Problems with new nursery

[OhPickle]

DS started nursery in September. He will be 4 at the end of the year. His teacher advised that she thinks he has a problem with his receptive language and appears to not understand much and isn’t learning, she wanted to refer him to SLT. However he’s a completely different child at home and we were told so often at his playgroup last year that he was a very bright boy and well ready for school.

In nursery they are currently learning the days of the week and the nursery teacher said he’s not picking this up at all however DS knows the days of the week and has done for a long time. He gets up every morning and either asks me or tells me what day it is. He knows it is October and that Halloween is in a few weeks and is excited to dress up and go pumpkin picking. She completed an assessment on him and he appeared to know very little. She asked why we wash, he said he didn’t know but if I ask him he says it’s because we have to be clean, asked him why we go to bed and he said he didn’t know, when I asked he said you go to bed to sleep. Asked when the moon comes out… again he said he didn’t know.

He is such a bright boy and has known the alphabet, phonics, colours, shapes, seasons, months of the year etc for a very long time. He can read by himself and breaks down words and pieces them together. He enjoys puzzles, crafts, painting, colouring etc but isn’t doing much in nursery, I’ve been advised he has to be prompted to do anything artsy. This has concerned me and the teacher doesn’t understand why he’s behaving this way. He is a completely different child in nursery from what the teacher is telling me.

Has anyone else experienced this and can shed some light? I know it is a big change but he seems to be a shell of his usual self.

Well he’s only been there since September so maybe he’s a bit shy? He could feel intimidated by the teacher and other children if he’s not used to it. I’d try explaining how he is at home and suggestion he settles in for a term before they start panicking!

I have said that he can be quite shy around other children (he’s fine with his cousins and those he’s familiar with) and they are now going to put him into smaller peer groups and reassess after the Halloween holidays. The teacher suggested I bring him to the doctors which I feel is an overreaction as he has only been there 5 weeks and already been off 4 days due to his chest.

She also described him as excitable and asked does he have any ‘quirks’. The whole thing has really bothered me as I feel like she’s implying ASD without even giving him a chance to settle in?

My daughter is the same, she won't engage with conversation with adults that aren't her "safe" adults. She would just be mute though rather say I don't know

She does the "I don't know" with us at times too, I think it's when she is second guessing and doesn't want to be wrong.
She's 5 and in year 1 and her communication has been an ongoing issue at school. She is very selective about what she will talk to the teachers about. She won't ask for the toilet, tell the teachers she is ill or finding the classroom difficult due to the noise. It took until the final half term of reception for her reception teacher to become a safe person to talk to.

I don't have asd concerns about my daughter that said, there is overlap and some of the support the school has put in place is the same as they do with neuro diverse children that have this issue and these did help her.

Language and communication is more than just knowing the right answer it's also about feeling comfortable to communicate too.

I work in early years and a month Is far too early to be discussing concerns. Children take a good few months to settle into a new setting and we won’t make any judgement or be worried about anything until at least 3 months. We do have a chat with parents after 6/8 weeks to have a chat and to discuss settling in.

we do an observation report on each child every 6 months where we observe the children then discuss with parents what we observed. Sometime we don’t observe children doing certain things but parents say they do them at home but if we haven’t witnessed it or it isn’t happening all the time we can’t say that the child can do it.

id be telling the nursery that you aren’t willing to engage with their concerns until he has been in nursery for at least 3 months to allow your child to fully settle in.

Thank you for the responses. He has had two assessments already which is far too soon imo. And he’s not a performing monkey that is going to jump through hoops when asked.

I will take your comments on board and see how he is managing at Christmas. Parent teacher meetings before Halloween also seems much too early to me.

This sounds all too much for a 3 year old not even in school yet. Is this one of those academic hot housing nurseries?

He does not need to learn the days of the week at 3 years old. They do this in school. In fact, I’m pretty sure my now 7 year old did days of the week last year in Y2. He still doesn’t totally get them right, but it’s fine - he’s 7! He’s not a company director booking in high level client meetings or a surgeon who needs to turn up on the right day.

At 3, they need to be outside building dens and mixing up cakes in a mud kitchen and painting and learning how to share and take turns. It’s probably too late to change nurseries now (I absolutely would if you had more than a year), as this one doesn’t sound great, but otherwise, I’d ignore. Ask what play he did that day instead. Do lots of reading together at home. Let him be a child.

Children can be bright and still need support from SaLT. Accept the referal and SaLT will assess and decide if he needs input or if nursery just aren’t getting him.

I agree with a lot of the advice you’ve had already but particularly with this.

DC can talk really well and still need SaLT. There is no shame in your DC having SaLT, it’s not a failure on anyone’s part. Also the waiting lists are long and it’s much better that he’s referred now than wait until after Christmas and then find that he needs a referral.

I would never feel ashamed if he needed additional support. I don’t understand what he would need to attend SaLT for? And why this assumption has been made with 19 days of 2 hour attendances.

I agree that it does seem like he hasn’t been there long but perhaps they’re seeing behaviours that you’re not at home?

If you’re not happy with their method or how they’re communicating with you, could you book a meeting with them to discuss what’s going on a bit further?

My cynical opinion is that the teacher may deliberately under assessing children’s skills. This means that when they are later assessed at the end of the academic year it will show a high ‘value added’ impact from her teaching.
I’m an ex-teacher, I was told my assessments were showing as too high at the start of the year.

I have had a meeting as this is how I found out that he wasn’t answering things he knows and from what I’ve discussed, he isn’t acting like himself whatsoever. He wasn’t like this at his playgroup, he loved it there and was so confident. His new nursery have no idea about his capabilities which concerns me. I’m hoping it will just take him a little while to adjust and he’ll be back to his normal self soon.

Strange you say this, my mum had the same idea and I completely dismissed it. If this is the case and this happens, how unfair is this on the child and parents. I’m worried sick. I’ve the Sunday scaries tonight thinking I’m sending him to nursery tomorrow and he’s unhappy there