DS 5 hitting and biting at school

[Beula82]

My DS 5 is in year 1 and on the assessment pathway for autism.

His teacher has been increasingly pulling me aside after school to talk, as his behaviour is getting worse. Yesterday she told me he bit another child then was held by two members of staff who he tried to hit.

She said they did a social story around biting and hitting which we have also done with him. She said she knows he has needs but this is unacceptable.

I'm at my wits end as I feel the school expect me to do something and I don't know what to do. We consistently draw boundaries at home around safe touch, but when dysregulated (often in a busy or overwhelming environment) he will bite, hit and kick me and I have to physically hold him to stop. Often I will read a story to him or take him to a quiet space to help but school said they don't have the staff to do this (they have a quiet sensory room).

We are in the process of starting an EHCP but this could be a long way off to get extra support in school.

He's clearly not coping and I feel so awful every time I'm pulled aside, like the school expect me to do something and I don't know what.

please help with any advice or suggestions of how I can help him.

I feel sorry for the other children at school who are having to spend every day worried they’ll be assaulted again.

What amazes me is when schools can't cope with extremely challenging children yet parents are expected to?

And we have less professional experience than them.

She told you it's unacceptable so what are you supposed to do then?
Sit in school all day, trying to control him?

Sorry I'm not helpful but I had this for years.
Other children were injured for years.
It only ended when DS was placed into a special school.

I would send an email to school, to the head, the SENCO and the class teacher.

Tell them you have had incidents reported but you don't understand what school is asking of you as a parent and would like it set out and for you to understand any way they think you can support the school to support your child.

Obviously they have to tell you when there is an incident.

It isn't his fault, your fault or school's fault there's a long wait for a diagnosis and an EHCP.

I'd ask for a meeting with SENCO. Reassure them that you are continuing with social stories etc at home and that you understand it's unacceptable but there's also only so much you can do when you aren't physically at school during the day.

Two members of staff were available to hold him after the fact that he bit a child, could at least one of them take him to the sensory room if he seems to be heading towards dysregulation? Is there enough room in the class for him to have a corner he can go to with a bean bag and cushions so he can chill for a while? Will he tolerate wearing ear defenders to see if that helps?

I'm sorry that you are in this position, it isn't fair on anyone that it takes so long to get help for children who probably need specialist provision.

I'd also ask for a meeting with the SENCO to discuss what support can be provided – focusing on what can be provided before he gets dysregulated and hits/bites. Schools have an obligation to support his needs, even without a diagnosis or EHCP. Obviously some things aren't possible without the extra funding an EHCP can provide, but there are plenty of things they should be able to do.

Can they arrange regular, planned visits to the sensory room to give him a chance to re-regulate? Planned should be easier from a staffing perspective than needing to find someone now because he's having a meltdown.

Can a routine be developed in the classroom around regular use of the quiet corner or regular movement breaks or whatever helps him?

Any items that might help him they could try, ear defenders, a sensory toys, a weighted cushion/blanket/vest?