My DD is sad …

[sugarplopfairy]

I’m just looking for advice on how to deal with the sadness my DD 7 is currently feeling.

She is feeling extreme sadness atm and is becoming upset and crying during the school day. She doesn’t want to go into school and it is quite traumatic doing drop offs some mornings.

She says that there is nothing wrong; she has a good friendship group and enjoys a few extra curricular activities. She is always received into her group of friends at drop off or at parties.

We have a nice home life; it’s secure, my husband and I don’t argue or even really bicker that much. I work sporadically as I do a tiny amount of consultant work but probably only 10 days over 3 months and it’s always during the school day.

My DD expresses herself well and will draw a face on a post it note to show how she is feeling. She writes her worries on post it notes too, before talking with me and then throwing them in a bin. Both of these are strategies I picked up online. We have read so many books about separation anxiety or dealing with worries.

I'm just not sure where to go from here. She’s recently started an ELSA programme at school so I guess we have to see how this goes.

Can anyone suggest the next steps if there’s no improvement? Would it be a psychologist or a CBT therapist? I’m just not really sure where to go from here.

just to add: she has a good diet, gets 11 hours sleep a night usually (8-7), participates in various sports, and has a good friendship group. She is doing well at school although has lost her confidence amidst these worries. she doesn’t watch too much tv - a little bit at weekends. She draws a lot and writes little stories or listens to audio books.

Any advice will be gratefully received! Thank you

Can you afford private therapy it really helped mine though is expensive

I think ELSA is a good start. Let her have a few sessions and then ask for some feedback.

After that and depending on what they say, look into children’s psychotherapy.

I hope she will be ok.

@tiswafortunately, we can. What kind of therapist helped your daughter?

@HelpMeUnpickThisthank you for this. She has her second ELSA session this week so hopefully this will help.

I’ll have a look at Psychotherapists in our area just in case though I think.

Yes have a look at therapists in your area via the BACP website and then look at the reviews.

Unfortunately for that age group we didnt find that many local to us so we had to travel a bit further than we would normally have liked.

My DD was 8 and benefitted from art and play based therapy - there wasn’t as much talking. ELSA helped with talking and helping her manage emotions.

It is so hard when they are little. All the best.

Did it start at the beginning of new term? New teacher? Any other shifts or changes at home? Illnesses?

@ThrowAway987654321It started a few weeks in but she seems to love her new teacher. She’s in the same class so the students haven’t changed at all.

No changes at home apart from she is sad at the weekends sometimes (I think this is tiredness). She keeps saying she is sad as she doesn’t like leaving me and she isn’t enjoying her lessons.

She doesn’t say what it is about them that she isn’t enjoying. I’ve offered to sit down with her and go through the work at home if it’s tricky but she says it isn’t that.

she’s quite bright and I feel that she puts a lot of pressure on herself to get things right. We’ve talked about how mistakes help us to learn. I’ve bought her postcards to help remind her that it’s ok to make mistakes. Her teacher has spoken to her about how it’s fine to make mistakes and can be helpful.

I’m just at a loss with how to help her.

She has another ELSA session this week so I will see how this goes.

She didn’t cry today at school so that’s something. It’s just so hard being helpless and watching her feel like this.

Oh bless her. It does seem like a sudden onset separation anxiety. Have you been unwell at all? Or maybe it’s a simple as she spent lots of time with you over the summer?

You’re doing all the right things. Sending hugs.

I think this may be the other way round to what you think. I think it might be more about her losing confidence in the work at school, rather than that being a result of all her worries. It sounds like she feels like she finding the work harder than she should be and that it's important to her to feel she's doing well at school (irrespective of how the teacher thinks she's doing). If she's just started key stage 2 she might be feeling the step up and that things seem more serious work wise.

I wonder though if something has happened to knock her confidence. For a sensitive child a throwaway comment by an adult or child can really knock your confidence.

I'd be spending lots of time reading to her and listening to her read, doing any homework with her, practising times tables with her, getting her to write in fun ways and making sure she feels confident in the basics. Also lots of fun games that involve using money or have some educational aspect to them. Lots of praise for effort rather than achievement. Lots of fun and encouraging a love for learning and for her to hopefully get her confidence back and be happy going into school.

@ThrowAway987654321Thanks. We haven’t had any family illness at all - so nothing in this sense has changed. We have had a slightly better week so hopefully getting how she is feeling out is helping 🤞

@Lou802thsnsk for this. Thinking about it, I think you might be right. She’s so sensitive and she is a proper type A personality - we’ve worked really hard with her to try and help her understand that things don’t have to be done perfectly or that 11/12 on her spelling isn’t a bad result but it’s a great result!

I guess she’s navigating figuring out how to cope when she can and can’t do things perhaps.

she loved Yoto and we read books quite a lot. We’re going to do a few bits this weekend that she has asked to do. We haven’t also started going to a cafe to do HW on a Saturday so that it’s done and dusted at the beginning of the weekend.

Thanks to everyone for their input. 🙏🏻❤️