My teenage son is glued to his phone 24/7

[JessicaAlba]

Hi everyone,
I’m at my wit’s end with my 15-year-old. He’s on his phone constantly chatting, gaming, watching videos, even late at night when he’s supposed to be asleep. I have tried setting screen limits and having open conversations, but nothing really sticks. I am worried about who he’s talking to and what he’s doing online. What’s the best or most responsible way to do it without completely breaking trust?

So take it off him! You are the parent, after all. Lock it in the boot of your car at night?

He's 15, at a certain time of the evening you tell him to give his phone over and it goes away? I'm not sure why that's hard... my dd is slightly younger but as soon as she had a phone was told that her phone would be checked as and when we felt appropriate and when she went up to bed then phone stayed with us.

You need to parent your son for his own safety

What do you mean breaking trust? Take it off him at night and check it so you know who he’s talking to.

Errr take it off him. Set some limits. It’s your job.

Take it off him. It's not going to be easy because he is now an addict and will have to relearn how to spend time and live again without it. Study it: look at his history to find out how much time is being spent on each app to learn what his life is like and talk to him.

Dts are 14. The phones go in my room to charge overnight. They also know that I will check their phones occasionally.

Screen limit so he has a set amount of time per day. Then downtime from 10pm so nothing works outside of that time and/or physically remove it at 10pm.

ignore the ‘it’s not fair’ ‘my friends parents don’t’ etc. just do it.

You are the parent in this situation so create some rules and stick to them. this require YOU to reenforce boundaries and teach him good behaviours not him. he is a child. set the example and be firm.

If screen time doesn't work then take it off him. if that doesn't work replace it with a brick or buy a bricking device that bricks the phone during certain times. at some point your either take control or lose it completely and society end up with another maladjusted phone zombie whose afraid of human interaction

Honestly... you need to parent. Which means take the phone at night, search it whenever you damn please!

Remove the phone at 10pm give it back in the morning, simple! Our son is not allowed any tech in his room overnight, we don’t have any either. Set an example if you have to.

Take his phone away from him at bedtime! Keep it in your room if necessary! Surely this is fairly basic? Has he always been allowed to keep his phone in his room over night?

What do you mean break trust? I am a parent and have enough sense to know everything ticks our children off, even so much as checking their phone and they are throwing a tantrum. I have given up on being the ideal parent to be honest because I gave my kids all liberties trying to be one and had a bitter reminder when I found my daughter talking to a 40 year old man through a monitoring app I was using, Xnspy. Since then I have made sure my children have better alternatives to phones in the form of physical activities and trust me they are much better kids now. Do not let your son be addicted please, it is impact not only him but also your family severely.

He's addicted to his devices.

Do you happen to remember who bought him the devices?

The last 5 years was the time to instil healthy practices; OP you have to take responsibility for your failings so far.

That's the only way you'll realise that the solution is down to you and your parenting.

You need to connect with him if you can and gradually but firmly put in some rules around devices.

Start with no screens after a certain time of day, maybe 9-10pm.

He'll struggle initially because his brain is used to the constant satisfaction/reward/dopamine response a device generates.

He must have (or have had in the past) some other interests and pass times. Encourage him to reconnect with those.

If you want you son to have a life in the real world with rich and varied experiences - then you must but in the work now.

Downtime (if an android phone family link can set this) or physically out of their rooms overnight.

I've just removed family link from DC1's phone (16) because it was causing an issue with adding college email address. But it had downtime on between 12pm and 7am at weekends and between 11pm and 7am in the week previously. Now he leaves it at top of the stairs when he goes to bed. It's less about me policing what he does on it and more removing the temptation to be on it at 2am.

Yep, take it away at a certain time and charge it overnight in another room.

We did this with our two and even though DS is now 17 and more self-regulated, he still asks me to take it away sometime while he focuses on his homework. If I think he’s procrastinating, I sometimes suggest putting it on the charger and he usually agrees as he knows that it’s helpful.