22 month old just won’t sleep.

[Avie29]

Hey, im not really looking for advice as i know what needs to be done, i guess mostly looking for words of encouragement or positive outcomes from others in the same boat.
my 22 month old hasn’t slept more than 2.5 hours (sometimes less) at a time ever ! She is ebf so night times fall on me, she feeds to sleep- yes i know this is the issue i need to fix, im just so tired that i don’t have the energy to sit with her crying for hours in the middle of the night, plus she shares a room with her older sister so i try to settle her back to sleep asap so not to wake her sister.
She has a good routine, bath, book and bed by 7/7:30 and falls to sleep easily, but I can’t go to bed with her as i have other things to get sorted in the evening with older children- her older siblings don’t go to bed till 9 and then i go up to bed about 15/20 mins after, generally by time i settle down get comfortable she wakes up- so i go in feed her and go back to bed this generally takes me to 11ish, she is then up at 1, i go in and tend to dose in her bed till next feed at 3 then go back to my bed she then wakes again at 4/5 so again i dose in her bed till my alarm goes off at 6 so im maybe getting 3 hours in my own bed and that is broken, im just at a point where i know what i need to do but don’t have the energy, i would really just like to sleep for longer than 2 hours after nearly 2 years 😭 anyone else in the same boat? Have a good outcomes? I know its probably not going to be as bad/long as i think it is but ugh im just too tired.
Because i know this will be asked—she naps ok in the day, and i don’t let her nap past 3 so some days she doesn’t nap at all as its gone 3 by the time she is wanting to nap, generally on the weekends as she sleeps in a bit later (7/7:30 instead of 6:30)
and yes i know i have older children and have gone through the self soothing phase before they were bottle fed and/or had dummies to help them soothe without me lol xx

Hats off to you because I would be dead from sleep deprivation in your situation!

Your issue I think is the need for feeding. How many daytime, non-milk calories is she getting?

She absolutely doesn’t need to be fed overnight now, and is doing it for comfort. Could you possibly go away for a couple of nights to break the habit?

Or just have a few nights where it will be horrendous, but you just offer cuddles and water when she wakes.

She eats really well, toast for breakfast generally will eat half a piece and some sort of fruit (half an orange/grapes etc) she has tea in her cup (decafe and no sugar- great granny let her have some and shes loved it ever since 3/4 of the cup is just cows milk)
she will then have a snack before a nap (weekdays this is 11/12-2ish)
she then has lunch this could be anything from half sandwich to cooked lunch like scrambled eggs/half a small jacket potato with some picky bits- fruit/cucumber sticks/wotsits/chicken pieces etc- she doesn’t eat all of it generally i just like her to have lots of little bits to try.
Because her lunch is generally later during the weekdays she doesn’t have an afternoon snack dinner is at 5- like almost on the dot everyday, she will then have some cows milk and/or a small snack at about 6:30 before her bath, - she only has a breastfeed in the day if she is napping, there is no possibility of me getting away for a few nights, she screams if i leave the house without her, plus i have 4 older children- 2 are autistic.
i know that is what i need to do -suffer a few horrible nights, but gosh it seems like such a daunting task at the moment 🤦🏻‍♀️ xx

I know it's different as you are BF, but I give my 16 month old dinner later (6-6.30pm) and then cows milk at 7.30pm to be sure there are no hunger wakes (LO doesn't finish their bedtime milk if they've eaten lots for dinner). I wonder if at least one wake up IS hunger? But by no means all of them.

My nearly 18 month old is also breastfed and eats really well, but no matter what I do she wakes twice at night looking to be fed. So also almost 2 years of no sleep 😴 I know how you feel, it's really hard. I think the only solution is probably to hold my ground and not feed her for a few nights but there will definitely be lots of crying which will wake up my 5 year old. I am thinking of doing it soon so I will let you know how it goes....sending solidarity!

Both my children were like that except the oldest wasn’t bf.

For my youngest what worked was getting DH to sleep in bed with her over night. I also told her that if she woke me again to feed over night then I would stop breast feeding.

My oldest (ASD) isn’t sleeping again.

Good luck 🤞, i will have to bite the bullet soon too i think, i think it would be best to try it on a weekend as she doesn’t generally nap and is really tired come bedtime so hopefully a cup of milk will put her to sleep, but i half heartedly tried this last weekend and she didn’t even seem sleepy until i put her on the breast 🤷🏻‍♀️ will have to give it another go xx

i can’t really do dinner/bedtime any later, i do dinner, do dishes, clean up kitchen etc and by that time its pushing 6:30 -bath for 21 month old and book and bed and thats about 7-7:30, my ds10 needs help in the bath(he is autistic and has cognitive delay) and he goes to bed at 8, and then its swap laundry over to dryer, pick up toys/tidy the living room and then send other 3 off to bed at 9 then i have a quiet cup of tea to myself before going to bed myself xx

My two girls were exactly like your little one. What worked for me was bringing them into my room to night wean, especially the younger one who shared a room at the time. I told my husband he had to move out of our room until I had weaned and started with the “easiest” feed the first wake as I was usually not quite asleep myself for this one, after a few nights of her getting used to this we moved onto the last feed of the night after a few nights of that we went onto the middle ones bit by then she had cracked falling to sleep on her own so I wasn’t up for hours and hours (from what i remember).
I have heard of people sending their husband in but I am too much of a control freak for that and would hate hearing my baby cry for me and not being there but it’s definitely a good option too if you think you might crack with not feeding to sleep.
Good luck, it’s really hard but hopefully you will get more sleep once she is weaned.

OH wouldn’t fit in her bed 😂 plus she is going through a i don’t like daddy phase- he will literally be there arms open saying daddy will give you cuddles and she will walk past him and try to scramble up my legs rather than give him a cuddle 🤦🏻‍♀️ wasn’t that long ago daddy was her favourite- plus he has cerebral palsy so with the bed rails he would probably have a very hard time getting in and out her bed- but would give me a good giggle watching him try though 🤔 lol xx

Thank you i will give this a try, although ive only just got her into her own bed a few months ago and would feel like im going backwards but if it means she will eventually start sleeping maybe a 2 steps forward one step back approach is needed xx
edited: same with the control freak, i can’t sit and listen to her cry and feel like im doing nothing lol xx

My youngest is 26 months now and won’t sleep in my bed anymore. Around once a week she wakes up screaming and wants cuddling and I have to squeeze into her bed as she won’t come into mine. I think we just went with starting the night in her own room and going from there. It’s really hard but you will find what works for you.

Yea i think i will start her in her own bed and then bring her into my bed in the night so she doesn’t wake big sister xx