Partner wants to

[gratefulmumm]

Stay at home all afternoon with the toddler who is grouchy..

I always get out in the morning and afternoon with him but my partner just wants us to chill at home this afternoon and 'not do any activities I.e crafts etc' - just let him play.. I understand his want to do this but for 4.5 hours doing nothing - no activities I.e sitting doing nothing - not setting up any play fills me with anxiety haha.... in my experience if I don't do anything with him he just ends up whiney.... also my partner often says 'the way I play with him is so hectic' and I should only take out one toy at a time...

Does anyone else do this with their toddlers too? Sit at home for whole spurts of time not doing anything?'

Yes, I couldn't imagine being constantly busy all day everyday. Isn't there anything you would like to be doing instead of entertaining a toddler?

I used to try and stay in with my toddler because I'm a lazy arse but dear lord, life was far harder doing that than just getting out for a few hours.

Not to even have any activities going on is just masochistic. Bored toddlers aren't fun to be around.

Completely depends on the toddler. I could never do this with DS as he would become unmanageable and we would have to go out. With DD she would happily entertain herself for hours on end

Why not try it and see how it goes. It may be your toddler could do with the odd recharge afternoon at home. Or it may be he gets bored and whingy after an hour or two.

How about leave your partner with toddler and you head out and do something? If toddler gets whiny it will show your partner why you take him out!!

Obviously none of us know quite your partner's interpretation of "just let him play" nor yours of "setting up activities for him" but it does sound odd that you can't perceive of relaxing for an afternoon without planning it out.

Why not just leave him and your partner together for the afternoon and you crack on with something you want to do - whether that is something for yourself (long bath, go for a walk, go to a museum, read a book, go to the gym, meet a friend, go round to your Mum's or other family member, etc, or whether that is getting out in the garden / wash the car / decorate the spare room / do some batch cooking / sort out all the photos on your phone / whatever floats your boat ?

Or there is the compromise of doing something non-intense or 'planned' for a bit, then letting him 'help' you change the sheets or wash the car, then going for a walk round the block or off to look for some conkers, then just chilling with some books for a while. It doesn't need to be all or nothing.

Haha yes it's definitely a anxiety thing of mine... like
I can't just sit there not doing anything.. if I'm on my own with him for long stretches of time I'll play with him constantly - unless I'm cooking or cleaning ... I think when my partners there I feel like eyes are on me - he always sais 'what toy are you getting out now?' Or he'll get annoyed that I'm getting out playdough or a craft... but to just sit?? Not sure why the thought makes me so anxious!? 🤣

It's really important for development that children are given time and space to play freely by themselves, outside of adult led play and activities. Your DH is absolutely correct, although I think 4.5 hours is too long. Make sure you encourage this kind of free play for a period every day though.

I wouldn't stay in all day with a toddler unless one of us was ill....they need a good run around usually. Also don't know where you are but the weather is very nice here in London and winter is coming soon so I'd definitely rather be out and enjoy it. Can't you go out on your own with your DC?

Yes indeed @NuffSaidSam definitely agree and I do try to let him have his independence too - I think it's because he ends up just coming to me and wanting me to play with him... 4.5 hours just seems like so long ha! I think there's a part of me also that just feels like he should be outdoors in the fresh air when it's so nice.

Thankyou so much eveybody though! I have taken your advice and have taken myself upstairs to sort out the kids wardrobes! ☺️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙌

So he's just come upstairs and had a go at me for 'not keeping my promise' and letting him have the whole day off today' and called me selfish and controlling and weird..

He called me selfish three times for going upstairs and doing the wardrobes and then had a go at me for not doing it properly. Then he ordered me to go upstairs and leave them alone and when I said he can't order me around he called me weird and selfish again... lovely turn 😅

Sorry for the vent...

This is a completely different thread.

Yes sorry @CarpetKnees you're right x

You don't need to apologise to me.
You need to think about what you are going to do about it.
I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.

Thankyou @CarpetKnees x