Naptime nightmare Help!!

[Epicnaptimefailure]

I am seriously struggling with my 7month olds daytime naps.

A little backstory-

My baby arrived early and after a traumatic birth was in the NICU, he required surgery at 20 hours old and spent days in an incubator and was not allowed to be held for the most part of a week after his birth. Having missed the opportunity for skin on skin after his birth I revelled in it and did it asmuch as possible in the first few months after coming home. He was always fairly good at being put in his cot for night time sleeps but became a contact napper during the day.

Suffering some trauma from our experiences I developed PTSD and would relive/have nightmares whenever I slept leaving me a sleep deprived wreck so I was advised to tco sleep with him during his daytime naps so I could try and get more sleep. This was great as I could grab that extra bit of rest and he would happily sleep cuddled next to me. However this had led him to only nap cosleeping or in contact with me during the day. At night he's great he feeds falls asleep in a cuddle and I can get him in to bed where he'll sleep 10 hrs. If he wakes i can soothe him by stroking him in his cot or sometimes quite rarely now give him a night feed and pop him back in the cot no problem.

Daytimes are becoming a bit of a nightmare now Im recovered and would love to have some time to have a shower, put on some washing or the dishwasher etc but anytime I move or put him down in the cot he wakes and screams until I pick him up. Even if hes asleep next to me he wakes between sleep cycles and reaches for me/looks for me before he'll go back to sleep.if I get him in the cot he'll wake and scream bloody murder. Sometimes I can get him back asleep next to me but more often than not he decides its playtime and naps ruined. He'll then sleep again late afternoon on me and bedtime gets later eating in to any time I can get anything done or spend time with the hubby and eat dinner.

What makes it worse is this is my bread and butter. I have 21 yrs experience in Childcare, 14 years as a private nanny and am now the deputy manager of a London nursery. Ive never had such difficulties as I do with my own son. He needs to be with me at all times. Probably my fault for having such separation anxiety from him when he was tiny due to the trauma of nearly loosing him twice.

Ive tried white noise. Music. Heartbeat sounds and cot soothers when I can get him in the cot but give it a few minuites and he knows I've put him down and he's awake. He currently has about an hours nap in the morning and I aim for 2/3 hours in the afternoon but it means me laying in bed awake for hours each day while he sleeps. He wont even sleep for long in the buggy. Maybe 40 mins if i dont stop walking. It has to stop as he'll be in nursery in 4 months and I need him to nap without me I have horrible visions of my lunchbreak spent laying in the baby room cuddling him so he gets atleast few mins nap 😂😂

Please anyone with a bit of napping expertise help a frustrated mother out with your tips!

Hi OP. I’m so sorry to hear you and your baby had such a traumatic start! I can’t imagine how awful that must have been. It sounds like you are both doing amazingly now!

I think you need to stop blaming yourself for any “failings” with his naps. You’ve done nothing wrong in doing what you have both needed! And it’s also now fine to try and change things if they’re not working for you. Having loads of experience in childcare must be so helpful - but it’s very different when looking after your own child.

If you can, I’d try and ignore what you feel you should be doing and just try and do whatever works right now. With my eldest, I agonised over naps and sleep and doing what all the books said. It made me (and, I think, him) miserable. So now I ignore all of that. My third baby is currently six months old and has pretty much all of his naps in a sling. Parenting manuals would never condone it but we love it - he sleeps for ages and I get to look after the big two. I shower and cook whilst he’s awake.

Try not to panic about when he starts nursery. I think children are totally different with their own parents! My non-napping eldest and my contact-napping middle child have both napped totally independently at nursery, which I never thought would happen.

2-3 hour nap in the afternoon? Your expectations are a bit unrealistic maybe?

My son at that age didn't need that much day time sleep.

There isn't much you can do without sleep training. But if he is sleeping well at night, I'd take the win. Vast majority don't sleep that much at night.

Don't worry about nursery. Babies tend to behave differently with different people.