How did your hyperactive/sensory seeking 4yo turn out?

[Norry]

Hello

I have a clever but very hyperactive/sensory seeking 4 year old. I wondered if the parents of similar kids would mind sharing how their little ones turned out. Did they settle? Were they diagnosed ND? How is school at 6, or 8 or 13?

My boy turned 4 in July and has just started reception. Before reception he did half days at a preschool that feeds into his primary. I was on mat leave with his little sister, so he spent afternoons at home.

He's a lovely little boy, bright, kind towards his sister and friends. Imaginative and curious.

We're only a few weeks in, but he's been finding reception tough. We've had 5-6 chats with his teacher after school about his behaviour. Her main concerns are that he's not listening and getting into dangerous situations (e.g.falling off some kind of crate and bruising/scratching his eyebrow) refusing to sit down for carpet time, silly/annoying behaviour towards other kids (e.g. trying to pull other kids across the carpet at carpet time), and spitting. Spitting on the floor, on the playground equipment etc.

His TA who has moved up with him from preschool is surprised by the behaviour as he was OK last year. However, a lot of these behaviours aren't news to us, as he was often hard work in the afternoons. I suspect he was able to hold things together for 3hrs in preschool but it's harder for him to sustain being "good" over a full school day.

Socially he seems to get very over excited and he struggles with boundaries (other people's) despite his dad and I having lots of conversations with him about this and role play too. The most horrifying phase he went through was going up to strangers and licking them. This was last year when he was 3. Still a very little boy, but now we're having this issue with him trying to drag other kids. We're really strict with anything like this, e.g. instantly leaving the park if he does this, and not having any TV time. He gets 40 mins of TV at roughly the same time every day. It's like it doesn't matter how many times we tell him, punish him, role play with him. In the moment he's just so excited he forgets all that and you can be yelling at him and he won't stop.

At home, if he doesn't have 1-2-1 attention he's a bit of a nightmare. He'll either continually run back and forth making high pitched noises - this isn't part of a game, he's just running while making noise - or roll around on the floor. It's really hard to get him to sit in a seat. At lunch time today he ended up under the table. Actually squashed inside the legs of a chair.

He can't, just can't walk in a straight line outside. He has to roll or rub himself against every wall, run his fingers or head through every hedge, climb walls and fences. I was trying to get him to keep up with me today by telling him a story, but he was falling behind every 3 seconds to rub his sleeve/hip/hand against something.

He also does a repetitive self-soothing behaviour. Between age 2-3 we had a real battle preventing him from doing this thing continually. He stopped for a while but now he's started wanting to do it all the time again (school stress maybe?).

There's other stuff too. Not listening, ever. Unless it's something about Pokémon or I'm pretending to be Ash.

What he can do:

Sit down and concentrate on an activity that interests him eg making a stop motion film, building a Magna tile hospital
Explain complex concepts
Work cooperatively with friends and shares very nicely

Does this description sound familiar to anyone? How did your child turn out?

Honestly he's such a gorgeous, loving boy. If he's ND that's fine with me, I just worry for him.

Thank you!

He's 15 and got a scholarship at a good school and has a few maths prizes and so on, and a good social life. But when he was 4 his school (in London) wanted me to get him in ADHD meds so he wouldn't be so much trouble.
We moved out of the UK a few years later and he only started meds at 13 - because I moved him to private schools...

Some schools just want them to be easy. They don't care if they flourish, or if they're happy.

He's 23 and has been in full time employment (construction) since he left college.
As it happens, I was sorting out some old papers this evening and found his primary school reports. They really didn't see his potential.

Aw sorry to hear that @Willowkins but good on him for working f/t. Is he enjoying it?

School have been good so far but we're only a few weeks in. I guess his teachers aren't always going to be patient or give the benefit of the doubt. I'm hoping this is teething problems.

Did you have a diagnosis at 4 @whatwouldlilacerullodo ? Jesus, they wanted to medicate him. It's amazing he has a scholarship. What have his struggles been, do you think?

Apologies for the incredibly long OP. He's not an easy kid to summarise!

It's too early to say how she "turned out" as she's still only 5, but we delayed starting reception for a year so she's started this term at just over 5yrs and is getting on really well so far.

Obviously there are a lot of factors to consider, but if you did want to delay then it's not necessarily too late. If you want to withdraw him from school and get funding for a nursery place for an additional year instead then you need to do so by School Census day, which is 5th October this year.

He does @Norry - it plays to his strengths: turning up, solving problems, creating order.
His school reports said he was easily distracted but he was probably just bored.
I remember a teacher excitedly telling me DS had explained how engines worked, in detail (he still does that). I was like, I knew he was smart already, how did you not know?

Did you withdraw your daughter @OMFGSOB ? Is she calmer at 5 than she was?

