LAZY BOYFRIEND AND FATHER TO OUR CHILDREN

[Emmy1234]

I have had enough! I need your advice on what to do. So I have been with my current partner coming up to 9 years! I work a full time job and he does aswell! But im the one who does the school runs and has to sort all the childcare, for when to put him in afterschool club! He has been in school a month now and not once picked him up, (because he doesn't have time) yet I have to work my jobs around school hours and afterschool club, so once ive picked up my child from afterschool club around 4-5 clock then I have to make everyone dinner and get the kids bathed, and the washing and cleaning done! And yet he goes to work and then goes to the gym and comes home and eats his dinner and goes on the PlayStation once my sons in bed! Hes cooked about 6 times the whole time ive been with him! He always makes excuses not to be with our son, and weekends I take the kids out, im thinking about staying at my mum and dads and leaving him with the kids, to let him finally relise what I do for him and in the house! Ive told him he needs to help me out around the house more, I dread coming home every day because I know its all rush rush! And I need him there to help me with all these things! Ive told him this so many times! And yet he still does sod all! If someone told me I don't spend enough time with my son, I would make sure id be going out My way to spend time with him! Do you think going to my mum and dads is a good idea? Also when my little boy was born I was getting around 2 hours a night sleep, he was the baby from he'll, had no help whatsoever and yet he'd ask me why I was so tired and moody! He think I go in a mood because he goes to the gym, but I told him, im in a mood because of the times you go to the gym! When you could be helping me out at home and the kids! He can go in the morning before work! Or even when little boy is in bed! Ive just seriously had enough

Op have you told him all this? Do you ever go away so he sees all you have to do?

Ive never gone away, ive told him numerous times, he said he never has time to cook, but he doesnt work weekends.. i take the kids out on the weekends and cook when I come home, if he knows theres no milk or butter or anything like that, its me who has to go out and buy it also,, I think I do need to stay at my mum and dads, cant think of what else to do 🤔

Personally I'd let him do his own washing and cooking. Just do you and the children.
Where does he play his Playstation? I'd not clean that room on principle either.

Was he like this before you had children? If so, why did you have children with him?

Have you got this op? Your shitty partner who is also a shitty parent is down to you. Not a grown adult. No. Clearly it is your fault because you are not a seer.

Of course you’ve had enough. If you both work the same hours, what posssibly can his reason be for not doing 50/50 of the childcare and housework?

You keep saying what you “have” to do.
You don’t.
Say no.
Leaving for a weekend won’t change him. He will just do the absolute minimum until you return.
List jobs. Divide them between you.
Oh and it’s not “helping”. He’s an adult. He has responsibilities.

Time for a month at your parents, leave the kids with him. Enjoy a break. Men do this because they can and are covered for.

Why do you cook for him? Just stop. Don’t do his laundry either.

I think it’s a legitimate question to ask if he was like this before kids? You say he has only cooked 6 times since you’ve been with him so that should have been a clue that he was lazy. Were the kids planned and did he want them? If not do you think he thinks that they are your responsibility? Does he earn a lot more than you? I know it shouldn’t but sometimes I think some people (men) feel that gives them the right to be lazy at home.

I couldn’t live with someone like that. It’s so disrespectful and shows he doesn’t care about you or the children.

We never lived together before we had kids.. we moved in together when my little boy was born, he lived at his mums house before that, and we saved up to buy a house

Yeah hes on on alot more then me, maybe thats why he thinks its okay! But ive told him its like being a single parent, we didnt live together before my little boy was born he was living at his mums house, I was renting and he used to stay a couple of nights a week, so it was always me cooking because it was my place, didnt relise when we moved it would be me cooking all the time

It's not "helping you" it's his family too. It's his dinner too, his mess too.
Don't go to your mum's your a weekend. Leave. Or tell him to get lost. You need a man, not another child.

I love this 🥰

Yes stop cooking his meals. When you take the children out, eat out ( or take sandwiches.)
Stop doing his washing, just leave it. Quite frankly he is lazy.

I want to sympathise but you chose to have children with this useless dipstick and you continue to pick up his socks and cook for him.

I’m afraid he’s going to have no incentive to get his arse off his PlayStation (bless him) whilst his mummy flogs herself working f/t as well as managing the house and the child care. Poor role modelling for the children too.

Wake up op. wtf are you doing putting up with this??

This has got to be the most repetitive yet also most useless and unhelpful comment I see on MN.

Berating the OP for her choice in men is cruel and pointless. It's victim blaming and just kicking her when she is desperate and unhappy.

Why would you do this?

To feel better by looking down on someone else?

Stop it and find your compassion.

I think the problems need to be addressed with a counselor. You and your boyfriend need to sit with someone and express the views to each other safely.

What a lovely message, I love this! I didnt live with him before I had my little boy he lived with his mum, which im assuming this is why the way he is, ive never postèd on mumsnet before , and just wanted general advice off people xx

I have spoke to him about it on numerous occasions, he will never listen or take it on board, do you reckon he'd listen to a counsellor? Counselling has crossed my mind, its convincing him to go through with it, isn't it 🤔

Get rid of this fucking idiot. Do nothing for him.

It doesnt matter hiw many conversations you have. He doesnt think it is his role to do anything, so he wont do it. Dont waste more time on him.