleyball). I am a very communicative mother and I 100% talked over these decisions before making them. He never went to my wedding and we haven’t spoken since then.
Now my mom’s been contacting me, complaining that he goes out too much and asks for money too often. I still pay for his school by the way which is more expensive than the old school, but I refuse to pay for his allowances. I’ve been telling my mother to say “no” and for as long as he is more comfortable there, he has no reason to go back home. My mom gives him an allowance 2x of what I gave him, he has no curfew there, and can go to friends’ house whenever. But I do feel bad for my mother. She is getting older. So I don’t know what to do. Should I just send the money for his expenses as well?