will i harm dd

[megcleary]

Not sure if posting on right topic so apologies in advance.

She is 9mo and i am finding weaning hell, somedays she have a few spoonfuls at each meal but other days it is a battle of refusing the spoon, flinging finger foods etc sometimes i shout in frustration "stop" or "for f*s sake" then she gets shocked and crys for a sec and then calms down then i cry due to guilt,

I dread each meal am i going to f* her up due to my shitty parenting and lack of patience.

Help please.

The key thing to remember is it does not matter if she eats next to nothing.

Is she bf? Milk is her food, really for the first year. Anything else is just a practice. So offer whatever and sit back then clear up

Oh please, not even Mother Teresa could have patience if she was trying to wean a baby I'm sure you won't do any long-term damage. You might turn it into a battle of wills for a while, but once she calms down and learns to eat a bit better then you'll relax and it will all seem easier, I'm sure.

Hi - I think you need to try and relax (easier said than done I know) - if you are tense then your dd will pick up on it.

AT 9 mo she will still be getting most of her nutrition through her milk. Maybe you could try some old favourites - or some brand new finger foods for a few days .

We all go through the I', a dreadful mum stage - it is part and parcel of being a parent - so don't worry!

In all honesty if you don't chill out it isn't going to get easier anyway.

If you just forget about trying to make her eat she may start of her own volition in a couple of weeks anyway.

Poor you, sounds like you're having a tough time! Try and remember that solids aren't essential at this age, it doesn't matter if she eats loads or none at all as long as she's drinking her milk. It's only after 12 months that they start really needing the solids.

She's probably realised that this is a flashpoint for you as well, so she's acting up. You could try just plonking some food in front of her and letting her get on with it, give her the spoon and let her make a big mess? She might not like being fed, iyswim, and want to get stuck in herself.

And then just sit and chatter at her and see what happens? And if she doesn't eat anything, then try again at the next meal.

We did BLW with DS and he hardly ate anything until he was about 10-11 months, and he's hale and hearty (he's now 2).
HTH

have you tried allowing her to feed herself with a spoon etc?
Or could you try and make meal times fun for her and use it as a bit of a game.
I know it can be really hard when they refuse food, my ds1 is 2 and we sometimes have days like this where he wont eat anything.
Until they are 12 months there main foods anyway should be milk, solids should be just getting her used to different tastes and textures.
Also try and make sure she's not tired etc when she's feeding as that can be a bit of a battle as well

Sounds to me like she wants to feed herself.

You need to take a step back and have a good objective look at the situation.

Why are you getting so frustrated at the situation?

Weaning at this age is about learning and exploring, not just about eating. View it the same way you would view introducing a new toy to her. Would you get frustrated if she didn't want to play with the toy? No. Would you shout if she threw the toy? No. Try to take the same attitude with food. Show it to her. If she wants to eat it, fine. If not, then just take it away, remove her from the situation, and do something else together.

Flinging finger food is all part of the learning process here too, if she's doing this and happy, just leave her to it, if she's flinging it in frustration then take it away.

Don't let mealtimes become a battle of ills between the two of you. If she sees she can get a reaction out of you by doing certain things, then she will keep doing them.

I'm sure you won't f*ck her up, but for your own sanity and hers try to chill out about the weaning. If she's hungry she'll eat. If not, don't force it on her.

Oh thanks for the replies she takes about 18-22oz formula a day (do not even start on the managed to bf for 12 week guilt!!).

We have tried one spoon/two spoon distraction combo, dipping bread in food and using that as spoon, cucumber as spoon, picnics on floor and singing every song i know.

She is little so table for high chair a bit high for her she can't get arms out over table yet.

Am trying to calm down about it but can't see wood for trees at moment. She is generally so good I hate myself for treating her like this.

I would just let her take it at her own pace, she'll do it when she's ready...and i know its hard, but try not to get wound up when she wont eat..that might be part of the problem as well. If she wont eat it from you just let her have the spoon and leave it in front of her, if she wants it she'll eat it, dont force it on her and dont get wound up by it.
If you make a bit issue of it and shout at her she'll just get upset and will refuse it even more, simply just take it away and let her do something else

How about you stop all solid food for a few days and go back to it afresh?

It is sooooo fustrating trying to spoon feed. dd2 is blw-ing, but I use a spoon for things like yoghurt. I hate it passionately though, almost to the extent that I considered just not feeding her yoghurt ever!

I find it far more relaxing for dd1 and I to eat our meal with dd2 standing holding onto my knees or the chair. Every so often I then offer her a handful. If she eats it, great, if she drops it I just wait til she looks at me expectantly again and then offer another piece.

So long as she is still drinking milk, food will come when she's ready.

The trick is not to try to get her to eat. She will eat if she's hungry or interested. If not just leave it. Don't let your emotions get in the way of mealtimes and food.

Do you have an Ikea near you? Go and buy the Antilop high chair and tray - about £12.99 for the lot. My dd is quite wee and this chair is great as the tray is low and she can mush her food around with ease.

