I am a divorcee and got re-married. My 20 year old daughter came to live with us. I am on a teacher's salary and my hubby is also just an ordinary working guy, so while we're not poor, we are not well-off either. She was treated exactly the same in our house as my husband's son.
In her last year at school, 2 years ago, she showed no ambition whatsoever. I repeatedly asked her what she wanted to study, with no response. Her marks were not good enough to qualify for the degree she wanted, so she had to make another choice, but it just didn't happen. Eventually we paid for a non-degree course in drafting, which, recently, I found out I had "forced" her to study.
Then, still at school, she met a guy, just as she was finishing school, who was her date to the prom. Long story short, before she even got her final school results, she was sleeping with him and practically living with him. We'd not see her most nights and never on weekends. He was himself a student and his parents supported him and paid for his condo.
Today it's 2 years on, and I've been supporting her all along with for example a high-end cell phone on contract, free housing and food for the rare days she bothered to sleep at home, and medical insurance. This, in spite of her completing the post-school course and being able to get a job. Her excuse for not getting one, "her boyfriend didn't want her to get a job while he was still studying." (Is it just me, or is this quite controlling on his behalf?)
The boyfriend graduated recently and got a job. I then had a sit-down conversation with her and said I am no longer going to fund her choices, given that she's no longer under my roof and her boyfriend now has a job. From my point of view, she can get a job, she is effectively a housewife already and her boyfriend is working.
Major blow-up between us. I am apparently a "transactional" parent, who expected her to do chores if she wanted to get, say, new clothes. I should apparently have paid for a university degree, in spite of her school marks not being good enough. I then said to her I will still fund any degree, but then she has to stay under my roof and only see the boyfriend weekends, because she'd not shown a lot of self-discipline at school. This elicited another torrent of abuse from her. According to her, it's my job as a parent to carry on supporting her even when she can get a job, and even though she's living with her boyfriend who has a job. And my offer of paying for a degree - for which me and my hubby would have to borrow money - is apparently 2 years too late. (Well, no, she's only 20, not married and she has no job, so how's it too late?)
AITA here?