Pester power - creative minds needed!

[MrsThierryHenry]

A friend of mine has been complaining that her kids (aged 4 and 9) keep on hassling her a the supermarket - now that most big stores have toy lines she gets hassled for both toys and junk foods! I'd love to give her some pointers but my DS is just a tot so I haven't reached the dizzy heights of tweenies yet.

Have any of you out there discovered creative ways to break the power of pestering?!

get tesco to deliver

I either:

• Shop without dd
• Make it clear before we go into the store that we're only purchasing food, and nothing else
• Give dd a token amount to spend so that she must choose an item within her 'budget'

At various times, all of the above have worked well for us.

What's wrong with saying no?! And again and again ad nauseum till they get the message.

I really don't get 'pester power'. Who's in charge here?

Or if she really can't resist giving in to a 4 and 9 year old maybe she could allow them to spend some pocket money when they go shopping. But really, I don't understand why children should have something bought for them every time they go shopping.

I agree with the saying "No" approach - it can be very hard and the first outing won't be pleasant, but persist and persist and the kidswill be worn down.

ALternatively, get out in cash the amount you have to spend. SHow/tell the kids how much that is. Give them a calculator to tot up what's being spent as you go around the shop and the cost of things will soon become more appparent.

I don't understand why some parents feel they need to justify their reasons to a four year old. Parents are in charge of their children and whether they get bought any treats. No means no. Where's the problem?!

I give my DC pocket money and he can spend it however he wants. We started age 4 for the very reason being outlined here. It took a while for him to realise that his £1 didn't stretch to much and that he'd have to save to get something good, but now, 2.5 years on, he's been saving for months for something BIG (changes his mind constantly, but probably some sort of gaming console), with the occassional moment of weakness when he has spent some of his savings on something smaller and set himself back a few weeks. Rarely pesters now, although he's still not totally cured

Just keep saying no. They have to learn that no means no.

I never bought my children any treats during our everyday shopping rounds (which I do at the COOP).

Eventually, we instituted Saturday sweeties but then we made it a special trip to another shop. The point being to make sure that they did not associate ordinary shopping with getting something for themselves, because that did not enter their experience.

Dc's started getting pocket money in Year 1, as that was when we found they were old enough to have some idea of money.

• Deliveries
• Shopping at street market (for fruit & vegetables, fish)
• Shopping at specialist shops (butcher, baker)

I drop by the supermarket on my way home from the morning school drop off when I am child-free and therefore avoid all its temptations.

Another useful thing I found was to make it clear that I had already worked out a budget/shopping list and that our money was just enough to buy us the things on the list without extras. (there wasn't actually a list- though I suppose mentally there was)

I have also got them trained in the old stock phrases 'I am not made of money' and 'money doesn't grow on trees'- in a lighthearted way, so I can trot them out without getting upset.

But really I agree with Karen. Not that difficult to say a plain 'no' and change the subject.

Yes, no tactics, no buggering about, just a 'no, we're here to buy food and that's it'. Mine are 7 and 5 and the younger will whinge for a bit, but like her older sibling it'll pass.

i don't routinely buy mags/sweets/toys when shopping with my 2

my ds used to get to choose the yogurts (final aisle in our supermarket) if he'd been good

or he could pick what kind of bread we had for lunch/cakes for the afternoon

or if we're in town he might get to choose which cafe we go to for coffee

Too late for your friend but with a tot - I'm getting dd used to the idea of 'we're just looking'. Your friend has probably been in the habit of buying small things while shopping. Very easy when they're very young and treats are inexpensive. I've been doing it myself and realise that I must stop and not let dd think all shopping means treats for her. It is working though - she accepts that most often we are 'just looking' at toys.

Thanks so much for all your useful suggestions! I think she mistakenly believes that all parents are like her and give in all the time. We're actually very firm with our 18 mo DS about boundaries, so I don't anticipate ending up in my friend's situation when he reaches 4.

HuwEdwards! You're actually on my thread! I'm, like, totally in awe! Have you worked hard at perfecting your Elvis "Uh-huh-huh! I'm all shook up!" sneer, or does it just come naturally?!

Oh, anyway I shall now send her forthwith to this very thread so that she can see how other parents handle shopping. Thanks again!