4yo DS suddenly scared/anxious

[clinellwipe]

DS has just turned 4 and is awaiting an autism assessment (if that’s relevant). He’s extremely confident and physical, and up until now has had no real sense of danger. Because of this I feel like I’ve spent the last two years drumming into him “don’t walk into the road you could get hit by a car” , “don’t touch the oven you could burn” etc throughout the day whilst he behaves as if he’s in an episode of Jackass.

Anyway, he’s suddenly become very cautious. Telling me off for touching a holly bush incase I hurt myself, asking me if I’ve washed my hands to “kill the bad germs” etc.

Is this a natural developmental stage that kids get more fearful around this age? Or have I swung my kid into being anxious after having beeen utterly fearless by trying to teach him not to throw himself off the sofa etc? Or is this an anxiety thing because he is likely ND? Any thoughts welcome , thank you

It's probably worth noting down these instances, time and date, frequency, intensity of emotional reactions etc.

OCD takes many forms and is unfortunately a comorbid conditions for autism.

It could also just be an expression of rigid thinking due to autism.

For example my son would tell me loudly in a public bathroom I need to wash my hands because people poo in bathrooms, but then he'd happily walk off without washing his own hands unless I called him back. This is his rigid rule following, but if he were obsessive about making sure he, I and anyone else washed our hands more frequently than normal, I'd consider that to be an extreme obsession and compulsion.

They did teeth cleaning day at school where they talked about mouth germs and for about a week he wouldn't share food because mummy's mouth has germs, but he quickly forgot about it, and it didn't for a second stop him following the 5 second rule about floor food. It was just another rigid rule he had picked up.

I wouldn't worry about it right now though, because as I've highlighted they pick a lot of things up at this age especially if they're at school where they go through basic classroom etiquette and staying safe, and they hang on to the words that their teachers say about hand washing, not touching sharp things like scissors or prickly bushes and they start to realise they have autonomy, but so does everybody else. Just keep a note if you feel it's getting intense and raise it if it escalates or starts having a detrimental impact on yours and his ability to function.

DS2 did this to some degree. He has ADHD although I originally thought he was autistic and I do think he has some ASD traits even though the assessment said not.

I think it's just because everything is very black and white for him. It's either safe or it's dangerous. He also tends to experience feelings very intensely so it's not like he's cautious at a typical level, he's either overconfident or overcautious, there's not much in between.

He is 7 now and a bit more balanced in risk assessment in some ways (e.g. he can ride a bike and I'm happy to let him go a bit ahead on the pavement etc).

Not sure what the normal age range is for them making this shift but it could be a bit delayed anyway if he's ND.

Thank you for both responding.

Might be getting ahead of myself but OCD is my concern too. He has sensory issues and hates having dirty hands or food/dirt on his clothes. But now he’s asking questions about public toilets “do they clean here?” “Are there germs here?”. I find it difficult because obviously I want him to wash his hands but now he’s understood the WHY of it that is now something that bothers him. He also tells me I must wash my hands after changing baby DD’s nappy (I always would anyway) but it seems like a real fear/disgust for him.

I’ve always been an anxious person and now I’m anxious about passing on my anxieties 🫣

There's absolutely no harm in talking to your GP about it now. It might not meet the threshold for OCD, but they may be able to recommend some CBT based play therapy to try and redirect the intensity of his emotions. Always better to catch these things early than late anyway.