Exhausted from mum chat and anxiety

[Sunnyday14558]

I’m wondering if anyone has this same issue and if so, how they manage it.

I’m a mum of two young boys and after 3+ years I’m realising I don’t really enjoy hanging out with other mums. It always seems like a nice idea but I find the increased number of kids stressful, the constant talk about kids development etc anxiety-inducing, and I find the whole sensory aspect - kids screaming, potties, snot etc etc just overwhelming.

I come away from these meet-ups feeling battered and I’m honestly not sure what the kids get from it. Most of the time they all seem to be getting annoyed at each other. One of the things I really struggle with is comparison, I always feel like my child is being ‘difficult’ or not playing along like the others (but perhaps this is a projection from me). I’m constantly mirroring other mums by constantly telling my oldest not to play/run with sticks, or pretend to be scary, or climb high things but really I think this is a perfectly understandable/normal behaviour for a young energetic child.

I can feel myself avoiding friends/meet-ups at the moment and seeking opportunities to be alone with my kids. I do worry I’ll regret this in the long-run and keep trying to keep these meetings and acquaintances up. Mostly there’s an element of guilt that I’m doing my kids a disservice if we don’t go to playgroups, parks with others all the time. It all feels a bit claustrophobic to be honest.

Can you not see your friends at night for a drink, without any of your children present? Or are you saying these meet-ups are purely for your children’s benefit? If you think they genuinely benefit, then you’re going to have to learn to disengage from the aspect of conversation that makes you anxious. DS liked playgroups, but I (foreigner from out of town or a very insular village) used to bring a book. That way we both enjoyed ourselves.

I used to hate toddler groups. We used to meet up with people at the zoo/park etc instead and I found that less awful. DC liked the outdoors bit and space to run around.
I think it’s easy to start being a bit too alone when what you’re looking for is recharge time by yourself though. Having young kids is really, really overwhelming for those of us who need alone time, without adding other kids or parents or whatever into the mix. It is worth keeping some connections though OP.

Just sounds like a mismatch.

When you find friends who parent similarly to you then it's great.

There is NOTHING more annoying (to me) than hanging around with other parents who hover and keep telling off their children for being children.

If I'm meeting a friend with her kids it's because I want to have a coffee and lightly ignore my offspring.

Free play and working out social interactions on their own is what benefits children, if there's a parent constantly butting in then it's probably not as beneficial as you think.

Try some different playgroups? Is there anyone in the group whose more similar to you?

I wouldn't keep flogging a dead horse if you don't enjoy it.