DD fixated on old friendship

[RandomTyping]

DD is 6 - Year 2, but youngish in the year. She's very happy there - settled, outgoing, has a spread of different friends. Before school, she was at a fairly small nursery, and seems to have developed a kind of preoccupation with one of her old nursery friends, that I'm not sure how to deal with!

She will go through periodic phases of talking a lot about this friend and how much she misses her. Right now, she's getting quite upset about the possibility of never seeing her again - and also saying, whenever she has a falling out with someone at school, that it just makes her sad about this friend not being there, because she knows that this wouldn't happen if this girl was still around.

I didn't really stay in touch with any of the parents from nursery. I was on smile-and-small-talk terms with this girls mum - they came to our house once, for a single playdate, and it feels like it would be quite weird to message her now and try and restart contact between the kids after over two years. I'm also not sure it's the best thing. DD seems to have built up this friend in her head as some perfect lifelong soulmate - and they did play together a lot during her three days at nursery, but they also fell out quite a lot!

It feels more like I need to tackle this idea she's developed that she wouldn't have any problems with friends if only she was still in touch with this girl - and help her come to terms with not seeing her anymore, although I feel a bit mean about this as I probably could root out her mum's phone number and get in touch - it just feels weird and awkward to do so at this point, and like it's just going to ignite the issue further.

We did actually randomly run into this girl in town about six months ago, which may have triggered this latest focus on missing her - and they didn't actually recognise each other! It feels more like she's pining for the idea of her friend, rather than the person herself - but I'm not sure how to explore that concept with a six-year-old!

I think that the fact that they didn't recognise each other says it all! I think you might have to wait this one out until your DD makes a new best friend at school or at an activity.

She has many friends at school though! Far better ones than this girl was, who we've seen a lot more of. After two years, with things seemingly getting more pronounced not less, I feel like I need a different strategy beyond waiting....

in that case it might be worth asking the old friend's mum if they can meet up somewhere low key, like a playground, for an hour or so "because Friend has been on Daughter's mind recently and she wondered whether they could play together sometime" (rather than "because Daughter is developing a fixation with Friend"!).

Hopefully getting them together will actually break the fantasy/ daydream,bif you think it's getting outvof hand and preventing your DD engaging fully with her real (rather than daydream) life.

You might feel awkward but meh - the worst that happens is a mum you never see thinks its slightly odd and doesn't reply or says they're too busy. You've lost nothing then, but it could be the reality check that breaks the "spell".

It could be they actually get on and want to play together from time to time - also fine if it's the real girl and not dd's imaginary ideal version!

Maybe I should... It's more awkward because they live out in a little village 30 minutes away (nursery was attached to work, so a lot of people commuting in for work would send kids there, who didn't necessarily live locally). If she lived around the corner I might have done this already, but it feels like a big deal to drag them all thevqay here/schlep all the way over there.

It doesn't feel like it's getting in the way of her school friendships - if anything, it's harder to understand because she seems grand at school: well-liked, bubbly, lots of solid friendships. She just gets a bit down sometimes, and keeps citing missing this one friend as the reason.