Worried about my 3yo - challenging behaviour

[ThrowawayName987]

At my wits end, and desperate for some advice or reassurance!

My youngest child is 3, nearly 4. He's pretty typical - chatty, cheeky, with a big imagination. Since the summer holidays, his behaviour has been pretty poor, but I put it down to his age and having his older sister home from school. It was still pretty typical playing-up - not listening, laughing when told off, winding up his sister, that kind of thing.

However, this last month he's steadily getting worse in his behaviour and he's also started having regular wee accidents (he's been out of nappies since spring 2024). The icing on the cake has been getting rid of his dummy at bedtime a fortnight ago, something he wanted to do. We are now having huge battles to get him to sleep, he's wet the bed three nights in a row (only ever happened when he was ill) and he's generally just not himself.

Is this a storm we need to ride out, or should I be concerned? I feel so out of my depth and I have no idea how to parent him - he's completely unbothered by consequences, and I have to admit that I find myself losing my temper and shouting more often than I ever imagined I would. He just laughs though, it's like water off a duck's back.

Have I really messed up somewhere? Feel like a terrible mum 😞

I’m sure that you are doing your best and have come to ask for help and support. It sounds like he is pushing your buttons at the moment and you are reacting negatively. If he’s laughing when you shout and he’s not used to seeing you like that it could be nerves or reaction to seeing your facial expression when cross as he’s not used to it.

Can you pinpoint any triggers or major changes other than the summer holidays and his sister back at school? Any reason why you are more stressed?

Sounds like he’s anxious at bedtime without his dummy. There are books such as The Last Noo Noo about giving up dummies.
Could he have a new bedtime cuddle toy maybe with a sensory element or something he can stroke or chew if needed? New night light or calming music?

I’d look at some positive rewards with stars or tokens and set some goals together e.g. 3 calm bedtimes for a small toy/ comic etc
Look at ways to make bedtime fun or give him more control e.g.choice of pjs story etc. Use a challenge approach “ I bet you can’t get your PJs on by the time I’ve put these towels away!” Try fun themed timers for tidying/ getting ready.
Use planned ignoring and stay calm/ don’t react to any deliberate negative behaviours whilst giving lots of praise and rewards for cooperation following the rules etc.
Try to have a reset. Might be worth checking that he doesn’t have a water infection but could just be anxiety/ behavioural.

quite a lot of regression going on there.

personally I would go back to a bedtime nappy and also a bed time dummy and start again. No point trying to fight him on this. Hes not ready. Or he was and now he isn’t.

anything else happened? Things with you and your partner? Anything that could have triggered this? It’s quite worrying.

take the pressure off and go back to basics. Lots of love and lots of safe loving routine and voundaries.

I think you may need to change your approach. He is a young child you may have to bear it for the moment. I wet the bed at 6 years old, not often but i did it. Just think of the end goal of what you assistance and patience will achieve in time.