Difficult 10 month old? When do I have some freedom

[miamiamia869]

Anyone with 10 months old or similar how do you find it?.

Mine sometimes sleep okay but has only just started sleeping in later than 4.30 and is also up alot in the night too. I often go in up to 10 times a night for dummy. He gets soo tired and then refuses to nap. It seems alot of the day is fighting a nap and being so grumpy because of being tired.

He has never been a cuddly baby but he will not sit still for 10 seconds. He will scream and come to me to be picked up. I pick him up He throws his head bsck back arches and screams. I try to rock or play with him it continues so I put him down and repeat.

He will play with toys for a little and then get bored and grumpy.

I feel so trapped at the moment as going out He can just scream and make it very unpleasant. Sometimes his fine but most the time the battles continue.

He will NOT sell settle for a nap in cot just wants to climb and then scream because his tired.

I am exhausted with the constant battle and feel trapped to My house.

When does motherhood get easier in terms of they are a bit more independent and can enjoy things and don't fight sleep and naps so damn hard.

Do you mean he’s not napping at all? Or not doing enough naps? Mine was down to one nap at 10m so maybe you’re trying to do too many naps at the wrong times? Can you just try to do one nap around lunch time? Will he do a contact nap? I know it’s not ideal but it’ll give you an hour or two of sitting down at least to get some sort of break. Appreciate that maybe doesn’t work if you have other children to watch
but could someone else take them out at lunch just for a day or two to see if you can get 10m old napping and see if things improve

if he’s not napping at all that’s why he’s screaming so a lot of the other problems will probably go if you can fix that

overnight, can you put glow in the dark dummies in his cot and just put loads of them in there so he can find them himself in the night?

it sounds rough though op

Give up trying to make him cot nap. Some children like my DS (and me, to be honest) really struggle to just lie there and fall asleep. It seems like aggro but honestly it was so much easier when I buggy, car or sling napped him completely. I did that from about 11 months when I decided enough was enough and I wasn't going to tie myself in knots trying to get that cot nap. He was getting so overtired and overstimulated that he wouldn't sleep, then he'd wake at night, repeat every day. When he was actually getting decent naps, night sleep got so much better too. Sometimes I had to keep pushing the buggy, or just rolling to and fro whilst I sat on a park bench, or sometimes he was ok staying asleep when stationary. It became our routine to go on a long walk to a playgroup with a first nap en route, walk home, lunch, walk out again for second nap later. Usually for that one I came straight home once he was asleep and sat down myself. Car or sling sometimes depending on our activities. Like I said it seems like a lot of effort but it was worth it.

At first I hated having to be out to make him nap, then I realised it was worse to have the baby who absolutely must cot nap like some friends. At least I could buggy him then come home and leave him in hallway or garden. Unlucky friends whose babies refused to buggy or car nap were completely tied to rushing home and not having days out, or having a mess of an overtired baby all day.

My first DS was the same, taking him out in pushchair saved my sanity, sometimes we would go out 3 times a day.

@HiCandles yeah I let him sleep in the buggy in front of the telly to get a nap in. Anything as like you say it saves so much of thr grumpiness and better night sleep with decent naps. He just go through phases where he won't nap wherever he is. I csn try walks. To be honest the car does tend to get him off. We used to be out all the time enjoying it now I'm scared to go anywhere too far cause of the stress of him kicking off. I also tend to put housework first. I am terrible for it. Everything has to be pristine and organised to a "t" believe me I wish I wasn't like but I always have been. Next week I need to change up routine and try n get out driving som3whwe3 for his morning nap. We go on alot of walks as i have dogs and he is hit and miss sometimes good sometimes not. How old is yours now?.... when does the feeling of a bit of independence come back. I just want to not be fighting it all day every day its making me so sad and ragey x

I think you might have to decide, for this week at least, whether you’re going to put the housework first or whether you’re going to try and get him into more of a tou tube with his naps.

Once he does nap well, you might find that his mood improves a lot anyway.

Have you read the No Cry Nap Solution?

Also, this age is prime time for separation anxiety, so if you are cleaning up, have a small box of toys in each room and move him around with you so he’s never too far away.

I would honestly solve the night sleep first. We always did the Ferber method with our kids around 7-9 months and it got them sleeping through the night within about 3 nights. They became muuuuuuuch happier during the day and their naps then sorted themselves out.

@Prinysoup sometimes not at all. On a good day two naps morning and afternoon. I would prefer just one nap to be honest. He fights them all can take hours to get him off. He goes to bed at 7 every night pretty well. Exhausted by then. I have tried earlier and later no differance to him. But his wake up time cam be 4 5 6 or 7 so there's no routine for naps. And if he has a particulary restless one it's even worse as so tired. In regards to dummy I do that he still jus cries I'm his sleep untill I do it. If I let him cry in hopes he will find one he will wake right up and be awake for hours.