If she is refusing food I sometimes just leave it on the tray then go and sit with my back to her as if I'm doing something else (with one ear open for choking sounds!). Nine times out of ten, when I turn round after about 10 seconds she is happily stuffing somthing into her mouth. It has made me realise that sometimes she needs to be left alone to get on with it.

Good luck!

All the advice is good, I WILL be calmer, I am just shit scared of doing something wrong

Hi I had to reply to you cause you sound so much like me 3 years ago! I hated feeding dd1 and loved work days so I wouldn't have to do it. She had me in tears at meal times every day and I think she eventually learnt that not eating and messing about with food really pushed my buttons.
She can still be a really poor eater if I allow myself to be sucked in to telling her off at the table. Now I find that if I just get on with my meal and chat about our day she will eat quite well.
dd2 on the other hand just turned 1 is a fantastic eater and I am sure this is due to the fact that there has never been any pressure on her to eat. She eats until she is full then she stops opening her mouth to be fed.
Really what I am trying to say is chill out and she will eat eventually. Good luck

thanks samsonthecat that helps

its never easy weaning a baby, i am right guessing that this is your first?

you are not a bad parent just a fustrated one as long as your baby is healthy and taking milk she will be fine. finger foods are great if you need a break just make her a cheese sarnie if she doesnt eat it dont stress just leave her be for a while and see if gets hungry, if not she will be fed at her next bottle time anyway.

also distractions help, try making funny noises or pulling funny faces while feeding her or give her a rattle to take her attention eleswhere. it worked for my dd1. dd2 is the opposite she would eat a house if it was offered to her. but even she started off slowly. thats because they all do.

remember that she is only just learning to eat, it is not essential that you get a full meal into her or even half a meal as she is still getting the najority of what she needs from her milk.

and remember you are not bad mother. every one has problems and no one gets every thing 100% right 100% of the time. not even half time probably.

micci25 it is my first we tried for years and had a missed miscarriage what i'm rambling about is we so wanted i child now i feel shit when i get cross with a 9 mo for gods sake whats wrong with me my family are not in uk and Dh isa star but must chilled man on planet and wonders why i get so stressed about things

yoyu get stressed because you want to do your absolute best for your child and there is nothing wrong with that.

what you dont realise is that you are doing your abolsoute best. you are trying to feed her good healthy nutritous food its just that she hasnt read the book that tells her all babies start eating proper food at x age and upto now milk has been her main source of nurishment, food is just something fun that she likes to try every now and again.

just keep at it and dont stress she will get the hang of it eventually and untill then take things in your stride and enjoy. i still pmsl whenever i think of dd1's first taste of carrots. you would have thought that some one was trying to murder her the way she screamed. she is now four and earlier today we went to the veg shop to get a few things and she decided that for dinner she would like sprouts and carrots.

and dd2 has just been pulling the funnist of faces after trying cherry tomatos for the first time. she is now decorating her high chair with the remains of them

bless her she still won't eat potatoes and you think being half irish she'd go for it am feeling more rational now and hopefully will be calm adult for dinner!

my dd (now 2.3) never liked potato when she was little- and she likes EVERYTHING.
When she was this age though, I struggled to get even and icecubes worth of food into her per meal! seriously- she was a milkaholic, and thats fine at that age- she eats us out of house and home now.

I used to get so upset and frustrated, I know how awful it is. You have spent precious time making the stuff in the first place, and they don't want to know.

I hadn't heard of BLW then, cos I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.

Don't focus on it as food- just as tasting. Only give her tiny amounts, but of varied stuff, so she can see what she's missing out on- she'll get there.
if she doesn't like spoons, don't stress- use toast fingers to dip or cucmber sticks, or steamed carrot sticks- kills 2 birds with 1 stone. Or -yes- just let her use her hands if she wants- time for manners and cutlery later when she has more control. I frequently used a clean finger for yoghurt etc. (until they get too many teeth )

Some children just don't eat much- Db was a child who could eat 3 peas, and say 'I'm full mummy' and not need any snacks etc the rest of the day.
Her milk will have all the essentials she needs, so you're not a bad mum at all- she's getting what she needs, this is just the bonus bits.

Get yourself a copy of this book and I guarantee you will relax instantly!

I used to react in exactly the same way with my children. Neither of them were ready for solids until they were over a year old. They would push the spoon away, gag etc.

The only solid food they liked was yoghurt which is just milk in another form. I did panic about the weaning thing. When dd1 was little health visitors were still telling parents to start weaning at 4 mo and for babies to be eating well by 6 mo. Then all of a sudden the advice changed over night to 6 months.

Anyway my children are healthy 7 and 4 year olds. They have learnt how to swallow. (One hv told me that if dd2 did not learn how to swallow solids by 9 mo, then the muscles in her mouth would not form and she would have a speech problem - total rubbish!)

dd2 was particularly stubborn and she started eating by taking food off my plate at a year old - she liked noodles with chilie and ginger. Home blending and pureeing was a total waste of time for me, but every baby is different. Best of luck.