Bottle refusing baby

[sunshine2025]

4 months old. Exclusively breast fed. I really want to get away for a weekend at end of next month (before I’m judged for leaving a small baby, my friend very much needs some emotional support) but can only leave him if he takes a bottle.

He plays with it in his mouth and has no issue with the milk it seems, but doesn’t seem to know how to suck the teat. Have been trying for about 6 weeks now- once a day (getting DH to try while I’m in another room).

Have tried- tommee tippee, mam, lanisoh, vital baby brands. Doesn’t suck any.

if you had a refuser did persistency pay off or did they just never accept it? Did it just click one day?

any top tips as it’s stressing me out.

Have you tried a faster flow teat @sunshine2025? Is your DH home tonight or tomorrow? To be honest o think I would feed him then go out for a few hours and leave them to it.

Usually it’s advised that you drop one feed every two weeks to reduce your risk of mastitis and to get him used to the increased quantities of milk he’ll need if he’s FF but it sounds as though that ship has sailed and you need to get him used to you not being there when he’s hungry.

Have you thought about calling one of the BFing Helplines too and seeing if the BFC who answers has any tips?

So I’ve tried the faster flow teat and the milk drops into his mouth and he drinks it. But doesn’t actually latch the bottle to suck it himself

good idea about trying a BF helpline. Any idea who that is? I have never had issue with bf with either dc so not sure where to ask for help.

i think I do need to leave DH to it for a while. Maybe I’ll try leave the house tomorrow morning. Makes me pretty anxious thinking he’s crying of hunger though

Hi @sunshine2025. Can I check, are you planning to continue BFing? Rather than stop before this weekend away? I'm a long time BF supporter so here's what I would suggest:

You need to try without being there. He is 4mo and knows exactly what's available when you are there! Leave the house, but don't leave him really hungry. He'll be too distressed and you'll be upset too.

There are cups available from 3 months plus, perhaps try those. This might help as he wouldn't need to latch to the bottle.

Yes I am planning on continuing to bf (though ideally id like to drop the final bf feed of the day so DH can do it and I can finally get some sleep- I have a toddler too and im currently exhausted by being only one that can feed baby).

i do go into another room, is the view that I need to leave the house entirely?

DD2 was a bottle refuser. We introduced solids at 6 months and there was a particular cup that she confidently drank water from. I had to go to a meeting one day, taking her with me, at a time she was due to feed and, as I didn’t feel able to breastfeed there, I put some formula in her water cup and she was fine. I think once they start on solids they become a bit more experimental. It won’t be long 🤞🤞

My second baby flatly refused. Tried the usual stuff: skipping the feed before do she was really hungry, leaving the house so someone else could feed her… nothing worked (I wanted her to take the bottle in occasion as my DH was in hospital on and off and so I could visit). I asked the health visitor (I never had one come to my house so a misnomer, but the woman I saw at baby clinic) and she said after four months no reason why she couldn’t use a sippy cup. My baby was starting to eat real food then too so wasn’t so reliant on breast milk for all her food (I bf for a year, but she was down to one feed a day then just before bed). She did drink from the cup.

My now 22m old would only take a bottle (formula) when I was out and from my mum. If I was home forget about it. 😄

Even if he takes a bottle, it doesn't mean he'll calm down for sleep without you. Mine took a bottle daily, I went back to work around 7 months and pumped as well, but always needed me for bedtime. I couldn't leave him overnight at that age. Wouldn't be fair on him or whoever is looking after him.

At 4 months, it may be less stressful to just take baby with you.

Mine totally refused bottles, screamed blue murder at them, turns out she hated anything pretending to be a teat.... she wanted the real thing or nothing!!! I tried her on a tipee cup because I couldn't think of anything else and I was supposed to be going back to work, worked like a charm! I just sat her facing away from me, and helped her with it

My 11 month old still won’t take a bottle, I’ve tried everything 🫤 but will take water from a cup now but not milk or formula.

Nothing worked for mine. She started solids at 6m and has always refused to drink anything but water since we stopped BF at about 2yo. Any form of bottle was a flat no. In nursery from 11m and only drank water all day there. She's now at school and still won't entertain cows milk or squash at all.

I think at that age, it just might not be possible. Can you bring the baby with you?