Are you on your own with him. You've not mentioned his Dad/partner. Its hard at this age. Make a drink and take something to read. Go for a drive and just park up. I used to do this when the weather was bad. Walks if nice. Try and relax... easier said than done I know
Once he's mobile things will get easier he will exhaust himself. Try and get some support from partner or family. Good luck

Are you on your own with him. You've not mentioned his Dad/partner. Its hard at this age. Make a drink and take something to read. Go for a drive and just park up. I used to do this when the weather was bad. Walks if nice. Try and relax... easier said than done I know
Once he's mobile things will get easier he will exhaust himself. Try and get some support from partner or family. Good luck

@DramaQueenlady no I'm married. Husband works 6 days and I'm at home on mat leave with him. He's very good with him and always does bath time with him helps where he can. Hats of to anyone who does this alone. Xx yeah thay night be something to try as sometimes just driving with the music on can be calming. Thank you xx thank you everyone for the advice and kind words x

When I went back to work. And I didn’t last ten months, nowhere near.

I think it just gets easier and easier as they age tbh OP. Definitely much better from around 18 months. My DC3 is 11 months and the worst sleeper of our 3 and we are totally broken from it tbh. The only upside is I don't really have the grumpy day crying tired issue with him as he genuinely just seems to need way less sleep so the daytime isn't too bad. But the nights are finishing me and DH off tbh with no end in sight. We are both up for hours every night with him.

sorry youre struggling with this. I know you said he screams when you go out, but do you think he might be bored at home? My 11 month old gets so bored at home. We do at least 1 activity a day, often 2 (playgroup, music group, swimming, soft play, playground). Yes she sometimes does cry or Moan but she does that at home. She mostly has buggy naps, sometimes contact naps. Shes also started nursery 2 days now Im working again and it’s been a big relief for me. Are you going back to work soon?

I see you mentioned cleaning, I honestly just have to do the bare minimum in the day (provide meals, clean up after meals, stack dishwasher) and catch up in the evening or at the weeken when hubby around. I don’t think you can expect a pristine home with a baby!

18 months plus is good. Steadier on their feet, can say a few words to make their needs known, more sophisticated play skills.

Set a morning wake up time and work off that, the variability in his wake up is probably not helping the naps. At this age mine was on one long nap mid morning and one short mid afternoon. Bed has never been 7 for us as he could never do 12hr night so it was often 8. I'd sack off cot naps and settle him to sleep in pram or on you then maybe try and transfer. Mine has never fallen to sleep by himself or with support in the cot for naps. But if they're fighting sleep so much even with support I'd try just not attempting a nap until they're basically falling asleep. Cap naps to 2hrs total max and aim for no more than 11hrs overnight, maybe less.

We did a lot of sling dog walks as pram was suitable. I loved getting out. Sleep improved for us when we dropped to one nap at 13m ish and his temperament was up and down with tantrums but at around 18m he could understand more so felt easier.

My first was very much like this. We had to have an activity on every morning or they were hopeless.

Nap before the activity and then obe after lunch. Bed by 7.

If you’re also struggling with early wake ups then the No Cry Sleep Solution has a section on that.

If they’re waking at 4 though, what happens of you give them a feed and pop them into bed with you?

Neither of mine did cot naps - it was sling or buggy. Better than being trapped at home.
Screw the housework, there's no point it being pristine when you'll have a toddler wrecking the place soon anyway.

In terms of 'easier', sleep got easier for us at maybe 3, though still very up and down. In terms of life difficulty/having breathing space I found from being mobile to about 3 the hardest, peaking at 18m ish, before and after this it was easier.

Though parenting in general I don't think gets easier with kids, it just changes, and a stage you find fine others will struggle with and vice versa.

Mine is 3.5 now. Napped until 3 in buggy or car, now just car, 50% of the time only. When does the independence come back, hmm I don't think we're there yet! I would say I did find it quite freeing when only one nap was needed (18m for us) because then you've got the whole morning or afternoon to go out. And likewise the non-nap days even more so, not having to plan in where and when he'll sleep. But then I had another baby so we were back to the beginning! I never bothered with cot naps at all for number two. Didn't fit with our activities of playgroup, parks etc, she just napped when and wherever she needed to with a little encouragement from me eg leaving for playgroup earlier than needed to get her to sleep on the way.

I get what you mean about stress of him kicking off but honestly it's going to happen whether you're home or out so you might as well be out having fun. And I always found mine were better out the house. And I am a nicer parent with good coffee on hand! Get out driving like you say. I always said I'd never be that parent who uses the car to get them to sleep but I am, because needs must. Though I do try to make sure it's a semi needed journey at least partly like a very slow journey to farm park and sit in the car park until they wake.

It all sounds natural to me. It is the beauty of motherhood, the early stages are hardest. Perhaps you could try a musical toy, a soft singing electronic radio for children.

@HiCandles thank you. This week I am going to focus on getting out to places and just going with the flow more and leaving the housework to pm if possible....

@Pryceosh1987 glad to hear this as I do look forward to the days when he can reallt communicate and play and walk around and run through the woods ect. Like you say motherhood.. I shall try to embrace xx

I was going to recommend this.
It's a game-changer.
Having a full night's sleep is wonderful.
It only took two nights and on the third, my baby slept through.