My son (5) has had a best friend (B) for a few years. They went to nursery together and are now at the same school.
My sons has always been a fairly easygoing child. He can be negotiated with, understands our boundaries well and is generally a real treat.
His best friend is also lovely but a little bit wilder. He’s often running away from his parents, threatening to hit them and generally not listening. He can also be a little aggressive. B shoves my son a lot (my son says it’s a game they play and I’ve seen him do it too but a lot gentler). B has bitten my son multiple times at nursery and school - I always ask if my sons provoked B but the teachers always say no.
B lives on our cul de sac so we seen them often. His parents seem to have little or no control over their son. He’ll run into roads/ run away from them and they do little to try and keep up with him.
B will often constantly ring our doorbell and even tried to kick down our front door to get my son to go outside and play. His parents just yell at him to stop from across the road. Once the door wasn’t locked and he’s let himself in and started throwing around my son’s toys (my son wasn’t home). I was on a work call at the time so couldn’t ask him to leave. His parents, again, just told him to stop but didn’t physically come and get him for a few minutes.
B’s parents are about 10 years older than us so I don’t know if it’s a physical ability thing that stops them intervening.
I noticed my son’s behaving poorly when he’s with B (B tells my son “don’t listen to your mummy” and my son listens to him). I really want to create some distance between my son and B but I don’t know how. Sometimes at dinner I’ll mention that B’s behaviour isn’t ok and my son will agree but I don’t want to tell him to avoid him. My biggest worry is that it’ll cause my son not to be honest with me as I know he loves playing with B. My son adores B but I just can’t see how anything will change if his parents don’t get a handle on him.
I should say - I totally appreciate that I’m not a perfect parent and my son isn’t always an angel but generally he’s really lovely, gentle, thoughtful and kind. We have pretty firm boundaries that we decided on before we had children and have always been clear and honest with our kids about why we allow or don’t allow certain things.
I’d really like to avoid having a conversation with B’s parents about it all - honestly I’m mostly still shocked that they don’t see it has a problem.
I dislike commenting on other children’s behaviour but I’ve found myself saying things like “B I think your mummy wants you to go home now so I’ll walk you over the road - would you like to hold my hand?”. I feel that they’ve put me in a really unfair position because I’m often left to deal with their child and mine (I have 2).
I just don’t see how they don’t get that this is a problem that they need to do more about. Any advice on how to create some distance?