Reasonable consequences for nearly 5yo boy kicking

[Harrjenk]

Hi, we have a nearly 5yo boy who has always been extremely physical- mostly in a really good way- just very high energy which we channel mostly successfully into outdoor activities that he loves. However he has also always been prone to hitting and kicking occasionally but recently the kicking has got really bad. It’s usually either first thing in the morning or when it’s time to go to sleep and he really kicks with intent to hurt us and laughs while he does it. For context we’ve had a lot of change recently as he’s started school (which he really likes and is going well) and we have a two week old baby. So understandably he’s disregulated and we get that. But this defiant behaviour has gotten pretty bad - sometimes just refusing to do anything we ask and saying No a lot, but also endlessly trying to hit and kick us. He’s strong and when he lands a kick that I haven’t been able to get out of the way of, it hurts a lot.

any ideas on how we effectively manage this? What is a reasonable consequence that actually makes sense to him and that we will follow through on? I feel completely alone in these moments and have no idea how to get through to him. I’m trying so hard to keep my cool and stay regulated around him. I’ve got the whole of half term on my own with him and the baby and I don’t want it to be a total car crash. We do a lot of talking when he has cooled down to explain that it’s not OK to kick etc but it has no effect.

thanks

Have a look at biglittlefeelings.
He is very young and is doing what he can to get attention which is very normal.
I would try ignoring it and just moving away very calmly with a passive comment like 'I will move away when you kick'. The end. Again and again. Don't over explain or justify. It doesn't need to be far. As soon as he stops or isn't doing it move back. His brain will realise that that behaviour isn't getting what he wants - attention.
All consequences, long talks about why it's bad, anything like that all gets him lots of attention. To him it just means 'I kicked then mummy sat down and gave me lots of attention for ages - I'll kick again!'
Meanwhile, lots of getting down on the floor and playing with him, getting engrossed in what he's doing.
If it continues after that then a different approach is needed.

I god no I couldn’t ignore a near five year old who kicked me with intent to hurt. A younger child maybe. But he’s ALMOST FIVE. I’m afraid I’d have to come down pretty hard on it, obviously calmly talking about how it’s not kind and all that jazz isn’t getting through to him.

He’d be getting a telling off and some sort of consequence- if at night, no stories or further engagement.

I feel like taking a harder line with this is going to benefit him far more in the long run. He keeps doing it because there’s no incentive for him to attempt to regulate himself in other ways. you need to work with him to find a less destructive way to vent his frustration. Kicking is reserved for footballs.

I agree with pp. you need serious consequences. Whatever it is he likes the most would be gone. I would explain that first that you’ve noticed him doing this and if it continues then the consequence will be xxxxxx then absolutely follow through.