Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

DD (5) ia model student at achool but extremely challenging at home. Help please!

9 replies

feb1982 · 11/10/2025 09:12

Just had a parents evening with my DD’s (age 5) yr1 teacher. It seemed like she was describing a different child. This has been the case throughout nursery and in reception. At school she is well-adjusted, happy, bright and engaged with learning. She has a nice group of friends and joins in during class. At home it is a different picture. She can be lovely but a lot of the time her behaviour is extremely challenging. She still has regular big tantrums (at least 2 a day) and struggles hugely with regulating herself. She is a real live wire and wants to be active all the time. Any games we play have to be dominated by her and if we deviate from her rules then she melts down. If we try and talk to her about her emotions once she has calmed down she will put her hands over her ears, get really upset refuse to engage.

We are very close and she relies on me to regulate her. Whilst I try my best is it extremely draining day after day. It can really impact on our family life with us all walking on eggshells hoping to avoid her next tantrum and her 3 year sister saying she wishes she didn’t have a sister who screamed so much.

Should we be concerned? She can also be very anxious and defiant (but very well behaved at school). Last year she got the school prize for being a role model for good behaviour. We were slightly amazed!!

We occasionally get to our wits end and discuss how we think that her behaviour can’t be ‘normal’ but are we overreacting? I feel that if we talked to the school they would think we are mad. Ultimately we just want her to be a kind ,well-adjusted and happy person. Any advice or comments would be hugely appreciated!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CosyAutumn · 11/10/2025 09:22

She could be masking at school until she’s at home in her safe place, with her safe people. This is a common trait for girls who have ADHD and/or Autism. Have you researched either of these? Might be worth a look x

Jokeymcjokeface · 11/10/2025 13:30

Exactly what previous poster mentioned. Masking is more common in girls. They suppress so much at school they are completely overwhelmed and exhausted when they get home. In their safe space they can then let loose. Defo speak to the school, they will not think you are mad and may be able to look at her day routine to help. Ask to speak to the SENCo too. You will not be alone in this.

Dueindecemberr · 13/10/2025 18:54

No advice but exactly the same situation. Dd is also 5 and has had HUGE tantrums last night, this morning and evening. We have parents eve on wed so I’m going to ask school again.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

feb1982 · 14/10/2025 20:34

Hope it goes well @dueindecemberwould be interested to hear what feedback you get.

OP posts:
feb1982 · 14/10/2025 20:37

@cosyautumnthank you - I have looked into this a bit but there is so much information out there, often seemingly contradictory and it can be a bit overwhelming!

OP posts:
crappycrapcrap · 14/10/2025 20:38

At 5 I would first assume she’s exhausted and encourage lots of rest, early bedtimes and scrap any extra curricular activities whilst she’s so young. Tantrums are still within the realms of normal at 5. Make sure she’s hydrated and eating ok.
Don’t be too quick to want to label her imo.

johnd2 · 14/10/2025 21:22

Suspecting ND and keeping an open mind/making enquiries is not like you're slapping a label on your child.
I would definitely keep it on the radar, sounds similar to our 5 year old who is waiting for an assessment, things do burst out at the edges at school, but the main brunt of the behaviour is at home. Not really bad behaviour but he has 2 speeds of his brain, 100 miles an hour or lying on the floor unresponsive. And the latter dominates after a full school day presumably of the latter.
He's fully aware that he's ND and it's not exactly a free pass for anything in this world.
The school should understand as it's a very common presentation, and make reasonable adjustments, although refining what they are is tricky.

DaisyChain505 · 14/10/2025 21:27

These can be telling signs of underlying issues like autism and ADHD. After having to spend the day masking, faking being ok etc (especially in girls) they crash and burn emotionally when back in their safe space.

Just a possibility of course.

FlappicusSmith · 14/10/2025 21:41

Another one saying keep an eye out for ADHD and Autism. Read up on the traits in girls and how they mask. The fact you're asking yourself 'is this normal/ am I over-reacting?' (assuming that this isn't isolated), is a flag for me. I had similar thoughts about DD during her earlier years. Her traits are different, but she was diagnosed with autisum and adhd at 12. Similarities were hating talking about her behaviour after-the-event and needing things to go how she had planned (e.g. if a playdate deviated from how she had imagined it would go). Other tell-tale signs were her saying 'no one will play with me', but what it actually turned out to be was that no one wanted to play her games (based on a book series she was really into, but no one else was). She often perceives opinions or tastes that differ from her own as personal rejection.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread