The bed-time routine

[Tigermoth]

Everyone seems to have some sort of bed time rountine for their babies and children. Supper, bath, game, book, homework, chat, bottle, or elements thereof.

As a working mother, this time is very important to me. It's my main point of contact with my sons during the week, and I usually do the whole rountine by myself, in agreement with my husband who has other time with our sons.

Mostly I love it,it can be a real winding down time for us all. I do what I can to make it special: surprise cream cakes, a new book to read from the library, a joke to tell my oldest son.

Sometimes though it's really exhausting. Arriving home at 6.30 and having to do two suppers, two baths, (sometimes shared but still feel like double the work) etc by 8.30. I have to rush them through this necessary and very set agenda and yet I want them to enjoy the time they have with me. I also try and make sure I have time with each son alone. Weekends we relax everything and it's great, but I sometimes end up so frazzled and exhausted on week-day evenings.

I suppose I have this love/hate feeling towards the whole bed-time thing. Has anyone got any practical tips or philosophical comments etc?

See those 5 days as a hill you've got to climb to get to your much wanted weekend. Monday, you've started out, you don't know what's at the top of the hill or on the otherside, so its exciting. Tuesday you're a little bit closer to the top and finding out what's ahead. Wednesday you're on the top - the hard bit's done, the rest of week lays before you ready to run down the slope shouting `Weeeee'! Thursday, you've got the finish post in your sights and then comes Fantastic Friday, relax, pizza in the oven, no problem if you overrun on that special game or book.

Then 2 great days with your beloved family before there is another hill to climb with things ahead you can't yet see.

Enjoy the hills you have to climb with your children because before long they will have their own hills to climb.

Unreal Monday: Don't know what's at the top of that hill. Don't care. Still relaxed after the weekend and in denial.

Sleepy Tuesday: Finding out what's ahead. So have a very early night (my practical tip) in preparation for...

Hard Wednesday: At the top of that hill, and the air's a bit thin. It's only when sons are asleep, that the downhill view reveals itself. Up to then, stress.

Unhinged Thursday: The finish post looms in sight. Routine begins to go haywire apart from oldest son's spelling homework.

Slack Friday: Emmam, yes, it's pizza time and falling asleep on the sofa.

Well, I tried to give a philosophical comment, but I guess it just came out a bit twee and sickly!

Yours is much better.

I think I might plan my week around telly - Never Mind the Buzzcocks on Monday and Room 101, a good laugh is what you need on a Monday, I've got to confess a liking to Holby City on Tuesdays, Sex and the City on Wednesdays, ER on Thursdays (for E4 viewers!) and then loads of the Simpsons and Buffy on Friday.

So there you go - my routine means getting my boy to bed before 8 o'clock so I can veg out in front of the goggle box!

Emmam, there's no more sex in the city this week! But that's good really, cos like all the interesting programmes (the ones you've mentioned!) they are on after 9pm. And every morning when I wake up knackered, I think I MUST get an early night. But TV kinda draws you in doesn't it, and before you know it its 11pm and your child wonder is going to wake you up at 6.30am whatever!!!
I need an early night now, cos I want another baby! But its not happening - help!!!!!

You lucky, lucky person!! I dream of being able to watch what I like on TV every single night of the week. My husband is addicted to trashy action films on Channel 5, police dramas and doucmentaries. A 'lively' discussion ensues if I dare to mention Ally McBeal, etc. so I usually give up and read the paper.

Sometimes wonder why I try to get my sons to bed at a respectable hour in the first place. After all the routine stuff is done, and I'm saying goodnight to the eldest, I have the most lovely, funny conversations with him about his day.

PS Emmam, I liked your philosophical comment. I was just trying to add to it.

Lil, you need to invest in an ovulation predictor kit - a snip at £20!

Bells, the problem is that i'm too tired at 11pm to try!Is there a pill for that?

Lil, you've either got to stop watching telly so late or give up on the thought of another baby! Either that or move the telly in the bedroom where you can still see it and still have sex! How long do commercial breaks last for...?!

Who said passion was dead?!

Mind you, now there's no Sex and the City on Wednesday night that could be your early night sorted.

Tigermoth - I like the bedtime conversations too, although our son can only put two words together at the moment! But he can still be funny, he likes to shout bye bye night night', or even better morning mummy'. That's when he's not sitting there grinning at me pulling his blanket over his head. Aaaah, makes me feel all warm about tonight's bedtime routine.

