3 year old son: short attention span and sensitivity

[Daisy3011]

Hi all,

I was just wondering whether there were any parents out there who have been or are in a similar situation.

My son turns 4 at the end of January. He just started nursery recently, and up until now he’s only been with me. I have been pulled aside and informed that he’s emotionally behind the majority of the kids in class and has a short attention span.

She told me to help him by doing activities at home particularly one which helps autistic kids and their concentration; the bucket. Upon hearing this I asked whether she thought I should get him evaluated and she said not at this point.

I’m constantly looking at threads of this nature, I guess for comfort, as I don’t know whether this is neurotypical behaviour or something he needs help with.

He understands, and you can have a conversation with him but it will be limited. He can’t express himself, again, I don’t know if this is normal 3 year old behaviour (he’s my first and I’ve never grown up around kids). The only red flags I would say is the attention span and the fact he gets upset when he gets told off or when he wants to take a toy home.

I was under the impression these are normal 3 year old behaviours but I’m starting to doubt myself since it’s been flagged. It’s also worth noting his tantrums do not last long, and I can help him calm down relatively quickly.

Thank you for reading

what has been your typical routine at home regarding reading and communicating with him?

nothing sounds out of the ordinary just that he doesn’t have much experience with concentrating. Or having to use his words.

stop helping him to finish sentences or anticipating what he wants. Let him communicate his needs, talk to him constantly and read constantly to him.

start doing longer form tasks and play activities. Start giving him small tasks that have two steps rather than one.

It’s good that he understands what you’re saying to him. When you say that can’t express himself, how does he do on this simple progress checker?

Thank you very much for your post.

I try talk to him as much as possible, and always ask him questions trying to get more of a dialogue going.

Everytime I pick him up from school this is usually how our conversations go, I’ll ask him how his day was and he always says “good”. I ask him what did he do and he’ll reply back with “play”, I then go onto ask him what did he play with and sometimes he’ll tell me, again it might be a one word answer or he won’t answer at all.

I do read almost daily, but definitely need to update our books as we’ve read them loads of times and I’m sure he’s bored of them now.

You do make a good point regarding his experience with concentration, as a lot of the kids he goes to school with have been attending nursery since a very young age so perhaps he just needs some time.

I’ll try to get him to sit down and trace or colour in and he just won’t do it, he’d rather run around and play or play with play doh and kinetic sand if it’s a sitting down activity.

He is a good communicator, if he’s upset about something he can tell me exactly why he’s upset but what I would like from him is to be able to express himself more in general conversation because like I have mentioned previously it is quite limited at this stage.

Ill take your advice on board - thank you again

Most DC won’t tell you what they’ve been doing in the day when they first come out, that’s perfectly normal. Mine used to tell me more when they were in the bath, but that was probably when they were older.

If you need his books updating, I’d try the library. Mine used to love going and choosing their new booksfor the week.

Did you manage to fill in the progress checker I linked to?

Thanks Bunny for the tracker, I’ve just answered the questions and it says that things seem to be on track regarding sons development.

Honestly there are days where I’m completely fine and then other days where I’m frantically panicking over him..

😓

My nearly 7 year old still frequently says I can't remember or I don't know when I ask him what he's been doing that day at school!
I've found asking what was a fun thing you did today gets better results

I will try that tomorrow, thank you :-)

Just wanted to add that he might find a toy like these nesting fruits helpful too. They will help him recognise emotions.

Thank you Bunny, will definitely get him that. Great suggestion!

i’ve worked in nurseries for over 6 years, 4 years in preschool (3+). Perfectly normal, particularly for boys, to not be too interested in colouring in or tracing. Perfectly normal for them to prefer running around and being outdoors.

Attention span doesn’t just refer to sit down activities - how long does he generally spend at one activity when he’s outside? Does he flit from one thing to another or will he spend a few minutes running, a few minutes in the sand, a few minutes on a bike - etc. If you’re worried about attention span get him doing activities that interest him & increase the time you want him to do them. Set up an obstacle course outside and add an extra component each time. Use chalk to draw a longer & longer track for his bike. Link what you want him to do (e.g school readiness activities like fine motor activities like the tracing you talked about) to his interests. If he likes paw patrol take him outside with some chalk or a water and a paintbrush and get him drawing a road for Marshall’s fire engine - etc.

“The bucket” is yes under the attention autism toolbox, but it’s because children with autism can have attention spans significantly younger than their age, I’ve done attention autism with 14 year olds and the same activity with a slightly attention span “behind” 3 year old. All the 3 year olds LOVED it when I did it as a class. It doesn’t mean he has autism it’s just an activity that’s good for those with short attention spans - which can be entirely developmentally appropriate for a 3 year old.

Boys are very very drawn to running and being very active at this point - give him plenty of opportunity to do this! It’s entirely normal and there’s no need to forcibly hem him into doing developmentally inappropriate, often “boring” activities like colouring or work books. Let him practice the school readiness skills in ways he finds interesting! 3 is very young, he’ll get there!

I will say if you’re worried about speech that’s an important one to talk about with his key worker as wait lists for speech therapists can be quite long :)

You're doing great - the fact that you worry shows you’re thinking about how you can help him.

I was similar. Instead of saying “what did you have for lunch” i might say did you have mud sandwiches for lunch and often they would laugh, then tell me what they had eaten.

Also wanted to add that my DS had no interest in using a pen or pencil at all at that age. Like @outfitrepetasuggests, we did a lot of activities that he did enjoy.

Not being interested in mark making doesn’t seem to have held him back, he’s in his third year at Uni

Try to get him to read more books. This may help with his attention span issues.