You've had some good advice so I won't repeat but you will need to pump regularly while you're away aswell including at night so your supply doesn't tank its going to be a faff and inconvenient . Your friend may need emotional support but a weekend away with such a young bf baby ? Not something id be doing personally ( I'm bf a 5 month old )

I'm afraid our bottle refuser never changed her mind, and we tried everything (from birth as I didn't want to ebf!). She was also very mummy centric and woke for boobs about 10 times a night. We managed a weekend away at 18m as she accepted a sippy from my parents but would still absolutely freak for her dad.

COVID helped but I just didn't tell have a social life unless she came for several years. It's hard but it's what we sign up for when we start breastfeeding IMO (even if idiots like me think that introducing a bottle on day 1 will help). My first was bottle fed and I'd been on many nights out and a weekend away by 4m

I think a weekend away without a breastfed bottle refusing baby isn't really feasible at 4m. Sorry

Definitely leave the house completely. How have things gone today.

I had exactly the same issue and my baby started taking a sippy cup of milk at the same age.

My almost 2yo absolutely refused everything that wasn't breast whether I was there or not. I had to bail on A LOT of stuff - gigs, hen parties, nights away - and even when she gave up bf at 16m, she still needed the bedtime cuddle. I had my first evening away from her in August (but was back at 2am when she wanted a cuddle), and only had my first full night away from her last week.
I got myself so worked up trying so many different bottles, flows, cups, timings, formula or pumped milk, everything but remember thinking I'd never have my freedom again but honestly that time goes so quickly, it's worth cherishing.
If you're just going to see a friend, I'd ask if she minds you bringing baby or can DH come along too and maybe hang out nearby for feeds while you catch up?

Ps. Never got any useful advice for breastfeeding experts about it - was told it was just one of those things and that I should just be grateful i could breastfeed... hope you have a better experience

Interestingly I got a LOT of help as I was clear from the start that I didn't want to breastfeed fully. I did everything I could to sabotage it as well, but it turns out I had bombproof supply from day 1 that nothing could get in the way of 😂.

Despite lots of help and support we gave up in the end. We even tried a supplemental nursing system to my husband's finger as she'd suck his finger (no, we didn't take it a step furthershudder). That didn't work, syringe feeding didn't work. Special 'booblike' bottles. Nothing. Baby wants what baby wants sometimes, and go with the flow 🤷

He took about 60ml from my SIL (who completely rubs me up the wrong way!) in a mam bottle today. What a little traitor! Will try again tomorrow with DH to see if it’s a fluke or he especially likes Sil.

some of the comments re leaving baby- I know it’s early to leave baby (btw he will be 6 months when I plan to leave him, not 4 months) and I feel guilty about it . I can take baby but the reason my friend needs some support is it’s her 40th and she’s had yet another failed round of ivf. I don’t really want to take a baby to her. And I don’t want to say, ‘i can’t see you as I am too busy with my babies’. We started ivf at the same time and now I have two and she’s still trying. Having suffered infertility myself I feel it’s Important I support her and don’t leave her now I have babies, but know I can’t if baby doesn’t drink bottles without me.

I know you're trying to be a good friend, but kindly, your baby needs to come first.

Her struggles are sad but not your responsibility to fix or feel guilty about.
If she is a good friend she will understand your baby needs to be your priority and not pressure or guilt trip you.

Does she live a long way away? Could you not just meet up for a few hours even inbetween, take baby and DH and stay at a hotel or something?
At 6mths weaning is still very new so baby would be heavily reliant on regular feeds still and for EBF babies its the comfort and closeness to you that matters especially at night.

I have been the parent of two babies who hated bottles....it's not easy! 💗

@sunshine2025 not being able to be there for our friends 24/7 is part of being a mum of a baby. It's shit but that is the reality. And if she's had IVF, she should know quite a bit about babies and that a 6 month old can't just be left.

I had IVF too and if anything, it meant I had done years and years of reading about babies and their development. I would not have expected a friend to leave such a small baby behind for any reason whatsoever.

Babies do not explode if left do not feel guilt for wanting to go be with your friend! If you don’t want to go give your apologies about for being able to feed them early but if you do want to go, go! How lovely is it that your baby will be looked after and loved by other members of your family who love and cherish them so much.

Mine never took a dummy or bottle.

Both mine refused, the only thing that worked was persistency. Trying every single day for at least one bottle (expressed milk but could use formula). Eventually they just gave in. It’s a battle of wills!