4 year old wont sleep

[M231OTW]

So long story short, DC has been on the waiting list for diagnosis of Autism and or ADHD for almost 2 years (picked up by health visitor).

Sleep has always been an issue with DC taking hours to settle. We have the same routine every night but DC still takes hours to go to sleep.

Because we have no diagnosis as of yet, the professionals will not prescribe melatonin even on a trial basis so ive been left to get on with it.

I was advised by health care professionals to try DC with magnesium supplements after trying the pillow sprays, patches etc and nothing worked I decided to try magnesium gummies.

These have had the absolute opposite effect on DC with DC literally bouncing off the walls, its like a paradoxical reaction.

I have a strict routine with DC for after nursery it remains the same every day with bedtime at 8:00pm and DC will still be awake at 1am.

Has anyone been in this situation?
Have you tried anything that has worked?
Is there someone i can speak to, to get melatonin on a trial basis to see if it does make any difference?

Just at my wits end, working full time and surviving on very little sleep is finally taking its toll on me.

Just to add we are in Scotland as I know some rules and regulations may be different.

We have twins also turn 4 next week and also on list, however we have recently worked out a successful plan that's worked for 2 whole weeks, so nursery morning, home for lunch, a good hour walk or an hour at park, if weather isn't good we do colouring books or sticker books, then home for Lego time then they help in there own way making tea, baths where they can play up to an hour happily with toys in there, out of bath and jamas about 6:15-6:30 2 Weetabix each for supper and straight to bed with one cup of milk 6:50 read a book for 10 minutes and then lights off and there asleep by 7:15-7:30...
Before we got to this we were up anytime till 2am with them still bouncing about and then they were awake by 6am...after many many ideas and tries of routines this one finally has worked and we are also no longer up at 6am I have to now wake them for nursery around 8am. Best 2 weeks hubby and I have had for sleep

Could you get a private diagnosis to speed things up?

Hi. I can absolutely sympathise and understand the exhaustion and frustration.
For us, reducing the demand and pressure to go to sleep helps. So against all the advice (which is based on neurotypical brains), actually having less of a strict bedtime routine might help. Reduce the pressure on you all by watching a film in PJs (in bed even if an iPad or TV in bedroom), with the focus being on rest and quiet time, rather than sleep.
The pressure and stress can increase cortisol, worsening the symptoms in an ADHD brain, and generally just stopping sleep.
One of the doctors who assessed our child for autism and ADHD even told us that there’s some emerging research which suggests that blue light from screens etc doesn’t have the same negative effect on neurodivergent brains, so screens before bed isn’t a bad thing in all cases. Seeing our child fall asleep in front of a screen has been a mix of emotions- relief and happiness at seeing LO settled and sleeping, with guilt about being a crap parent using screens.
We did try some melatonin gummies which were available to buy off the shelf in Walmart when we visited the States, and they helped loads though. So frustrating that it’s such a battle for us here.

@NorthernLass2025 our routine isnt much different to be honest.

We are
7:30 am wake up
8:00 am breakfast
8:15 teeth brush
8:30 off to nursery where DC does 9-3
3pm pick up
3:30 home and some free play for 1 hour wether that be a park in good weather, garden play, block building, sand etc (some sensory play)
4:30 tea (dinner)
Then some "calmer" play until bath
6:00 bath time which can last from 30 mins to 1 hour depending on how DC behaves in the bath.
7:00 supper (toast, banana, oats)
7:30 in bed for a story
8pm lights out

Younger DC (2) is out like a light sometimes before the story ends but DC (4) then just jumps about the bedroom, up and down stairs, running around chaotic.

I could imagine how refreshed you and DH must feel lol

@Sunshineandrainbow not everywhere accepts a private diagnosis unfortunately.

@CountOurDollarsOnTheTrain we did try the no "routine" but things were pretty much the same. The routine has been requested from the nursery nurse who works along side us although by the time we were given the nursery nurse we had already established the routine that fitted into our lifestyle.

I agree with the screen times though as if DC comes home from nursery struggling to regulate the tablet and spinny chair are the only 2 things that calm DC down.

I empathise! 4 yo also on waitlist here. Phoned GP last week at my wits end as really affecting our entire family’s quality of life (the sleep deprivation) and GP suggested we try reading him a book at night (!!!!!). It was as if she thought we were putting him to bed with a packet of haribo and an iPad. She said no melatonin without a formal diagnosis so the wait continues

@clinellwipe its so frustrating isnt it. When we were first given a nursery nurse she was like I'd advise to try this and handed me a list and im like yeah all ready doing everything on that list.

I sometimes think DC behaviour throughout the day is down to lack of sleep so had asked to trial melatonin to see if it improved everything else but was point blank refused until diagnosis but your on the list for diagnosis for so long. My DC masks alot in nursery so apart from drop off and pick up times when we are present the nursery doesnt see the full effects although they have agreed there is traits, noone sees the full picture apart from those who are close to DC and spend the after nursery meltdown period with DC.

Its like banging your head against a brick wall sometimes. As an adult im struggling to function with the lack of sleep so god only knows how DC is managing.