At a loss with 3 year olds tantrums - advice please

[Buttercupsanddais1es]

I need some advice on how to help my 3 year olds behaviour.

Generally he’s not that bad (he knows good from bad behaviour, he’s kind, polite etc), however he’ll have almighty tantrums, sometimes multiple times a day. When he gets into them, it’s near impossible to get him out of them.

i feel like it’s a bit hard to put the exact issue into words, but essentially we end up in a cycle of him shouting ‘no’ to everything (even the thing he wants)

even nursery are struggling to deal with it now.

The prevent a tantrum I’ve tried;

• offering a choice (eg, this top or that top / do this or that, when he says no to everything I say he has one last chance to choose then I’m choosing for him)
• giving him a heads up that something is going to happen (eg ‘in two minutes we’re going to brush your teeth’)

to diffuse a tantrum I’ve tried;

• consoling him (often rejected until he’s calmed down)
• ignoring him until he calms down (this is usually the best option, but not one that I think nursery could do as he is VERY disruptive when he gets into this mood..)
• distraction (rarely works)

could you please offer me all the tips so we don’t keep ending up in the endless tantrums 😩

Gin.

@Libertylawn 😂 if only that were acceptable at 7am

I had 3 under 2 at one point and all I can say is, whatever gets you through! 🤪

It does pass eventually. By the time they start full time reception it’s easier. Until then, they can be arses.

When my twins were 3, I had them both in a supermarket trolley and they got their little fists knotted into each others curls and were both screaming and trying to bite! The four year old threw a jar of jam and it shattered and then he slipped in it. Carnage. I was crying by this point and a Nanna type appeared and sorted out the jam situation and I separated the twins. She came back and hugged me and said “some days there’s nothing you can do.”

OP it’s not you, and you sound like you’re handling things valiantly. No one tells you how horrid they can be! And then suddenly they’re asleep and beautiful again! X

To add, one of the twins was capable of Olympic level tantrums and stamina, going at it for ages till I thought I’d lose my mind. I worried so much that he was in pain or damaged in some way. Then one day my Dad came over and said “and what have you been doing today?” And he laughed and said “screaming, grandad! Ha ha ha!” He was three. 😤

Thanks for the reassurance @Libertylawn , I don’t envy you having 3 under 2, 2 under 2 is bad enough 😂.

I’ll admit, as much as I can’t stand the tantrums, I was happy to just ride them out, but nursery have called us in for a special meeting to try and deal with them

We used to walk over DD when she had a tantrum. If she was in the lounge we would pick her up and move her to the hall..She didn’t have many.

So your 3 year old has a younger sibling to deal with? That’s hard for all concerned!

I wonder what nursery will have to say, and if they’ve noticed any particular triggers.

I haven't tried this so it might be absolute rubbish but there is an idea that If you film them having a tantrum and play it back to them it makes them so confused that they stop.

I came on MN to post about my DD (34 months) for doing exactly this. I feel lost as to what I can do - especially as it seems to have no trigger.

We have a fairly straightforward routine of playgroups etc but the tantrums start at home, only at home, with less structured time. Maybe I need to structure that too!

You’re not alone, we’re currently going through the exact same thing. He’s 4, the screaming and tantrums over the tiniest things is really stressful. We’ve also been called into special meetings at nursery as his behaviour is the same there too. They are putting in a referral which we’ve agreed to but at this point also considering taking him out of nursery to see if things improve ☹️ I’ve started reading the explosive child which does explain some behaviours but hoping it’s just a phase.

@mumboyof1 who are they referring him to?
my son behave the same at nursery & at home so we don’t plan on taking him out of nursery (not that we could anyway without me quitting my job..).
maybe I’ll give that book a read too, so if i find anything helpful in it

They’re referring him to a SEND specialist. Hoping to get some answers either way plus if he does require additional support it would help with him starting school next year. Perhaps ask the nursery if they feel that a referral would be beneficial