Socially awkward 7 year old

[Beautyathome1234]

Hi all, I’m hoping I can get a little advice/help on how to deal with my 7 year old son.
He is a wonderful boy, doing well at school and has friends, but I can’t help but notice how he is socially awkward with friends when he sees them at the school gate! He acts almost silly and doesn’t know how to strike up a conversation so instead will say something odd. He appears to fidget nervously and start speaking to himself (briefly) it just saddens me to see him struggle with this and wondered if there are any books or strategies you could recommend? I will add once he is playing with his friends after school in the playground he is absolutely fine it just seems to happen initially.

thank you for reading.

Mine was like this, he was diagnosed with ASD at 10 though. He still struggles with small talk as a young adult! He doesn't talk to himself really anymore. I'm afraid I don't have any great strategies for you though, but at 7 saying something a bit crazy probably doesn't stand out too much so I'd probably just leave him to it - or arrive a little later perhaps so he can straight off playing rather than having that awkward time beforehand.

Thank you @Tess592I will perhaps go a little later to avoid the awkward small talk. He just seems to not know what to say at times! May I ask what kind of traits/behavior made you head for a diagnosis?

This sounds just like my 8 yr old DS.

He always has friends saying hi to him at school gate and he is so awkward he sometimes doesn’t even respond.

At the end of the day he is completely relaxed and at ease with them all chatting away.

He hates turning up early for sports activities as he wants to wait until the structured activity has begun rather than the more relaxed casual warm up that is more child led. He feels so awkward grabbing a ball and mucking in without direction.

when he is comfortable there are no issues.

I always thought it was just shyness but sometimes I do wonder if it is more than that.

One strategy is “ think it don’t say it” There will be resources online
You have a mouth or speech bubble and a thought bubble or head and bubble.
You use statements he’s said or things that appear rude and some that are ok to say or might prompt a game. See if he can sort them correctly.
Children can struggle to transfer the skill into real life situations.
Obviously some element of “silliness” is to be expected at this age ( especially in unstructured situations) and he’s probably a bit excited and over stimulated to see his friends.
If school staff haven’t raised any concerns about social interaction you might be feeling anxious and a bit self conscious on his behalf?

Thank you so much @24Dogcuddler this is a fantastic idea! He absolutely loves games so it shouldn’t be difficult to do. Never thought of this, so pleased I made a post as was in two minds. He is fine with everything else I just feel he doesn’t know what to say or do at first, he is an only child so perhaps that’s why although he has many play dates but a school gate setting with lots of kids could be overwhelming for him at the moment. Can’t thank you enough 🥰

That is a good idea isn't it! I am coaching my 6YO on how to say 'hi' and 'bye' and wave because currently he barges his friends and people as a way of saying hi and some of them don't like. It's so interesting to see how some things which seem obvious really aren't obvious.

I was just going to say be cautious around what you avoid, because if you teach him to avoid what he finds hard it may make it worse, because he doesn't get the practice he may needs. I think coaching etc can help but what will help more is practice over time and now (at 7) is the best time to learn some of things while his peers are also 7.

Hi @pjani indeed I am the same trying to teach him to make sure he says hello, goodbye and thank you even if it feels difficult at first! We started with the man in the sweetshop lol.

Totally agree and thank you for your input. I find myself deliberately putting him in some situations he finds tricky in order to be able to correct and coach him (without him realising)
such good advise from above post too.
ahh the joys of parenthood 🤣