While I think he probably isn't emotionally ready for full time school, he has friends in his class. His nursery teacher from last year is now the SENCO, and his very experienced TA from last year moved up to reception with his class. So he has people who know and like him, whereas he hasn't been in a non-school nursery setting for over a year. We're hopefully having a meeting with his class teacher and the SENCO this week. They're not saying they think he has SEN and I'm still on the fence about that myself, but just to discuss some strategies.

I did wonder if it's possible to do part-time reception? I'm guessing the teacher wouldn't be keen as he'd miss out on key learning/prep for year 1.

@Willowkins I'd assumed that my son was overstimulated, but my friend asked whether he could he bored and I guess that's a possibility. He could count and knew all his colours at 18 months. His dad does maths games and board games with him, he's happy to sit down and play for an hour. So it could be that he needs more than sorting colours etc. On the other hand, if he's not interested in something, it's really really hard to get him to apply himself. (I imagine this is not unusual in a 4 year old). It's lovely your lad is doing so well!

I can't add much about the future as my ds is only 5, and just gone into year 1, but they sound very similar.
We (and school) suspect he has ADHD and possibly ASD, and the paperwork for him to be assessed went in via school whilst he was in reception. School have been really supportive and excellent at making adjustments for him, such as "now and next" to keep him focused, visual timetables, short breaks from the classroom if he's feeling overwhelmed. They also allow lots of outdoor time and have a quiet/sensory room attached to his classroom he can use, and as he struggles with choices they narrow down any 'free play' activities for him to 2 choices to help him feel less overwhelmed.
As DS likes routine and predictability, personally he wouldn't have benefitted from going part time or deferring a year, but your ds may be different. But what I would suggest is to definitely work with the school/senco, check in often, and when you meet ask what they can do to support both him and you as a family in terms of adjustments, ask what working well/what his strengths are, and what they think would help to support him at home. It's helpful to give examples of his behaviours at home and anything that works well there, and talk through his strengths as well as difficulties, so they have a really good picture of what he's like. Hope it goes well!

@Norry We didn't withdraw her as we'd pre planned it so she just did an extra year in the school preschool (by nursery I just meant any kind of pre school setting). I do think she's a bit calmer now - happier to sit for longer and less overwhelmed by the academic side of things than she would have been last year. I totally get what you're saying about friends and the TA etc though - there are lots of factors to consider.

He absolutely can go part time, and technically you don't need permission from the school as he is under compulsory school age. Obviously best to work with the school though. I would want to be careful that he wasn't missing out on any key learning. Lots of schools do phonics and maths in the morning, so afternoons off might be a possibility?

Mine is now 11 and still just as bouncy! He absolutely can focus on things he's interested in, so he'll sit and draw for an hour without looking up or do an hour of maths puzzles. The rest of the time he's whirling around, making random noises, leaping off things, touching everything (needing that sensory input), smelling things, just being non-stop and impulsive. He was diagnosed with ADHD (mixed type) last year but we've always known, his whole life.

You mentioned if your DS could be overstimulated or bored...in my experience of DS, he can be both at the same time! So he'll come out of school overstimulated by the posters and smells and people and also emotionally frazzled from trying to sit still and not make noises. But, he's also bored senseless by the very slow pace of learning in an average primary classroom.

If your DS is bright then I'd be asking the school if he can do challenge or extension work. They don't usually allow children to work ahead but they'll offer width-ways extension. I'd also be asking for regular movement breaks, plus something to keep his legs busy like a band around the base of the chair.

I work in Special Ed. Your son will be calmer with a sensory diet. It's highly likely that he is neurodivergent and you might do well to get him on the wait list for assessment.

I'd put money on him turning out to be a fabulous young man with strategies to overcome many of his needs. Early intervention will play a big part in making that happen. He's not being naughty.

He was seen by the neuropediatry team at St Thomas (I think it was St Thomas) and after an assessment he was diagnosed with ADHD (very obvious) and "autism traits". It helped validate my concerns and helped us finding coping strategies knowing he was not totally neurotypical.

His struggles included difficulty potty training, and he suffered bullying at school at around 7 years old (it left scars for many years). With him, the biggest issue was if he was in a place where people liked him or not. Some people liked his intelligence and curiosity. Some people found it annoying. He was intense and talked all the time.

As time passed, he learned to organise himself (he has checklists for everything, google calendar, etc) and regulate himself (he would make paper models during lessons, which helped him stay quiet). He learned to take notes, etc.
Also, regarding struggles, sleep was a big issue for many years. He probably slept through at 3 or 4.
When he went to secondary school (we're not in the uk) I thought it was a good time to start adhd medication (with medical supervision, of course). It does help him a lot. He's much more scattered when he doesn't take the meds.
I think a huge factor is that after the bad school experience in London, he found schools that were accepting of him (academically bright, a bit awkward and intense, but nice). Now he follows his niche interests and is surrounded by people who see it as a positive thing.