5 year old fussy eating is killing me

[koalabearboombox]

My 5yo is so unbelievably fussy about food. Every single mealtime is an enormous tantrum. Currently she will only eat chips and ketchup and if she's served anything else it is a massive meltdown. It's the same at every mealtime. She's also absolutely obsessed with milk and will drink cups and cups and cups of the stuff and then refuses to eat. It's driving me absolutely up the wall.

What do I do? MIL advice is just let her have what she wants until she's sick of it and open to trying new things, but surely she will get ill from living off milk and chips?

At what point do I speak to a GP?

Will she drink milkshake? If so you could give her rhe protein based ones

I think your MIL’s advice is correct. Once your child feels more in control at mealtimes, their stress levels will come down and things will be more manageable (even if they don’t necessarily eat more food).

Have you read up on ARFID? I’d ask your GP if you can be referred to someone who deals with it (could be CAMHS or a hospital) and go from there.

No point having tantrums.

It’s not working.

Give her what she will eat plus gummy vitamin tablets and then slowly work on introducing one food at a time.

also read up on ARFID

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/arfid.html

Have you had any other concerns about neuro diversity? This could be a factor.

My DS has ASD and he went through a strong phase of having limited foods but not ARFID level. Often safe foods are foods that taste the same all the time, unlike vegetables which often taste different or feel different.
I offer the “safe” food’ in this case chips, alongside something new or unfamiliar. Usually what we are having. Keep having conversations around needing lots of vitamins etc(although do give a multivitamin). I put the food out and encourage eating but try not to stress if it’s not eaten.

What does she eat for breakfast?

Hello.

Have you heard of ARFID?
One of my children has it. He would only eat chips and baked beans as a child. He also drank milk.

Your child is getting plenty of nourishment from all the milk.

ARFID generally goes with the autism spectrum. My son is autistic (and so am I). My son is an adult now and he lives on HUEL. He still likes chips though.

I agree with your MIL. Don't make reading a battle. Let him have what he likes.

ARFID and Autism: Strategies and Support - Dietitian With a Difference Link

At what point do I speak to a GP?

ASAP. Start the diagnostic process.

My 5 year old dd is a picky eater, and it got quite bad when she was 4. What we do is make sure we eat all together as a family and I cook family meal. I serve plates of food to everyone, on my DDs plate we put the food everyone’s having, plus something we know she’ll eat. So in your DDs case I would put for example spaghetti bolognese and a side of chips. Then when serving the plates make no fuss, put it in front of each person and start eating and talking about something as a family. Eventually she started trying bits of the meal, and now she’s still fussy but she will eat some of what we give her now and will try new things.

I will say that my DD is suspected to have ASD and ADHD so I agree with pps that it’s something to look into.

DS was a lot like this.

Then a friend said, that when he was a child he was pressured and that made things worse. He just wanted milk all the time.

So we stopped the pressure.

Keep in mind the milk has a high calorie count.

Instead of doing kiddie food, we did proper food and sharing plates. Over time he started getting interested.

He still hates stuff like nuggets but will happily eat a curry. He didn't like food which was dull. He likes food that makes his pallet interested. It has to look attractive.

Basically we had a small child who thought he was a food critic and put up a protest.

What does she eat at school? We've pretty much never managed to nail that one as he hates the smell and looks of lunch box food and school dinners.

DS is ADHD and this is the first sign that school actually recognised.

Read about arfid and see if it resonates for your child. Talk to your GP now.

Keep an eye on weight. In most circumstances growing children should not be losing weight. If they are and you have this kind of eating behavior, it’s very unlikely to just be picky eating.

whatever it is, don’t make meals a battle. Even with picky eaters, always have something available with the meal they will eat. You can also offer other foods.

with arfid, sometimes offering the other food can cause so much distress they won’t eat the safe food, so you may have to separate the two.

I’d talk to the GP now.

I’d cook for the family as normal, serve her chips, and put some of whatever you’re all eating on her plate, not touching the chips. Do not mention it. Don’t mention if she doesn’t touch it, also do not mention it if she does. You could also ask her if she’d rather eat alone. She may hate that, but as a former extremely restricted eater as a child (and still quite a restricted eater) what I hated was the sense of my mum watching out the corner of her eye thinking “ooh is she going to eat it! She’s had a spoonful! I’ll congratulate her for trying and suggest she has more!” I just wanted to be left alone to try what I wanted, and leave what I wanted, with no pressure. I wanted to eat, but I couldn’t, and I wanted to try the tiniest tiniest nibble without comment. I’m not blaming you - the pressure was in my head, so I’m not saying you’re putting pressure on, but that doesn’t mean she won’t feel like it’s there.

My 55 year old brother lived for a year on tinned peaches when he was 6.

I think it will be ok.

@PegDope 😂

People, especially on here, will immediately jump to the ARFID conclusion, which, whilst a possibility, isn't the only cause of this, so I wouldn't take this as the case and just give up.

Certainly seek some guidance from your GP but in the meantime, don't automatically assume ARFID and try some of the tried and tested techniques like getting her interested in the planning and preparation of meals, allow her to serve her own portions etc

Different view here.
My mother fussed about what I ate ad nauseum. Eat this, eat that, taste this, have some of this. Poke, poke with a fork, put some on a fork, ooh try it, go on, Johnnie next door eats all his dinners, eat it up and grow big and strong, get curly hair.

Every meal time became a battle ground. I remember being starving but refusing to give her the satisfaction.

I am a recovered anorexic.

@koalabearboombox back off.

Nothing but peaches?! With their laxative qualities that must have been... interesting.