I’m a solo parent to a 7 year old child who is neurodiverse. I love him more than anything in the world but I feel like I am failing at every turn. The meltdowns, the anger, the struggling at school, the inability to regulate emotions, the constant on-the-go. Every morning I wake up and feel dread because I feel like I can’t cope with the challenges that the day may bring. I cry every single day.
My child lashes out at me. He doesn’t do it when he goes to see his dad once a week, but he hits, kicks, throws things. It’s like he doesn’t have to hold back with me and just falls apart. Recently we had 10 days with no meltdowns/anger/violence and that’s the longest we’ve had calm at home for in 3 years. He talks about wanting to die to escape what is going on in his head. He had tried to hurt himself. I still have nightmares of this.
I am scared for the future every day. The school are amazing, EHCP in process, have meds, play therapy (have gone privately as huge nhs lists). We have great friends and family supporting us. And I would never ever leave and I will always advocate for him and fight for him and what he needs, but I feel so out of my depth. I don’t know how to help him. I feel so lost, and scared. That he deserves and needs a better mum than me.
I’m sorry for ranting, I guess I just want someone to tell me that parenting is hard and I’m not the only one who has felt like this (I know that sounds selfish)