My eight year old is so unhappy

[Frynye]

My Ds is eight. Four years ago he was diagnosed with a very serious health condition. This was very traumatic for him and us all. He’s had a lot of painful treatment, his illness is now under control but he will have it for the rest of his life. He’s will always need regular blood tests and treatments.

I thought we had managed everything well for him, but recently I have noticed he just seems so unhappy. I can’t seem to motivate him. His teachers say he’s ok in school, quiet and likes his own company (although he does have friends).
He just seems so glum all the time and can’t seem to find joy in anything.

I just don’t know what to do.

Didn't want to read and run! This must have been such a difficult time for you all.

Can you try to find small, consistent moments of joy for him? Baking, family card games (taco kitten pizza is a favourite here!), things that are about connection?

Helping him to regain a sense of control could help too - choosing post appointment treats, which arm for the blood test etc may all help him.

Is there a support group for children who have the same condition? They may help you and him.

Maybe a celebration day for him? To celebrate how amazing he is so the illness isn't a focus with his favourite food, activities, ask if he has a friend he wants to invite to join in?

I suspect there will be no easy quick answers but it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. You've got this mama ❤️

I think control is the key. We already have big treats on treatment days, hard to know if this is the right or wrong thing to do. It’s always about just getting though.

No support groups for the condition as it’s very rare. That also doesn’t help as people don’t understand it. Although a children’s charity loosely connected to it has arranged some therapy for him it’s not made a big difference.

Feel for you. Sometimes it's easy to forget that it's important for our children to see us having fun, I think it almost gives permission for them to be silly and joyful too. Maybe he is taking on some of your own worry about him, subconsiously? Do you think he sees you as happy?

Could you make an extra effort to be lighthearted and playful with him, your partner, etc and see if it helps loosen him up?

I think you're doing the right thing and it will just take time.

Are there any charities close to you that offer mentoring for children? Or could the school set him up with a buddy from year 6? Having a peer to talk to could help him. Or could the hospital/GP put you in touch with a group?

This is a great idea. I think we are happy and show it but maybe we need to make more effort.

I happened to be thinking about this, unrelated to your post, but it struck a chord. I think a lot of focus in parenting today is about mechanically fixing things in our children's lives rather than modelling what we think is a Good Life - hobbies, laughter, helping people, a work ethic etc.

I'm going off on a tangent and you clearly have a lot going on! But I do think children have to see their parents happy to be happy themselves. And after a diagnosis he could be (subconsiously) worried that he's (unintentionally) made you unhappy.

Do you think he might be depressed OP? That would be my worry as it sounds like he's been through a lot. I don't know what would be available on the NHS though or how long you'd have to wait.

I'm really sorry you're all going through this.

It does seem like depression! I had spoken to his doctors and they don’t really know what to suggest.

Seems such a strange word to associate with an eight year old though

So he walked out of school with a big smile on his face today and told me he’s joined the art club!
so maybe panic over nothing

I'm so happy to hear this ❤️