Aha - I see what you mean! Can't help you there. We tried for 12 months and it was a bloody pain I can tell you.

Bells, I understand now why everyone tells me that the second baby takes longer to conceive than the first! I wonder what remedies are available to counteract the loss of libido that babies cause!(or has that been covered on this site somewhere?)

Libido, what's that then? Where does it go to? Does it come back? I am going to be very honest here and say that since our little boy was born, I have sex with my husband to be nice rather than because I really feel like it. (Tom & Duncan, cover your eyes please). Every month I keep hoping that by some amazing miracle I am going to feel "in the mood" and I never do. Sometimes I am so not in the mood & detached when we do it that I have to try really hard not to laugh. Somehow, another person's amorousness seems funny when you are stonecold not amorous. Any top tips?

Yes Bugsy I would like to know where it goes too, anyone else got this problem and any solutions/ideas??!!

Bugsy, don't you think this side of parenthood is almost the last taboo to mention! Isn't the lack of libido why men have affairs. And isn't this lack of libido why the wives don't mind if they do?
I just had a reread of the board 'marital relations after kids' and it looks like we should take our hubbies on holiday to reignite that spark. How on Earth can relationships last a further 40 years down the line?

By the way - just to set the record here - I don't have sex twice a week. This is supposed to be the average - probably taken from people who don't have kids!

I agree this is a taboo subject. For us (ie hubby and me we both seem to fortunately have the same libido just now (very low). I think it helps as he is older than me. We do find that things improve a lot when we are holiday. Just getting out of the general routine and having more time.

What do you think Tom and Duncan?

Eulalia, my husband is older than me too, but has the libido of a rabbit!!!

Jac - well lucky you! Or not so lucky depending on your mood!

Oh good. I thought it was just me. I think I need a manual to remind me.Masturbation is the other taboo subject. Can't remember much about that either.
What bothers me is that most of the time it doesnt bother me. If you see what I mean!

I want another baby so I'd better sort this out pronto. Might have a chat with next doors rabbit, see if he's got any tips.

We have been married for almost 20 years, have four children 4-15 years so believe me, we know all about mismatched and low libidos, brought about by the arrival of babies!! The key for us has been to get away each year for a couple of days without our children, and rediscover why it all began. Lucky for us that we still find the spark there, and that little escape brings us so close again, and gives us hope for the future. (We aim to be really wicked after they all leave home!) Be careful though, no.4 was conceived on our second honeymoon - talk about coming home with more than a souvenir tee-shirt!

ha ha Mooma, we are suffering with the "can't be bothered" at the mo, in fact I don't know how no3 got conceived. We are trying to accept it as a stage in our lives where we are just too knackered. I guess I'm lucky I have a husband who isn't too bothered either, we figure we still laugh together and that's more important at the moment! It is sometimes more like being mates rather than a couple though! If I get half an hour in bed ripping my clothes off and leaping around acrobatically is the last thing on my mind, but some people seem to be constantly at it and it makes me feel like a freak! Zzzzzzzzzzzz

With regards to sex - I dream about it (a lot) but I think it's fair to say that I spend more time farting thatn fornicating these days! What a terrible admission ...However, someone talked about 'laughter'. Now, that's the key. With four kids from 3-14, 'sex' happens when it happens but it's not everything. We don't swing from chandeliers anymore (!) but we fart a lot!

Oh good, glad its not just me! The fact that several of you have more than one child bodes well for the future. I wonder whether it is a hormonal thing or whether it is psychological (the lack of libido that is, not the fact that people have more than one child)?
No Lil, I don't think lack of female libido is why men have affairs. I think the reasons men have affairs are usually alot more complex. If it was just sex they were after there are lots more easy ways of getting it than having an affair.

thank you all for cheering me up - I'm not sure whether I should post this on the happy thoughts board!! and I thought it was just me - libido is a thing you leave at the maternity ward door on the first visit along with your knickers and the proof that you once were a virgin.Farting is a thing you seem to take up professionally when you have your first baby and the skill never seems to leave(although probably not polite to mention). But getting older has its compensations - you know what you like - and you're not leaving until you get it (is this libido or selfishness?)