I am so lost.

[muddle123]

My 4 month old Baby has been suffering with teething and this bottom teeth slowly breaking through. For the last few days he has been crying repeatedly.
he went to my mother in law Saturday and when we went to pick him up 7hrs later, she was bragging about how he didn’t cry once, even her other sons said he didn’t cry once. The moment I picked him up he started crying, and all i get is “it’s the first time he done that” we take him home to get him into bed, and he literally screams the whole house down.

it makes me feel so bad, like I’m doing something wrong and I’ve very much someone who does everything by the book, I read things, I watch baby videos by medical professionals. It makes me feel worthless that my baby has such a reaction when I have him compared to when my mother in law has him.

i have this feeling that because this has happened my mother in law is going to insist on having him a lot more but I don’t want to let go of him 😔

He's got a sore mouth and he's upset about it. That's it. There's no greater secret. You're doing a great job, and I think your mil is full of shit. He absolutely cried. She's just not his mum, so five of crying multiple times won't bother her the way it naturally bothers you. And you don't have to leave him if you don't want to - "oh sorry mil, he's really not feeling great right now, I'll keep him home".

All of this is perfectly normal baby behaviour @muddle123

They often behave well for others when you’re not around and then burst into tears when they see Mum. It’s the relief of seeing you. You’re their comfort and their safe space.

Instead of looking at it the “D”Mil did such a wonderful job, try to look on the situation that you and your baby have a wonderful bond and they missed you during that time and became a bit overwhelmed with the relief of seeing you.

And your baby missing you is not an excuse for her to have him more.

If she’s telling people that she’s doing a better job than you than she’s not very nice and if anything, she should see LO less if she’s using it as a tool to undermine your confidence and your bond. Stay firm. You’re in control of who has your baby and when

He was probably crying because he missed you and you returning triggered emotion - you're his primary attachment figure. 7 hours apart would feel like a life time to a four month old. I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong, at that age all they want/need is you. Is there any way you can leave for shorter periods of time?

He cries with you as he comfortable with you. Xxx

Agree with others that you’re his safe space, they do this even as young kids, keep it all together and fall apart when they see us

your MIL sounds nasty to say that, it wasn’t necessary at all

stock up on calpol, teething powder and teething toys. Don’t underestimate just how much a cuddle can help, it doesn’t mean they won’t still be upset but that comfort is everything to them when they’re in pain

deep breaths, you’re doing a great job

I remember one awful day of DD crying all day long until I couldn’t take it anymore. Went and knocked for the neighbour (she had a toddler) and asked her to come over and see if I’m missing something , a bit of company and sanity check really. As soon as she came in, DD stopped crying and didn’t hear a peep out of her … until she left. 🙄🙄

No-one is better at your baby than you. No-one. You have a 9 month head start on everyone else. You smell and sound like safety to him. At this point he is only just beginning to understand you AREN'T him.

Babies cry. Sometimes they cry a lot. He cries because he wants you to comfort him. And just like grown ups, you can be doing everything right and actually BEING comforting, and they still feel like crap because the thing that's upsetting them (sore teeth in this case) is still crap.

Doesn't mean that you comforting him "isn't working; you being with him and showing him love and patience through his suffering is soothing his nervous system, building his neural networks, and laying the foundations of his self esteem by telling his subconscious that he is safe, that his needs matter, and that someone will respond if he asks for help. You're not magic, you can't stop his teeth hurting, but you can and are doing all that.

I tend to be pretty sceptical of people or our parents generation saying babies "didn't cry". Bearing in mind this was the generation who mostly did "cry it out" and left babies in the garden in their pram to cry, I think things have to be pretty apocalyptic before they pay them any mind. And yes often that approach does mean the baby cries less; why waste the energy if it isn't getting the response you need?

Trust me, if you're worrying you're not doing things right, you're probably doing just fine. It's people who are super confident their way is the right way and aren't flexible and attentive to their individual baby who will be missing the mark.

Keep going and focus on the baby and you. Other people's opinions and wishes are totally bloody irrelevant at this time xxx