Struggling with parent and baby group. Should I stop attending with my baby?

[ChocolateKind]

Hiya!

My son is 4 months old and he is my first child. I have a problem with social anxiety. I am OK if someone starts a conversation first, but I find it difficult to start it. I don't have many friends who have very young children. I also don't have a partner and friends are busy with work so they can't go to this parent and baby group.

I have been attending my local parent and baby group for about 4 weeks and I am struggling with interacting with the other mums. I wanted to make connections to other parents, so my son can be around children his own age before starting nursery and school. The other mums seem to know each other.

I have tried to greet them and if their children come near me and my son, I smile and say hello, but the other mums ignore me and my son.

The staff talk to us, but they have other things to do.

Today we were doing sing-alongs and no one wanted to sit with us. I felt heartbroken. I was trying to not get upset and distracted myself with my son.

I'm wondering if to stop going, but my son loves watching people. He is a very smiley and vocal baby and seems to love interacting with others. I want him to be able to learn from being around children his own age. I do take him swimming and to different parks, but where I live it is quite limited to certain activities for very young babies. This parent and baby group is the only one local to me (I don't drive).

I know these kinds are groups should be more for the babies and for them to socialize, but I was hoping to build some relationships with other mums too.

It takes time. Keep going and try others too.

I felt the same way OP. Persevere, keep going. I promise it gets easier. I spoke to very few, then more people spoke, then suddenly other mums were commenting on how big baby was getting, asking questions etc. I don't speak to them outside of the group really, unless I see them in public then they chat away in a supermarket etc for a few mins. It does get easier. I always try to be inclusive if someone looks a bit lost or lonely in playgroups now as I was very much that person in the beginning.

I would say, at the age your baby at, a huge part of the point of these groups is to support the parents! Socially and then also ideas for activities with baby etc. So if you don't like this group, please don't feel guilty about stopping going due to your baby. It does sound like you would like to widen your own circle of parents with children, so if you can handle few more weeks then maybe over time you will make some connections ?

I'm sure groups really vary in who attends, how social they are etc. Maybe the other mums were friends first or have been attending this group longer. I'm sure its not personal to you. They don't sound very welcoming which is a shame!

Are there any other different groups locally that you could attend to try them and see if they are better fit for you?

I know its difficult to start a conversation with some one new, and you don't always click with people. But try having a few opening questions, is this seat free, is it OK if I sit here. And then follow up if they say yes, with another question eg have you been here a while, do you know if there are any pram walks locally
Choose people with kids similar age, who are likely to be new too. They maybe nervous too. And it's easier that you have something in common, every one wants to talk about their babies.
Good luck and don't give up

Definitely keep going, nothing worse than being home all day with a baby on your own.
Have you looked into toddler groups? Sometimes church based, others at community centres. These are usually the place to strike up conversations where activity groups tend to just focus on the activity.

I had a similar experience at a “stay and play”
type group, whereas I’ve found it easier to talk to people at more structured classes. I know you said there isn’t anything else locally but I’ve found a lot are really badly advertised! Try posting on your local Fb groups, check Happity, or try asking on the Peanut app to find others.

Honestly op you won't be the only one feeling like this it's more common than you think. I'd keep going, you'll probably find after a few weeks there will be new people that start attending that don't already know everyone, keep trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone with striking up the conversation.
i know you said that was the only one near you but have you had a look to see if there's anything on at local libraries, community centres, nurseries? I found a lovely little group ran by a local nursery that wasn't very well advertised but met some lovely people there and we went to a parent and baby session every month at the local library.

I agree keep going, plus as your child gets more mobile and interactive, you will have something to break up what currently feels like an endless awkward silence. I remember it feelings lot worse when my baby as 4 months because they didn't do anything and I felt like I was just sat there.

My children are 3 and 1 now and I go to groups all the time. Some days I feel like chatting and make conversation with people, some days I don't and just sit there with my children.

I feel so out of place at every baby group, and really self conscious.

Both with DC1 and DC2.

I'm a bit socially awkward.

Ultimately though, I think most people feel similar. It's a group of random people!

I have to say, I met one good friend at a church group 6 years ago and our kids are best mates now, so it was worth it!

I also just enjoyed getting out and I felt productive when I went, even if there wasn't much conversation.

I am super social, can chat to anyone easily and went to different mum and baby groups but only made one friend through those groups in a year. I think it’s quite hard to make friends at those types of groups and people seem to either know each other or focus on the kids then head off. Mums I know from those groups we say hi in town or at the supermarket etc. but don’t have proper friendships outside of that. Where I actually made a great network of friends was NCT (I know that is too late now) and from walking my dog locally and meeting other dog parents with young kids (random, I know!). A lot of churches also have mum and baby groups which may be more approachable and sometimes the organisers can recommend other people that are in a similar boat and maybe even do introductions.

Also, have you tried the Peanut app? That’s for mums that want to meet other mums locally. (Like a Tinder/Bumble for mum friends).

If it's true the other parents were totally ignoring you and your child then they sound very rude.

I would always want to make sure someone who looked a bit shy was included. Ever since I was a kid I always wanted to try and make shy people feel welcome. I hope you can find another group with people more like that.

They're there for you more than anything. If you're not enjoying them I'd stop and try a different group. How about something less sociable like baby swimming then try again with the more sociable ones once your baby is a toddler and interacting with the other children.

If it's the only one local I'd keep going. Eventually someone else will be the new girl.

It’s so difficult going somewhere new especially when the people aren’t very welcoming. Would it be an idea to talk to one of the staff members and ask if they could introduce you to a parent? I think the staff would be happy to do this especially if you’ve gone there several times. Apart from this, all you can do is to keep going and continue to be friendly. As others have suggested, ask questions and say, ‘Sorry, I don’t know your name’ and give yours. Then when you arrive next time, go over to the person you’ve talked to and ask if it’s ok to sit beside them.

Do you have a barnardos branch near you @ChocolateKind? Our local one runs weekly walks in the park for new parents, you may find it easier walking alongside other mums, than having to sit face to face with them x

I didn’t get along with my antenatal classmates and assumed it was me. Then I met another group of mums thru baby sensory and we are all really good friends now. Some people you get on, with and others you don’t, just try somewhere else